Tofutush's blog

Second post

2024-09-26T00:00:00Z

I am wasting my life on stupid shit.

Resurrecting old ideas and magic academies

2024-09-29T00:00:00Z

(This is a post from Cohost, reposted here.)

I had an idea in middle school of a comic featuring people who naturally look like Homestuck god-tiers who are attending to a school on a mountain. It was never finished — hardly even started — but if I don't talk about it here it's going to die in my head forever.

So, it's been a while and I've forgotten most stuff, and the original notebook I drew the thing on was probably lost after we moved, but here:

The people are all Homestuck-white and have Homestuck-god wings, wearing Homestuck-god hoodies. Each with a unique wing / eye / text-color, which turned into "accent colors" in TIR.

Each person has a "partner," and can't sleep unless the partner is awake, and can't wake up unless the partner is asleep. Yes, like dream-selves. You can already see how similar this is to Homestuck. Except the "partner" is someone else that actually exists as an independent person.

For the school part, it is more like a college despite being called a middle school, and instead of choosing a major, the school assigns one to you based on what they think you'll do best in.

Our protagonist, Ribbon, got into "News." Her friend Eva got into "Detective."

Now you're seeing parallels to TIR: two most important things in Hillslope are the press and Sparky's investigation.

Two characters, Ribbon and Sky, are originally created here. (At least, the accent colors and Chinese names are the same.)

The story would involve a mystery of a thief and how Eva and Ribbon solve it, Eva using her detective skills and Ribbon using the Power of Propaganda^tm since her class runs the school newspaper.

Now, I don't ever plan on resurrecting this comic, but I do reuse some aspects of it, like the thief plot, Ribbon and Sky, and the school-in-a-mountain. Qibli is to be attending a magic academy in a mountain.

Thanos snap

2024-10-15T00:00:00Z

Or, Achilles chases the turtle but genocide instead.

A friend of mine today said as an exasperated joke, "I am Thanos and I would snap two times and kill everyone!"

And I was like, "Well actually you can only kill 75%. Because after you snapped once, only half were left, and if you snap again you can only kill a fourth."^[1]

By that logic, Thanos can never kill everyone.

Except that he can, because you can't split one person into infinitely small pieces. When there's one last person left on Earth (besides Thanos himself as we're gonna assume he's immune^[1:1] so he won't die halfway through the snapping), he could just kill the guy with his bare hands.

Each time he snaps, the number of people in the world decreases by a half. The percentage of people left forms a series that stops until $2^n$ reaches the current world population, which we're gonna say is 7,951,000,000,000:

$\frac{1}{2}, \frac{1}{4}, \frac{1}{8}, \frac{1}{16}... \frac{1}{2^n}$

Replace all the 1's with 7,951,000,000's and we get the number of people left.

If it's infinite, like if we assume a person can be chopped into infinite bits, we can say that the number of people left alive approaches zero as the number of snaps approaches infinity.

$\lim_{n \to \infty} \frac{1}{2^n} = 0$

So how many snaps does it really take to kill everybody? $\frac{7,951,000,000}{2^{33}} \approx 0.9$ . So, snapping 33 times, or maybe 34 ~ 35 for good measure, can make sure everybody is dead.

Wow did I seriously just spend half an hour wondering how to kill everyone on Earth? I think I need help.

I've never watched any Marvel movies alright? I don't care if it's canonically accurate. ↩︎ ↩︎

Chinese culture revolves around stupid puns

2024-12-30T00:00:00Z

I was thinking recently about how Chinese culture kind of revolves around stupid puns.^[1]

Why can't you gift someone clocks or cups? Because puns. "Gifting clocks" (送钟 sòng zhōng) sounds identical to "hosting a funeral"(送终 sòng zhōng). By extension, you can't gift anything that lets you read the time either, like watches. "Cups" (杯具 bēi jù) sounds identical to "tragedy" (悲剧 bēi jù) so yeah, cups are also bad.

What's really funny to me personally, after I learned it, is how you can't cut your hair in January^[2] because your uncle would die.

This is long-winded. Bear with me.

So in the Qing dynasty men had to do their hair into a silly little braid, which was stupid. Imagine being a guy and being legally obliged to braid your hair. I'd just unalive myself. Actually you know what, I li Anyways, the hairstyle also entailed shaving the top of your head bald. And if you don't shave it every once in a while your hair would grow back (surprise) and you'd get in jail or something.

Now obviously people hated this, not only because it was stupid but also in Confucian culture you're not supposed to cut your hair because it came from your parents.^[3] So there birthed a tradition that people won't shave their hair in January, because "nostalgia" (思旧 sī jiù).

And the thing spread by word-of-mouth, and then some idiot heard this and went like "Oh? Dead uncle? (死舅 sǐ jiù)"

So now everyone believes that if you cut your hair in January, your uncle would die. In fact, a lot of barbershops don't even open during that month, because no one would come anyways.

It would've been just an interesting tradition if it weren't for some batshit crazy people.

It was new year 2024, and this guy went for a haircut in a barbershop that was open for some reason.

In the same evening, his uncle died in a car crash.

That wasn't the funny part.^[4] The funny part was that his aunt sued him for murder. Her husband died because her nephew got that haircut!

That thing hit the headlines for a while. It was just so fucking funny. Imagine you're a judge and some lady wants her nephew executed for getting a haircut. I'd quit my job.

And then there were those ancient classic stupid puns we had to learn in elementary school. Google tells me they're either called "idioms" which isn't that accurate a name, or "truncated witticisms" which I don't even know what the heck that means. They come in two parts, the first one describing something and the second offering an explanation of the first part — with a pun in there. In elementary school we had those kinds of questions where they put a bunch of first parts and second parts in two columns and we had to match them.

The most classic example would be the nephew one.^[5] It goes like this: "Nephew lights a lantern — to shine on his uncle." It's logical right, if you light a light you wanna light something up. If a nephew does it, it would be to his uncle. The pun comes in the second part, 照舅 (zhào jiù), which sounds identical to "same as usual" (照旧 zhào jiù). So by saying this, you're saying someone just did the same thing they always did with no change in their behavior.

It's not really limited to old ones. People make new ones all the time too. I remember this one that went like "Anhui gets bombed — Wuhu goes flying." Wuhu is a city in Anhui province. If Anhui gets bombed, everything inside would get blown away physically, which includes Wuhu city. Wuhu also sounds similar to "woohoo," and this paired with "goes flying" would mean something like "I'm really happy." Which is stupid and funny.

So anyways that concludes this stupid little post about puns.

Why do I say "stupid puns"? Because all puns are ontologically stupid. No matter how clever the pun is it's still stupid. ↩︎
Technically 正月 (zhēng yuѐ), the first month on the Chinese calendar. But whatever. The fault lies in you weird people making up silly names for months. Imagine being a month named "May." I'd just unalive myself. ↩︎
But they happily cut their nails. Don't your nails also come from your parents? Hypocrites. Have I ever told you Confucian culture was ontologically hypocritical? Now I have. ↩︎
People dying ain't funny. ↩︎
What is it with nephews and uncles all over the place. ↩︎

I'm learning to drive!

2025-03-09T00:00:00Z

Look I know I'm still owing the Counterfeit Monkey and Spider and Web posts, but I wanna talk about my first driving lesson right now.

The coach thought I had been practicing for a long time, and he was surprised when I told him this was my first time touching a steering wheel. I did mistake the gas for the brake and the brake for the gas each once though, and on another occasion forgot to brake when going down a slope, but overall I think I did well! I hit zero people, zero cars, and zero walls.

My main task is just to learn how to drive, instead of passing the test, because even if I got a license in China I'd still have to take another test in the US. But if I got a license in the US I'd be able to change it into a Chinese license. And the test in the US is insanely easy. My mom got a license there, and changed it when we got back in China. She could not drive I tell you.

Speaking of my mom, I also had to convince her yet again that there were peas in the US. This was not the first time we had this conversation. She was getting old.

Dormmate drama

2025-03-19T00:00:00Z

(Warning: this post is a little vent-y)

I wanted to write a little about the dormmate I had.

