2026-03-30

Another weird dream

So it started by stating this thing as-a-matter-of-factly: a rat will lead you to [some kind of person, whom I apparently know], because apparently he's stinky and stuff and rats like him.

And then, my memory is a bit blurred here, but apparently I'm playing a game and I'm viewing the dream as if I'm the player character, right there in the dream, almost like some VR shit. (So you see, despite this I never realize I'm dreaming. I am never able to realize I'm dreaming.)

Throughout the whole dream was a sense of déjà vu, as if I've either 1) had this dream before or 2) in-dream me played this in-dream game before. I'm pretty sure there had been instances where I had the same dream I had years ago, or a continuation of an old dream, but I actually don't think this is it. The déjà vu came from me in the dream having played the game before.

And I have two other friends playing with me. The game consisted of manipulating machines, pressing buttons and the sort, to clear obstacles (like a closed door) and proceed. And there is a hint of the feeling that I also have to figure out the game's language, reminiscent of Chants of Sennaar (which is another reason I believe I couldn't have had this dream a long time ago because I only played that game recently), but honestly their language thing only came up twice.

So at some point we made it in the main facility, and we were looking around, and pieces are falling together. This is some space facility, and they're sending people to space. A little reminiscent of Mimpi, really. Not the space part I mean.

At some point the game entered its climax stage. A final set of tasks to complete, and then we find the truth, the answer (I don't even know what the question was). I, having played it before, helped my friends breeze through the tasks. I also showed them the easter egg where you can order yourself a little strawberry snack out of a locker and later there's a little van that processes whatever you took from the locker. In the game's universe they're operating illegally so that's why they have to be so sneaky.

And then, we completed the last task but got stuck. Nothing happened. Had we failed?

And also at some point we figured out how the society makes sure everyone comes out exactly the way society wanted, no one stepping out of line. And for one of the final challenges we have to input a sentence using the game's language. The answer was, "if mom and dad went away, would they still be good people?" I think the implication is that my parents went to space and therefore were no longer being controlled by the society and stuff, so I was wondering whether they would still be the kind of "good" person the society wants us to be.

So at last, we found our way to a rather gritty side of the city, and found a giant rat. I set it on fire, and it ran away. We chased it as it ran to the person mentioned at the beginning. He was sitting at the entrance of an abandoned facility, looking very desolate. Seeing us, he pointed to the ruins of the building, and I understood that it was the rocket launch site that sent my parents to space.

And that was apparently it.

What made this dream really weird especially, was the dèjá vu I felt. I've felt that before, if I was having a dream that was either a repeat or a continuation of a dream I had long ago. The dream in the house with marble staircases and wooden handles came to mind. I'm pretty sure I had the exact same dream twice, years apart. But this dream, I'm sure I never had it before. But I felt the same déjà vu, not because I had the dream before, but because in the dream, my dream self played this dream game before!

I know some people could tell that they're dreaming if the reality around them don't look like actual reality. Some can even make their dream selves do stuff and then start lucid dreaming. I could never tell if I'm in a dream. Even when things were absolutely ridiculous, like that time I dreamed that someone built a spiral staircase out of ground beef and it was dangerous because the staircase had no railing (after waking up, I thought the railing was the least of our concerns here), I still believed it wholeheartedly. And of course I forget dreams nearly immediately if I don't write them down soon enough. I don't have free will in a dream. In fact, if you were to ask me what being mind-controlled feels like, I'd probably say it feels like when I'm dreaming: I can see stuff, hear stuff, and touch stuff, but only what the dream wants me to see, hear, or touch. I do things and I think I'm doing them on my own, I have thoughts, they all make perfect sense while I was dreaming and I feel like I'm exercising free will, but as soon as I wake up they all become nonsensical.

Also I don't know if it's a common experience, but I dream of the most batshit insane things when I'm sick or in pain. Maybe they're even more hallucinating than dreaming?