She used to be from another fancy private school,^[1] but transferred here at the start of 12th grade. Which is technically impossible, transferring from a private school to a public one. I don't know how she — more specifically, her parents — did that.

We also get random new dorms each school year, so just by chance, I got lumped in with her. There were supposed to be 4 people, but only 3 really stay there.

I don't beef with my dormmates. We usually get along well. But not her. She was spoiled rotten — guess I should've expected it. Her parents could get her transferred to a public school, after all. But the thing is, I don't mind. I don't mind her personal lifestyle habits; I don't mind if she has to take 30-min long showers and blow her hair for an additional 20; I don't mind if she had to sleep through the first period; I don't mind if she has to use 2 desks to put all her stuff, since there were only 3 people anyways so we had a spare desk. I don't mind any of these.

What I do mind, a lot, is her blatant disrespect for everybody else. It was like she thought she was the main character and everyone else is an NPC.

We got along for a while. But there were signs. The most obvious one was the card thing. We had to use our school cards to swipe the dorm door open. One day, I was inside and heard knocking, so I opened the door. She was outside and went in. I asked her, in a chitchat manner, "forgot your card?" And she replied, "no, it's in my bag, it's just too much trouble to take it out."

There were so many things wrong with this interaction I don't even know where to start. She legit thought it was okay to trouble other people to avoid troubling herself. And the fact that she said it out loud, to my face, proves that she did not even think that was wrong. I'm convinced that to this day, as I'm writing this post, she still thinks that I am the asshole for not even wanting to do the extremely simple task of opening the door at her bidding — can't Tofu see how hard it is for me to take the card out of my bag??/s

(By the way, we use our cards to buy food too — would be a shame if she starved because she could not get her card out of her bag.)

That was the first time. On the second time, after asking "forgot your card?" and receiving a similar answer again, I got pissed and said, "I'm just a servant to you, right?^[2]" Upon hearing that, she slammed the door — which was nice, actually; she loves leaving the door open behind her until someone else (usually me) goes to close it.

I don't know her exact age but she couldn't have been younger than 17. We're nearly adults. She still acts like a literal spoiled baby.

Apparently, my servant statement was the breaking point for her. Yeah, an off-handed, casual half-insult. During later arguments she would constantly bring that line up and go "how are you a servant? How come I think you're my servant?" or something like that, probably thinking she actually had a coherent argument, or anything better she could nitpick about my behavior. Again, like a child.

The breaking point for me, however, was the trash can thing. So our dorms don't have trash cans in them; we had to bring our own. But most of the time, there were cans left by the previous inhabitants of the dorm. Not this time though. So I brought a trash can here, along with trash bags, for us three to use.

I had one rule: if it's empty, put a bag in it. The bags are here. Right here, for everyone to take. Grab one. Put it in the can. And then throw trash.

She kept on throwing trash into a bare can. I talked to her. I told her, the bags are right there, put one in! She could take none of it. I didn't throw wet stuff! Those are all dry stuff that wouldn't stick to the can! What's wrong with that?

Km km. It is my trash can; you can follow my one and only rule or I could just not let you use it.

I put the can on my table. It's mine now. Neither of you gets to use it. Actually I would've let the third girl use it anyways since she didn't do anything wrong, but whatever.

Then came the maddening thing: she still threw stuff into the can anyways. Not only behind my back, but also right in front of me, even! She walked over to me desk, threw some shit in, muttering "I'll borrow this for a bit, thank you.^[3]"

If I carved her face out, my family won't have to buy extra food for a month. That's how thick her skin is.

Heated arguments; the dorm manager got involved; she was yelling, screaming incoherent bullshit — clearly on the defensive, which worked, since neither me nor the dorm manager could get a word in; and when she finally allowed our input she would cut into our speech about three characters in. The funniest thing was once she mentioned how I was constantly getting in fights with other dormmates, even before she shared a dorm with me — the third girl told her that! Which was funny on so many levels. She was the "new kid" and she dared talk about my past in front of the dorm manager, who had known me for two previous years? In addition, this was my first time sharing a dorm with the third girl too. This convinced me even more that she thinks we're all NPCs.

For a long while, even just thinking about her made my blood boil. Fortunately, sometimes she goes home to sleep. Unfortunately, it means every night is a surprise of "will she be here?"

Something had to change. I used to think that there's only one semester left, so I could roll with it; and if I quit, or moved to another dorm, it would be me losing. She'd win, and I'd lose. Looking back, that was extremely childish.

But I decided to move. There was an empty spot in a dorm full of my friends, so I moved there.

There were a lot of physical problems in that dorm. The door can't be closed properly and water keeps leaking out from mysterious places. But I am happy. I am with my friends! I started looking forward to each night, instead of dreading them.

So, if you'll excuse me sounding like a sloppy old cartoon moral narrator: sometimes we get in situations that make us uncomfortable and we just go with it, thinking we could handle it. Maybe its annoying dormmates, or maybe it could be a relationship we no longer wanna be in, etc. Move the hell out. There's got to be somewhere we can move to!

Wow, my longest post yet, a vent post. Venting sure is the muse of inspiration!

When we started high school there was a kid on the roll-call, but she never attended, and we were told she decided to go to some private school. They had the same surname but I couldn't remember the girl's full name, so I couldn't make assumptions. But if they were indeed the same person, then she didn't technically transfer here I guess. She was supposed to be here in the first place. ↩︎
我就是来伺候你的是不？ ↩︎
借扔一下谢谢 ↩︎

Weird dreams I had

2025-04-21T00:00:00Z

Contents

1
2
3
4
Thoughts

I don't remember dreams that much, nor am I a lucid dreamer or something. But occasionally I remember a dream, and I write it down quickly. Here are some of them. They're usually really weird, so be warned.

1

One time I dreamt that China was going to war with Turkey. On land. No idea how though. I was pushing one of those wheeled barbecue stands on the battlefield, and whenever Turkish soldiers got close enough, the BBQ stand would turn into a tank and knock them away.

In the dream it was explained extremely clearly why they were knocked away: because the tank was way bigger than a BBQ stand, the size increase shoved them away and accelerated them.

This was also the first time I had a dream within a dream. I woke up from the dream to post a Wechat moment post about it, but then I woke up for real on my bed.

You notice how in dreams, you don't figure out something, you just know it and take the knowledge for granted? Like I didn't see anyone's faces, I don't know where I was, but I knew they were Turkish.

2

There was another time when I was sleeping in the car while my dad drove. I dreamt that he had me by the neck and was insistently telling me a story about how a man murdered all his subordinates one by one. Funniest thing was when I woke up, he asked me if I slept well. I answered, "okay."

3

This is a long one. Bear with me.

It started with some goddamn narration. This is a world where humans are incapable of understanding chemistry and biology. Just, plain intellectually incapable of studying them. The sky was a gloomy apocalyptic red and the trees were bare, and I was in jail. Not normal jail, but a prison for "unverified" people.

But then a lot of things happened and I got out somehow, and I was in a school. I had to find someone. I was in a hallway with a window at the end not unlike my school IRL, and a student came out from a classroom. The sun was rising and he hadn't slept the entire night. A teacher came out after him, who had also stayed up the whole night, trying to figure something out to no avail, because humans are incapable of understanding anything related to chemistry and biology.

And then a UFO hit the school.

And the student saw two people by the lake, one of which was the guy I was looking for. I ran down to the lake, and met them as they walked towards the building. Someone was running with me, no idea who, but we were each given something that resembled food. I was about to eat it when my dad came, took it, and threw it into the lake. He took me away, saying "what was the 4th rule I taught you?" I couldn't remember. He said, "don't eat food given to you by strangers."

We walked through a woods. He told me some thing about verification along the way, (I couldn't remember after waking up) and at the edge of the woods he said, "it's north up ahead. Keep walking and you'll reach Beijing." I told him that it was south, and we had to turn back, that was north. I turned around and looked back into the woods. The apocalyptic red that was the backdrop of the entire dream up until this point was replaced by an eerie blue. I saw a policeman hiding behind a tree and peeking at me. My dad insisted that north was up ahead. I glanced at the policeman again and decided to just walk forward, realizing that he was right and that was indeed north.

I was walking on pavement now, and heard a gun being loaded behind me. I immediately threw up my hands, blabbering about how I did nothing wrong. The policeman from the woods walked past me, staring at me like I was an idiot, and I realized that he had not been following me at all and I was just overreacting. Still, he took me through a busy street and into a police station, where we went to the second floor, and he asked me to climb down a vertical ladder leading down to the busy street we just came from.

This was the second dream-within-a-dream I had. I woke up from that to me writing down the dream in my computer, but I ended up writing something about the life of a chef. And then I woke up for real.

The UFO never came up a second time. It was a huge disk, crashing into the school grounds, and apparently nobody questioned it.

4

I was in a karaoke bar. I thought to myself, "now I know how to take off my pants," because the last time I was here I didn't know how. Then I saw two white cats, so I scooped them up and hailed a taxi. The first driver didn't allow pets, so I hailed a second one. My mom was on there for some reason. We were going to find someone. The driver said, "let's go to the graduate school he attends." Mom was surprised. "He's already working?" The driver lowered her voice and said, "he's the first to get red-checked!^[1]"

Thoughts

I've never read too much upon how dreams reflect your inner state of mind or something, mainly because my dreams are so nonsensical, like these. What can you know about me from these dreams? I don't even know. Maybe except for the red-check thing. That obviously came from playing Werewolves too much.

I'm not sure if it's the right jargon here, but I'm referring to when playing Werewolves, someone who claims they're the seer says this person is a wolf. ↩︎

Thoughts: 1984

2025-05-12T00:00:00Z

An assortment of random thoughts I had regarding the book 1984 by George Orwell.

Is there something wrong with me if I think the torture part is the most interesting?

The book struck me as extremely bland and unimaginative.

Jules Verne could imagine us shooting people to the moon with a cannon in 1865; but all Orwell, in 1948, could imagine happening in 1984 was basically 1948 stuff but with bad tobacco and bad alcohol.

Take the helicopter thing for example. A helicopter, flying out your window. Getting close enough to see inside. Seriously? Those are some damn amazing pilots then, able to fly so low, navigating apartment complexes without hitting a single thing.

Let's rework this. How does a huge chopper fly between buildings? It's a tiny chopper. How do people fit inside then? They don't. They control the tiny chopper from the ground. If there is no one inside, how do we spy on people? Attach a camera to the tiny chopper.

Congratulations, you just imagined up a drone.

All we did was ask ourselves simple questions with simple answers. You see, this is not the hard part. The hardest question to answer is, "how do I portray totalitarian state surveillance?" Orwell answered it with "have helicopters fly out your window." That is a decent answer. Now go a couple steps further and ask yourself the three questions I asked earlier. No, he didn't do it, resulting in a half-assed comedic chopper.

You might say, "why are you so preoccupied with tiny details? You're missing the point of the book!" What's the point of the book? The message? You can condense it into a single slogan, "totalitarianism bad." You can write an essay. But this is a book. You're trying to craft a world that looks real. The world needs believable details to make it feel lived-in. This does not look real. The author described Winston's daily life pretty much, but for the vast majority of the people, the proles, we hardly get anything from their perspective aside from Winston's own remarks, which, although can be taken as the author passing true information to us through him, paints them as collectively stupid and irrelevant. This is the farthest thing from a believable world. I cannot imagine anything similar happening in real life. So what's the point of warning us away from it?

Winston is not likeable at all. He is a real fucking loser who fantasizes about beating and raping women. I can't root for him against the regime like that.

They are too evenly matched, and their natural defences are too formidable. Eurasia is protected by its vast land spaces. Oceania by the width of the Atlantic and the Pacific, Eastasia by the fecundity and industriousness of its inhabitants.

Just gonna throw this quote word-for-word here. Came from the book-within-a-book. "The 3 countries are evenly matched in their natural defenses. Eurasia has vast lands. Oceania has wide oceans. Eastasia works really hard and breeds like rabbits."

Room 101. The most horrible place. Where they torture you into complete submission for real. Where they… dump a cageful of rats on your face. Look, I know it's supposed to be your worst fear. But imagine a grown-ass man whose greatest fear, the thing he fears more than anything else, more than fear itself, more than losing Julia… is… rats. Winston can't be real. Let's laugh at him. Call it the two-min humiliation.

Say my worst fear is, uh… eldritch horror. Or missing out. FOMO. What are they gonna do to me?

Also what's wrong with clocks striking thirteen? Everyone should be using 24hr clocks. Tofu demands it.

It also reminded me of that New Concept English story where a clock was broken and this guy tried to fix it, but made it strike thirteen at one o'clock instead.

It bothered me so much that Minitrue, Minipax, and Miniluv all had 3 syllables, while Miniplenty had 4. He couldn't have went like, "Minimuch" or something?

An aside: since it's a book, there's no pronunciation provided, but I can't help imagining the stressed syllable to be the last one, e.g. mi-ni-TRUE. Gives it Uighur vibes. I've yet to listen to an audiobook or something to see how other people pronounce it.

It also bothered me a lot that "War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength" isn't ordered correctly. The society has war, slavery, and ignorance, and they want you to think you have peace, freedom, and strength; so it should've been "slavery is freedom." Again, it makes the book look really lazy. Because it fucking is.

The two-min hate is really healthy, actually. It lets off your stress in a harmless way by directing your frustration towards someone you'd never meet, instead of your wife and kids. Gives you a fresh start to the day, and wakes you up. I'd love to yell at Vriska for two minutes every morning; if only everyone else would also be doing it with me so I wouldn't look like a lone idiot.

Also the infodumping. Pages upon pages of infodumping where it's literally the contents of a book Winston is reading. Just go write an essay, please, at least then no one would've convinced me to read this lame excuse of a book.

Did I like it? No.
Would I read it again? No.
Would I grab a random stranger off the street and make them read it? No.
If someone wants to read it, would I throw myself in like a human shield to protect them from harm? Yes.

See, reading John le Carré paid off

2025-05-19T00:00:00Z

Or, my journey in espionage book land thus far.

(Note: this post contains a little spoilers for John le Carré's novels. I won't reveal anything big.)

I like spy novels, in case you haven't noticed. Not that I really read a lot. But my to-be-read list is strong and growing.

It started in the summer of 10th grade going into 11th. We had a reading assignment for AP Language, which was to choose one book from a list. One of them was The Spy and the Traitor by Ben Macintyre. I was like, "hey, this looks nice!"

It was. That was when I found out that I loved these types of stories, tales of betrayal and paranoia and stuff. I read a couple more non-fiction books by Macintyre, like A Spy Among Friends (about Kim Philby) and Double Cross (about the deception campaign before the Normandy landing — oh Garbo, the OC creator to end all OC creators), but soon moved on to fiction ones. And how could anyone read spy novels without knowing about John le Carré?

I started with The Spy Who Came in From the Cold, which everyone recommended me to start with. It was great. I did not see it coming that twist at the end revealing how all the characters are just pawns being played around.

And then I went to his first book, Call for the Dead. Though people didn't like it as much, it was pretty great too in my opinion. Started from a mystery but later turned into a spy novel. The infodump at the end could've been dealt with better, though.

And then I read A Murder of Quality, which is still Smiley but a complete mystery with no spies inside. It was a little fuzzy for me, mostly because I didn't get how the murder was actually carried out; and besides, if I wanted to read great British mysteries I could just go for Agatha Christie or something. Speaking of whom, I had her Tommy and Tuppence series on my list too, because I heard that the third book in the series is a spy novel. LOL.

And then came the Karla Trilogy. I will never forgive myself for dumbass googling too much about Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy before I actually finished it and I GOT SPOILERED. I saw who the mole was. That was not fun. But even then, it was indeed a great book. Can't really say if I liked it any more than The Spy Who though, but the spoiling had something to do with that. I also watched the 2011 movie but with terminal face-blindness I keep forgetting which actor was supposed to be who.

The Honourable^[1] Schoolboy was great too. Though the two hours I spent getting through the first chapter only to find that the entire chapter was just a bunch of journalists going mad and flipping into the Haven to find that the Circus had left Hong Kong was torture.

Smiley's People wasn't that interesting in comparison. My main problem is how that guy they blackmailed (forgot his name, sorry) was a little too stupid, which watered it down a little. Still, it was a great and solid conclusion to the trilogy.

And then I went back to fill the standalone ones published before. The Looking Glass War, published right after The Spy Who, if I remembered correctly, made people say "oh, so he's the kind of author who wrote one good book and the rest are all bad." I think it's underrated though. It's basically The Spy Who with its themes amplified. I could imagine, if you asked le Carré "why do you hate your job" or something, he'd say, "well lemme tell you a little story" and give this book to you.

A Small Town in Germany was amazing too. "I'll chase you and you chase me and each of us will chase ourselves." (It went something like that I just recalled from memory.)

The Little Drummer Girl was the last book I read. Took me quite a while to finish, but not because it was boring. Charlie's motivation to spy was a little hard to understand though. My favorite part about it was first when I figured out Kurtz's plan after intercepting Salim at the border. Which, may or may not be explained in the book and I may or may not be right, but it looks smart. Another favorite part was how everyone seems an actor on a stage, playing different parts under different names. Charlie, who was already an actor in the first place; Joseph was Michael and Becker; Kurtz could turn into Schumann and whoever he was in front of Ned and the British police (I forgot his name).^[2]

I'll be starting on A Perfect Spy next. I honestly can't rank these books because I don't want to put any one near the bottom.

目前看过的勒卡雷书总：

冷战谍魂：一个人为了能退休把自己小命豁出去了
镜子战：一个人为了英国情报局丰富的想象力把自己小命豁出去了
女鼓手：一群以色列人为了一个巴勒斯坦人把一个英国人的小命豁出去了（：这很以色列了）
锅匠士兵裁缝间谍：史迈利被绿了后的复仇
荣誉学生：一个男的为了一个女的把自己小命豁出去了
史迈利的人马：一个人为了女儿把自己小命豁出去了
死者来电：史迈利的自证清白之路

Also I heard that le Carré's son is going to continue writing about Smiley. I hope he's good. Angelmaker is on my list, but I haven't gotten around to it. On one hand I'm happy to get more books, but on the other, I'm worried that he's gonna turn it into some cheesy franchise.

There is, of course, the frustration that always came with someone used to reading kids books reading something from the last century. A lot of language was hard to understand, and my reading time and comprehension was greatly impacted because of that. But that's already way better than those 1700's poetry.

I used to have to read in bed, or I couldn't even fall asleep. I'd been on my phone more lately, which is why I haven't been reading as much, and why it took me so long to finish The Little Drummer Girl. Throughout high school, all I ever read were Wings of Fire and John le Carré. Required reading in class don't count; I only read summaries of those. I did absolutely 0 preparation for the AP Lit test, and I rested all my bets on the last essay prompt being able to fit some le Carré book. One of the past prompts I saw was about dramatic irony. Damn, The Looking Glass War was full of it. Drummer Girl too. In the actual test, the prompt was about a character losing something and how they reacted. Damn! I wrote about The Spy Who and how Leamas lost Riemeck^[3] and Liz.

The essay was downright terrible, I had no logic, and I forgot about the entire thing where Leamas hit Ford and went to jail. But it was better than the previous two. I'm flunking the test. Whatever.

I had read some books by other authors too, like Our Man in Havana by Graham Greene, which kind of inspired me to make a TIR story like that but in the perspective of a hapless guy targeted by whatever country's equivalent of the KGB. But I didn't have any ideas past that, so whatever. And Fatherland by Robert Harris, which was really neat. And there's the category of "I have no idea what happened in them and I haven't gotten around to rereading it," which includes The Ipcress File by Len Deighton and Gorky Park by Martin Cruz Smith.^[4] And some others. Most of these definitely deserve rereading, especially The Ipcress File and Gorky Park since I read them but it was like I didn't at all, but I just have so many more on my list.

And true to my nature I also tried to find books written for kids, because you will want to read some of those after reading something like, IDK, most of the books mentioned above.^[5] I found Spy School by Stuart Gibbs, and after enjoying maybe like the first five books and reading the rest simply out of inertia (and their synopsis are really catchy. If only as much thought is put into the actual contents of the books), I found out how the author is a total piece of shit and finally set my mind to ditch it. I'd still recommend the first book though, and only the first. I had also read some other series by the same author, mysteries rather than espionage, and they were to some extent enjoyable I guess. Still, he was pretty much ass.

You'd think I would've learned to move on from middle grade books after that, but no; I shall never learn a lesson. I found this other series, City Spies by James Ponti, and I started on the third book just because it mentioned China (they spent most of their time in Russia though) and it actually proved to be pretty great. Way better than whatever pile of garbage Spy School was. So into the list the series went.

(I also saw Mrs. Smith's Spy School for Girls. Gave up after one chapter. It sounds like it's written by a middle schooler.)

There is something captivating about espionage. The feeling of worldviews being formed around lies and half-truths, the drama of betrayal, an almost artistically beautiful portrayal of paranoia, who's in the light and who's in the dark, the struggle to gain control while falling into powerlessness, and the strategy of nations battling each other in the dark.

Anyways, I'll be back later with more books. I'm a horrible reader and writer so I don't end up having a lot to say about every book, but things turn long if I review a bunch of books in one post.

LOL I spelled it in its original British spelling and Obsidian threw a spellcheck error. ↩︎
It was also around this point I started playing Reverse 1999, and Charlie always appeared as Sonetto in my head. ↩︎
LOL Why is Obsidian spellchecking Leamas and Riemeck? I even turned on German. ↩︎
You won't understand my pain of googling every book to find its author. ↩︎
I'd die before admitting English is my second language again because I had learned it the same way native speakers did. ↩︎

Translation: Mosuo Legends

2025-07-16T00:00:00Z

The Mosuo are a matriarchal society mostly residing in Sichuan and Yunnan, China. I liked their legend of creation a lot, so I made a translation of it.

Original texts: 【芭纳木】摩梭民间故事：先祖路依若, 【芭纳木】摩梭民间故事：人犬换寿.

Warnings for typical legend illogicality and absurdness! In addition, nearly all of them are orally passed down and inconsistencies may appear.

A long, long time ago, the ancestor of the Mosuo people Luyiruo and his little brother lived a peaceful life of farming. They didn't know that a disaster would soon come.

The brothers were farming as usual when a crow circled above their heads, cawing. Luyiruo's little brother was heartless; he grabbed a fistful of dirt and threw it at the crow, thinking that its cawing meant bad luck. Luyiruo, however, was very caring. He didn't chase the crow away, but instead asked it what it wanted to say.

The crow told them, "a flood is coming, one that will wipe out all life on land. You need to be prepared. Slaughter two sheep, make sacks from their skins, tie them to a tree, and hide inside. That's the only way you can survive."

The crow instructed the little brother to sew his sack with a thick needle and thin thread, and to tie it to the trunk of the tree; while it instructed Luyiruo to sew his with a thin needle and thick thread, and to tie it to the tip of the tree.

The brothers did as the crow told them. The flood came. It drowned over the little brother's sack first, and the water leaked inside; he drowned soon after, paying for his heartless actions. Luyiruo's waterproof sack floated above the water; he survived because of his kindness. After a long time, the flood ceased, and Luyiruo got out of his sheep skin sack. When he landed on the ground, the vast plains were devoid of life. He was the only one left.

A lonely life was miserable. Luyiruo prayed to gods all the time, praying for a partner who could sing and dance with him. So the Sky God sent down the God of Life, Abado. Abado came with a rhododendron branch, carved it into a little person and gave it to Luyiruo, saying, "bury this in the soil. Seven years later, it will grow into a partner who can sing and dance with you." Rhododendrons are sacred trees, and this is why the Mosuo use them in rituals. Luyiruo heard "seven years," knelt down and begged it to be faster, or he would die of loneliness. Abado agreed, and changed it to seven months — but not a minute less, because all good things need time.

Luyiruo buried the little wooden figure into the soil and waited around it every day. On the seventh day, he couldn't wait any longer, and dug the figure out to see how it was growing. The figure could move its toes and chin now, but it was far from a real human. Luyiruo got mad. "You will never actually turn into someone who could sing and dance with me!" With that, he threw it far away.

Luyiruo's actions had enraged Abado, so he couldn't rely on them anymore. He had to seek new options. He decided that he would find someone from the sky. With great effort, this brave human being arrived at the Sky Kingdom. He reached a well, and, being so tired, sat down to have a drink. Just then, the Eldest Sky Daughter came to get water, and ran into him. Her eyes were vertical, and she was brilliantly smart. The Eldest Sky Daughter asked him where he came from and what he wanted to do. He answered honestly. The Sky Daughter was so happy, because she always thought that the ground was better than the sky, where everything was really boring. She saw her opportunity to go live on the land, and agreed enthusiastically to help Luyiruo out.

The Eldest Sky Daughter knew that her father would not let Luyiruo have it easy, so she went back first and stole the ring on her father's thumb and had Luyiruo put it on.

The Sky God got the message that someone wanted to marry one of his daughters. He thought that this person must be brave, and decided to test him. He called the man forth, and set a tiger on him. The tiger saw one of the Sky God's belongings on Luyiruo, and backed down. The Sky God then let the leopard out, who also backed down. The Sky God set all of the most vicious animals on Luyiruo, but they all scattered away. The Sky God realized that Luyiruo was no ordinary man.

The second day, the Sky God said to Luyiruo, "so you want to marry one of my daughters to sing and dance with you? That's okay, but you have to pass all my tests first. Go cut down all the trees on the mountain!" Luyiruo went to the mountain, but he only cut down three trees before collapsing. The Eldest Sky Daughter came to his aid. She told him, "start from the bottom, and slice one mark into each tree. Finally, just cut down the tree at the top." Luyiruo did as she said. When the topmost tree fell, all the other trees fell one by one.

The Sky God then ordered him to burn down the mountain so crops can be planted. Luyiruo spent a lot of time lighting just three fires. When he was complaining about how hard it was, the Eldest Sky Daughter came to his aid again. "It's not hard," she said, "pile up the wood first, and light up the pile at the bottom." Luyiruo did as she said. When the bottommost fire was lit, the fire burned all the way to the top. Soon, the entire mountain was cleared out.

Then, the Sky God ordered him to plant buckwheat. He gave him three sheng of buckwheat, and told him to grow thirty-three dan from it. The mountain was so big, how could he plant all of those seeds and harvest thirty-three dan? Luyiruo was stuck again. The Sky Daughter appeared again and taught him a spell. Luyiruo chanted the spell while scattering the seeds, and soon all the seeds were planted. The buckwheat was ready for harvest. Luyiruo took all thirty-three dan to the Sky God, but he insisted that a little bit was missing. The Eldest Sky Daughter told him that the Sky God sent a pigeon and ate a little bit. He had to kill the pigeon to get it back. She gave him a bow and some arrows from the Sky Kingdom. Luyiruo was worried that he would miss. He stood near the Sky Daughter's loom and hesitated to shoot. The Sky Daughter panicked and threw the shuttle his way, hitting his arm and letting the arrow loose. It hit the pigeon. Luyiruo got the remaining buckwheat from inside the pigeon's belly.

The Sky God was difficult. He set up more tests for Luyiruo. This time, he had to get some tiger milk. Who dared get near the vicious tiger? Luyiruo was troubled, but he still decided to carry on. In a shrub, he saw a weasel with cubs, and got some weasel milk to fool the Sky God. The Sky God poured the milk in front of some farm animals. No other animal reacted, but all the chicken ran away. Now the Sky God knew Luyiruo was trying to fool him with weasel milk, and ordered him to go looking again.

This time, he met a wolf with cubs. He took back some wolf milk. The Sky God poured the milk in front of some farm animals. This time, no other animal reacted, but all the pigs ran away. Now the Sky God knew Luyiruo was trying to fool him with wolf milk, and ordered him to go looking again.

The third time, he met a leopard with cubs. He took back some leopard milk. The Sky God poured the milk in front of some farm animals. This time, no other animal reacted, but all the horses ran away. Now the Sky God knew Luyiruo was trying to fool him with leopard milk, and told him that if he couldn't get tiger milk next time, he would have to go home.

At this crucial moment, the Eldest Sky Daughter appeared again. She told him, "the tiger's nest is under the rocks at the mountaintop. When it's snowing, the mother will go out to hunt. You need to kill a tiger cub, wear its pelt, and play with the other cubs. Act like them as much as possible, and when the mother comes back, you can get tiger milk." She also gave him a pig's bladder to put the milk in. Luyiruo did as she said, and successfully brought back tiger milk. The Sky God poured the milk in front of some farm animals. This time, every animal ran away. Luyiruo's tests were finally complete, and he can now take a Sky Daughter home.

The Sky God turned his daughters into vicious animals and had them run towards Luyiruo. Whoever he could catch would be the one to sing and dance with him.

The Eldest Sky Daughter turned into a tiger and ran out. Luyiruo freaked out and failed to catch her. She helped him this whole way, but it ended like this; what a great pity. The Second Sky Daughter turned into a leopard and leapt out. Luyiruo was still scared, and failed to catch her. The Youngest Sky Daughter turned into a boa and flew at him. Luyiruo thought, this is my last chance, and closed his eyes, reaching out, grabbing hold of the boa's tail. The boa turned back into the Youngest Sky Daughter. Her eyes were horizontal like ours, because we're descended from her. People often said that if Luyiruo married the vertical-eyed Eldest, we would be a lot smarter, and could live life a lot easier. But it was the Sky's will that we shall struggle to live.

Just like that, Luyiruo found a partner and went back to the land to live. The Sky God gave many gifts to them, like grains, plants, and farm animals. Originally, the Sky God didn't give us the cat, but it snuck down and helped us catch mice, so we treat cats like gods too. The Sky God also didn't give us delicious oatmeal, but the Youngest Sky Daughter hid some in her pubes. This is why we don't use oatmeal in rituals.

Before they left, the Sky God reminded them, "no matter how much land you have, it will be rife with weeds if no one takes care of it; no matter how many animals you have, they will be hunted and die if no one guards them; no matter how big your house is, it will be destroyed by wind and rain if no one maintains it." Luyiruo learnt the words of his father-in-law by heart and returned to the land.

The couple planted crops and fed animals, living a life full of hope. The land was full of life.

The Eldest Sky Daughter was sad and jealous because she didn't fulfil her own wishes. She came down to the land to get revenge on her little sister and her husband. They had planted a large swathe of barley in front of their home. The Eldest Sky Daughter turned into a deer and ate all the barley. The Youngest knew it was her big sister's doing, and ordered Luyiruo to get out his bow and arrows and shoot the deer. Luyiruo didn't want to do so, and the Youngest did it herself. She tucked her dress onto her waist and ran outside with the bow. Luyiruo, not wanting to hurt the Eldest, snatched the bow and shot, purposefully only hitting a hoof. The deer ran away, leaving a trail of blood. Luyiruo chased after her. The Eldest lured Luyiruo far away, mountain after mountain, until they reached a spring. She revealed her true form, said farewell, and tricked Luyiruo into drinking the spring water, which made him fall into a deep sleep. Only then did the Eldest leave them be and return to the sky.

The Youngest was waiting for Luyiruo back home. She waited for years. There was a monkey on the mountain who wanted to marry the Youngest Sky Daughter. He saw his chance and came to her, saying he could help her find Luyiruo, but he didn't have shoes. She made him a pair of grass shoes, but he only took a few steps before it wore down and he returned. She made him another pair with iron. The monkey scrubbed it against a rock until it wore down too, and he returned again. The Youngest Sky Daughter was dejected, and simply decided to just marry the monkey. They had a lot of little monkeys.

Decades passed with Luyiruo sleeping by the spring. An autumn frost woke him. He drank some water from the spring, and saw in the reflection that his hair had gone gray. He walked home on a crotch, and seeing the monkey there, he got mad and killed the monkey. The little monkeys are the Youngest Sky Daughter's children, so he kept them. But he thought all the fur on the monkeys were ugly, so he boiled a pot of water and burned the fur off them. The little monkeys covered their heads and ran, so the fur on their heads, armpits, and pubic areas was untouched, which is why we grow fur on these places.

From now on, Luyiruo and the Youngest Sky Daughter lived together peacefully. They worked, sang, danced.

But there was a problem. Everyone was immortal; no one would die. Pretty soon, the land was overcrowded. The Sky God thought that all life should both start and end. He sent the God of Life, Abado, to assign an age to all life.

Abado came down to land again. They first gave all plants an age, and moved on to the animals. He secretly sent a dream to Luyiruo to listen close and claim a long age for humans. But he overslept.

Abado yelled, "a thousand!" The alert crane answered their call, so the crane got the longest age. Abado then yelled, "a hundred!" The aware duck answered their call, and got a hundred years, went away shaking its duck butt. Abado went on assigning ages while Luyiruo was still sleeping at home. When they reached sixty, the smart dog answered, and got sixty years. They got all the way to thirteen when Luyiruo snapped awake and hastily answered. This is how humans were doomed to die at thirteen because we liked sleeping too much. Luyiruo turned to walk home sadly.

Abado chased after him and told him, "why don't you talk to the dog? They're the closest animals to humans. Maybe you can trade!" Luyiruo thought, true. Ever since I came back with the Youngest Sky Daughter, the dog had followed loyally by my side. It guarded my home and animals, kept the elderly in company, and gave the young joy. Surely, it will agree? So he said goodbye to Abado, found the dog, and asked to trade ages with it. The dog thought, even though I spent a lot of effort getting these sixty years, I rely on humans a lot. It agreed, but under these three conditions: first, humans must never harm dogs; second, during holidays, after rituals, humans have to feed the dogs first before they can start; third, when dogs die, they have to be buried in the yard with a sack of bones. Luyiruo agreed to these conditions with gratitude. He thought about another animal equally loyal to humans — the cat, who snuck down from the sky to help humans, so he added cats to the same conditions.

From now on, humans can live to sixty years. This is also why the Mosuo hold their adulting ceremony at thirteen years old, because the new life that dogs gave us have started.

You notice how the Second Sky Daughter only appeared once? The second child syndrome is truly a staple of humanity LOL.

Ethnicity or whatever

2025-08-03T00:00:00Z

I've seen a lot of people (or maybe not a lot and I'm just overreacting) mix up ethnicity (民族) and place of origin (籍贯) when it comes to Chinese people, when these two things are entirely separate concepts. And well I want to ramble about it now.

We're mostly all Han. An overwhelming majority. That's ethnicity.

When someone says they're a "Hunan person" or whatever, they're referring to their place of origin, a geographical divide. It usually refers to where your grandpa's grandpa^[1] had been living all these generations, but since a lot of people can't really trace it back that far (or had kept moving), maybe three or four generations would suffice.

Me, for one: my mom's from Hebei and my dad's from Hunan. That makes my place of origin Hunan.^[1:1] I can't half-and-half that since it's not ethnicity and only ethnicity can be mixed.^[2] I grew up in Shenzhen.^[3] I had hardly ever stepped foot in Hunan; I can't speak the dialect and I can't tolerate spicy food to save my life, but no matter where I move to I'd still be from Hunan. (It kinda gives the same vibes as "my papa's papa is my grandpa.") On the ethnicity side, we're all Han.

Geographical divides can't function as ethnic divides because there is no clearly distinct cultural identity across those province borders. Regional differences in dialects or cuisine exist, but they don't amount to separate ethnic identities; and current province borders do not reflect those regional divides enough.

So yeah, ethnicity and place of origin are two separate categories. A person with a certain place of origin may as well be of any ethnicity, and vice versa. For some OC-making advice, you can mix and match those to your heart's content because they're separate categories and technically speaking any combination works (though certain ethnicities are prominent in certain areas and it would be a little weird if you said they're from somewhere too far).

Because patriarchy ugh ↩︎ ↩︎
On paper (like your ID card) even your ethnicity can't be mixed, but that's another story. ↩︎
I am doxxing myself but it doesn't matter since I'm leaving soon and won't be back for years. Plus Shenzhen is huge and you'll never find me. ↩︎

Game: Henry Stickmin

2025-08-13T00:00:00Z

Choose-your-own-adventure game where failing is even more fun than succeeding. I was playing those old Flash games on 4399 since elementary school. The Henry Stickmin Collection, released a lot later, was also great; though some routes in Completing the Mission weren't as fun and felt rushed. My favorite game is Fleeing the Complex, favorite route Presumed Dead, favorite track Complex Waltz.

What I loved about this game in terms of CYOA was that it doesn't feature useless choices like "go left or go right?" The closest example I can think of was in the Triple Threat route in Completing the Mission with "Henry's plan," "Ellie's plan," and "Charles's plan." But that is based on the fact that we already know enough about the characters at this point; and especially with Charles's great track record of coming up with perfect plans we can get a sense of what each character would do, so it wasn't a blind random choice.

Neither does it feature choices that changes an NPC's stats like their affection towards you or anything — like come on that's an RPG thing; what's it doing in my beloved CYOA?? I hate character stat management, let alone NPC stats.

Neither does it feature binary "do this or don't do this?" choices unless in branching points like whether to rescue Ellie in Fleeing the Complex, and even then both these choices lead to their own endings. Most of the choices is not what you want to do, but rather how do you accomplish this thing you definitely want to do. With a clear goal in mind, you choose your method of achieving it, with one success and the rest being failures.

The outcome of each choice is clearly all well-thought out. Fail scenes are funny and I'd argue an even more important part of the game than the plot itself — which is really childish (the government hiring some random outlaw to take down in exchange for freedom a gangster group flying a giant aircraft in the country's airspace? They're flying in your airspace just get the military to blast them into smithereens already), though not as much considering the developer made most of them when he was really young IIRC.

So yeah, great game. This is the greatest plan~~

Did I like it? Yes.
Would I play it again? Yes.
Would I grab a random stranger off the street and make them play it? Yes.
If someone wants to play it, would I throw myself in like a human shield to protect them from harm? No.

Travel blog: summer 2025

2025-08-15T00:00:00Z

I traveled a bit during the summer, yet never wrote about any of it out of procrastination. I'm doing all of it together here.

Contents

Yunnan
- Kunming
- Dali
Xinjiang
- Urumqi
- Altay
- Ili
- Urumqi again
Hebei

Yunnan

The three of us originally planned to go, just us three, together. But right before leaving, Sue found that she had a broken bone on her ankle that needed an operation. So yeah, she's stuck hospitalized. The parents of the two of us left weren't confident in allowing two girls to go out alone, so Selena's mom tagged along with us.

We checked in way too late on the plane so I'm stuck in some middle seat. The people to my left and right seemed like a boss and one of his employees out on business. I think when they chose their seats, they left a gap between them so they could have more space. Sorry for barging in the middle, LOL.

Kunming

Our stay in Kunming was great. The owner decorated the little yard with a bunch of flowers and had some koi in the little stream. It also got a water wheel, where both Selena and I had tried to do a Reverse: 1999 pull with unsatisfying results.

We went to the National Southwestern Associated University museum, which Selena was very interested in. After that, we went to the Green Lake and saw a lot of birds, kitties, and bamboos thicker than my leg.

(I don't like taking pictures, and I changed to a new phone recently, so I'll be posting whatever pictures I can scrouge up.)

That evening, we went to a steam pot chicken place. It was great. Way better than whatever demon chicken soup they make in Guangdong.

The next day, we walked along the Haigeng dam. We saw this guy writing stuff on the floor. I guess I'd be meeting more of these people if I went out often instead of rotting in my room all day, but he was impressive.

Dali

And then we went to Dali. Originally we were going to Lijiang because Sue already went to Dali before, but now that she's not here we decided to not risk the altitude.

There are a lot of halal restaurants in Dali, and apparently there are a lot of Hui people here, despite the main people being Bai. We went past a mosque in the taxi, but didn't go in. I was surprised that it looked just like any other ancient Chinese temple; not a trace of Arabic-ness or anything. Then it occurred to me that this was probably really old and people had no idea what Arabic architecture looked like back then.

We went to the Cang mountain up the cableway. We were batshit scared, especially when the carrier went past a pole and the entire thing jolted. But we came out alive. We spent a lot of time near the pond, which had crystal-clear icy cold water. We tried climbing up but after barely a minute I felt blood in my throat and Selena said to turn back too. So up we gave. There's a little store selling milk tea made with pond water and we each bought a cup. It was the best milk tea I've ever had.

We also biked around Erhai Lake. We saw a little girl with her dad, learning to read. She was really cute.^[1] She's holding a stack of cards, each with a character on it. She'd take a card, show it to her dad, and ask him, "do you know how to pronounce this?" Her dad would pretend to not know, or purposefully give a wrong answer. "I don't know, is it… you?" And the girl would correct him, "no, it's pi! As in banana peel!" And her dad would say "ahh, you're so smart."

We also fell for a candy fruit prank. We bought something called "idiot fruit" because anyone who buys it is an idiot; it's sold specifically to tourists who've never seen it before. We ended up throwing the bag away.

We also went to the Chongsheng Temple, the one with the three pagodas. They were giving out stamps, so we both got one.

It was a gigantic white marble stamp, so big it took both people to lift.

There was also the "frog rock," where if you bump a rock against it, you can hear a frog croak.

Ar first, we didn't find the sound to be different from plain old rock-bumping; but later we realized it was not the rock itself, but the echo, that sounded like a frog.

We went back to Kunming for the plane back home. The last night's stay was pretty horrible; my fault for being cheap. We had steam pot chicken again in Kunming.

Xinjiang

I've always wanted to go to Xinjiang. My travel philosophy is that scenery can all be seen online, and only food goes into your stomach and becomes truly yours. I had noodles, naan, baked buns, big plate chicken, and meat pies. 10/10.

A friend of my mom's happened to have planned a trip with her sister, and my mom and I tagged along.

Urumqi

We rendezvoused at Urumqi. Since my mom and I arrived a lot earlier than the others, the guide took us to a local kebab place he knew. The kebab was nice; they served free milk tea the way eastern restaurants served free barley tea. Real milk tea, mind you, not whatever abomination modern bubble tea is. It was way too salty for me. After the others had arrived, we went to the Grand Bazaar that night to eat whatever we come across. I just had a baked bun and spent the entire trip blowing at it because it was too hot.

The next day, we went to Tianshan Heaven Lake. Out of the six of us, three didn't like taking photos and the other three loved it, so us three were always way ahead of the other three. I had some naan while waiting for them. Chewing it too hard hurts your jaw.

Altay

Xinjiang is one of those travel places where you spend more time on the road than actually touring. We went all the way to Burqin to the Rainbow Beach. It was made that way because all sorts of metals somehow got to the surface of the rocks. Red for iron, green for copper, stuff like that. My mom complained that the picture I took of her made her look too ugly. But that's just how she looks.

We stayed at Jiadengyu, a sort of crossroads to Kanas and Hemu that everyone who visits these places have to stay in. We saw a llama. It feels really nice, I wish you were there to pet it.

It can also loaf.

At a restaurant we also saw a litter of Jianzhou cats playing with each other. Their mom had abandoned them, according to the restaurant owner.

One of them even flipped its belly at me. By the time we finished eating and got out, they got tired and got into a heap.

Ili

We then went south. We passed through the "devil city," which was nothing but heat and rocks and was pretty boring. We also passed through Karamay, and you can smell the sulfur from inside the car.

In Jinghe county, we had some meat pies at a place called "Running Meat Pies." It was great. 10/10.

We got to Sayram Lake and drove around it. I saw a ladybug spread its wings.

At some nearby horse ranch we saw a Kazakh kid fluidly climb up a horse. He wasn't even tall enough; he had to park the horse near a fence and step onto the fence. Bro couldn't have been older than eight.

We got to Horgos, on the Kazakhstan border. We originally wanted to get into the China-Kazakhstan collaboration zone where you can buy cigarettes and wine for cheap, but none of us brought our passports and the place they hand out temporary passes was closed twenty minutes before we got there. I ended up getting some Russian sausage, chocolate, and ice cream, the last of which definitely contributed to the period cramps.

The next day, we got to Narati. My period came and I spent the day in bed while they rode horses. Well fuck me in particular.

From there we went on Duku Highway. There are a lot of groundhogs to the side. They had big butts. Sometimes they stand up and fight each other.

Urumqi again

The journey's almost at an end. The guide took us to a local restaurant. You can tell it's really local when most of the waiters barely speak Mandarin. When I asked him to make the big plate chicken not spicy, he stared at me like I was an idiot for a while (maybe something like "big plate chicken not spicy? Why don't I give you ice cream not cold?" or maybe he just didn't understand me) and when the chicken was served it was still spicy. And then there are a couple of dancers dancing around the place. Do Uyghurs just have to watch people dance to stomach their food or something? Did the restaurant hire them specifically just to dance? Or they're all just waiters taking dancing shifts?

The next day we visited Xinjiang Museum, but exhibits 1 - 6 were all closed and we didn't get to see the dried corpse it was famous for. And then home we went. I have to go to southern Xinjiang one day; I'd really like to visit Kashgar, and also have big plate chicken and meat pies again.

Hebei

We were going to my mom's hometown to visit some relatives before I leave. On the way there we chose a 21-hour train ride. You need to go through double security at the train station now if your train passes through Beijing, even though we were supposed to get off before then. We played card games. Dad won all but two rounds (which I won) because he could actually calculate what cards we had left based on what we had played.

At Fucheng, one of my mom's friends lent us her house to stay in and her car to go places. I ate too much at my little aunt's (she made me two big pots of dumplings) and had a stomachache. Later, we went to Langfang, to my third aunt's. We had some great lamb hotpot. I finished Type Help over there.

I can't believe I'm calling a child cute, but here we go. ↩︎

I'm departing for the US

2025-08-28T00:00:00Z

It wasn't until when I was buying plane tickets and changing the default "round-trip" to "one-way," that it occurred to me: I was leaving for good. It would be four whole years before I'd get back again. (Unless I graduate early LMAO.)

To the United States, where people eat broccoli raw (and complain that it tastes bad) and pack peas inside bags to put on their forehead when they have a fever.

This is pretty much the first time I've traveled alone so far away. I'm ready to make a Twilight Sparkle-style checklist of all the things I need to do. How do I find my transfer plane? Or which conveyor belt my luggage went to? How to check them in again at San Francisco? What if I fuck up and got stranded in, IDK, Detroit?? What if they send me back at the customs? What if I ran into an emergency and had to call my parents but they're asleep and didn't answer?

I'd much rather cuddle in my mom's lap forever but I know that one day I'm going to have to live without them, whether because I've grown up or we're separated by another kind of one-way ticket. I'd much rather go through the former first. At least I can call them and message them, and they can come over during the summer. They even had instructions for me to rent a small place with one bedroom so they can sleep in the bedroom while I can fuck off on the sofa or something, provided that there is a sofa. I need to rent a place regardless; the dorms close during the holidays. Like c'mon, why? My parents aren't letting me go back during the summer either, because "all they do is lie in their beds and waste their lives when they could've been doing internships or taking courses."

But like, who doesn't want to lie in her bed all day?

Five days in the US

2025-08-31T00:00:00Z

It's been exhausting. I've been going to bed before midnight and sleeping until seven these days; and while that's certainly healthy, it also proves how tired I am.

Good news. The trip was okay. I got here without losing a lot of stuff. (Except that one clothes hanger that broke. IDEK when or where; probably during one of the flights or when I dragged the bag down the conveyor belt?)

I went to a lot of new student events. Everyone is so… energetic here. I mean, they acted that way when I was in elementary school, but I assumed it was because we were kids, so the adults want to appear fun. But now, as college students, they still act like that. All the hype, all the cheering, all the socializing… most of the time it's too loud.

It's Sunday, and finally there is nothing going on. (Actually there is, but I just decided to skip on them.) I'm in the dorm on my computer, my roommate is on her computer; life is perfect like this. I have been experiencing an extreme lack of motivation in doing paracosming, but I've grown to know that certain types of stress can do that. Hopefully when classes start I can settle into a routine I like.

The socializing! Day 234 of dreaming to immigrate to Moreland. It's like the entire world is hostile to introverts and the only way to ever be a part of society is to turn yourself into an extrovert. Why do people like going to lunch / dinner in a huge-ass group anyways? Dining is such a personal thing. I just want to get my food and chew on it alone, no talking. It scares me that I'm bound to have to deal with a lot of people eventually, and even to GO TO other people and TALK to them to try to get them interested in ME. Like what the fuck! How the fuck am I supposed to do that!

Also all the water is freezing cold here. I had to buy a kettle for warmer water. I remember when I was a kid I saw this girl putting a slab of ice in her water bottle, explaining that if she finished drinking, the ice would melt and she would have more water to drink. It sounded so stupid to me, because ice has a lower density than water so she's essentially getting less water in the same-sized bottle. But thinking back, she would probably have less water than have room-temperature water.

Oh, and the irony of having the most free time during the weekends, yet everything is closed. I've yet to open a bank account and mail that package to a friend. Hopefully I can get those done by next week.

Oh, and I've just heard about Blaugust today, as someone posted about it ending. Maybe I can join next year. I have a hard time coming up with things to write about, so hopefully that can be a motivator.

One week of college

2025-09-06T00:00:00Z

It's been a week. Well, I fucking hate college.

Technically it wasn't even a week. It's 4 days since we had Monday off. But it felt like an eternity. Most of my classes are just full of reading assignments and discussions and the likes. Makes me question my sanity. I need to take some math next semester.

Also, I have two online classes. Why did I fly all the way here just to attend online courses?? One of them has an in-person period each week, but the other is purely online. But! The purely online one locks future modules and only releases one each week, so you can't rush through all of them at the start either. Why the fuck.

I've played Return of the Obra Dinn. I've known it for a while, but the art style and the 3D put me off a lot. Well, I tried it, and I can't say I liked it. For all my love of mystery puzzle games, I can't play them at all, and have to consult a walkthrough with every little thing. But I also don't like the supernatural elements in there. I'm fine with supernatural investigating, like going into memory of the last moments of a corpse, but when the answer to the mysteries contains supernatural elements, I can't say I like it. I'd much prefer everything to be grounded in reality. Obra Dinn was like this; so was Type Help. But at least Type Help was easier. So yeah, Obra Dinn isn't going on the media list.

I'll spare you the freaking out about being alone, mostly because I can't really articulate my thoughts right now, but know that I am indeed freaking out about being alone and uncertain of the future. I have no idea what I'm going to do and more importantly if I can do it, and I don't think I'll ever have an idea.

让我们说中文

2025-09-10T00:00:00Z

我一直不咋用中文写东西。要问为啥，原因我倒是能讲清楚。

首先就是初中语文课真是把我燃尽了。八百字和八百米真是能害死人的两条天际线，一个物理上，一个心灵上（手臂也算物理吧）。各种令我怀疑人生的作文题，绞尽脑汁地想怎么把现有的素材套上去，反反复复地写着各种幼稚可笑的话语……似乎写作的唯一目的就是能让阅卷老师的眉毛往上抬抬，打个高分。反观英文，到高中前都没有真正地写过东西。那些不到一百词的英语作文都不算东西，翻译题干就完事了。我用英文写的东西都是自己真心喜欢的文字，比如 OC 文和漫画。中文漫画倒也画得不少，但英文写的东西总是更贴近我内心的。（还有一点就是英文的话我爸爸妈妈不会偷看，因为看不懂。）

第二点就是阅读。我总是读英文书更多一些。像比较流行的《猫武士》、《哈利波特》这些书，我要是能读懂原版那肯定读原版好啊。中文的书，我有点印象比较流行的就是《查理九世》、杨红樱的《马小跳》系列和《笑猫日记》系列、还有沈石溪的动物小说了。记得有一次小学阅读课上，老师给我们发了沈石溪的一本书，坐在我前面的同学说他好早就想要这一本了。这些书的共同点都是我当时看提不起兴趣，就又回去看英文书了；现在回想起来，能记得的部分就是依托勾式。比如《查理九世》里我记得当时跟同学借了一本标题好像是“稻草人之乡”，反正就是这个小镇里有一个什么神奇物质，小孩喝了能变完美，所以很多人就把小孩蒙鼓里，搬到这里来，让他们变完美。到最后真相揭露时，主角（还是旁白啊）说他们都是护子。好吧。我现在想起来那就是，没有一个家长会以“永远活在这个小镇里”为代价换取小孩变完美好不好，这个唯一经济支柱就是这种神秘物质的地方哪有工作做啊？变完美了也没用好吧。杨红樱的东西没太大印象了，沈石溪那更是依托。

而且，很多儿童文学我都感觉有股淡淡的机翻味？这个在电视节目里更明显，尤其是很多台配动画。要不是他们的口音纯粹像机器，要么是机器就是按照他们的口音来做的。上了初中后，很多要求的名著阅读那是当然不会读的，纯看考试攻略。我看过的最后一本中文小说是高一的时候看的《活着》（没算上《偷书贼》因为是译本，我还想把英文原版补上呢）。后面基本上都是看的勒卡雷了。我原先觉得很多那种“正经”的汉语文学（如初中必读）都过于晦涩难懂，但想想，勒卡雷对于英文的难懂程度不也差不多吗？所以不是读不读得懂的问题，还是想不想读。我觉得很多小时候没认真读的书可以拿起来重新看看，但不知道要到猴年马月了。（杨恒均的《致命三部曲》也老早就想看了，毕竟好到能把作者送进去的书到底能多好？？但我很担心这个作者的写作水平，毕竟网文。）

呃，所以就是这俩主要原因，一是写得多二是读得多，导致我一直爱用英文写东西。

我也期待某一天我能用维语读东西、写东西。为什么要学维语呢？我自己实际上也不太清楚。很多人学语言的动机是觉得它很美，或啥的。我当初想学法语是因为喜欢《丁丁历险记》。但维语，我觉得它难听死了好吧。喜欢歌是一方面吧，但也只喜欢那一首歌。还有就是就感觉学维语的人真的不够多。全世界都在学法语等西方语言，不缺我这一个（岌岌可危的多邻国连胜……我的 619 真的不想断啊啊啊）。而维语，连一个土生土长的新疆汉族人都不一定会一些基础词汇。而且学了维语，乌兹别克语就唾手可及了。

附上那首歌的歌词（维语基础教程里附的阿布达拉·阿卜杜尔汗的版本）：

شۇ چاغلار

بۇلبۇللار سايرىشامۇ،
گۈلشەن بولمىسا.
قىز-يىگىتلەر ئىزدىشەمۇ،
مەيلى بولمىسا.

ھېچبىر كىشى ناخشا ئېيتماس،
دەردى بولمىسا.
مۇھەببەت ئوتى يۈرەكنى،
پارە قىلمىسا.

بۇلبۇللار سايرىشار،
گۈلشەنلەر ئارا.
شوخ گۈللەر تەۋرىشەر،
مەيىن شامالدا.

سەن كەتتىڭ، مەن قالدىم،
غەمكىن شۇ چاغلار.
خوش دېگەن ئاۋازىڭ،
ھېلى يادىمدا.

每一小节都重复了两次。

哈哈，不是说好了说中文吗，怎么又开始维语了。就是想找借口练练维语拼写和打字吧。可能有错，勿喷。

Chinese chemistry

2025-09-14T00:00:00Z

Note: I've only taken Chemistry for two years so inaccuracies may appear. I'm only accepting corrections in factual errors. I don't care if you have a different opinion.

I have a lot to yap about how learning Chemistry in Chinese is just. A lot better than learning it in English. It makes a lot of things more intuitive and therefore the entire subject easier. And it's not just because Chinese is my native language — I have native-level proficiency in English too and I'm not letting anyone tell me otherwise.

I started Chemistry in ninth grade when the entire thing was taught in Chinese. When I went to high school, I took an Honors Chemistry course that was still mostly in Chinese but the teacher also made us know all the English to prepare for AP Chemistry. (I never took AP Chem. I did CCC and got silver. Fuck them.) And that was when the contrast became really clear to me.

If I spoke fluent Latin, I suppose I would've found English Chemistry easy too? But I don't speak Latin so I can't know.

Starting from the periodic table of elements. With Chinese, not only is every element one character and therefore one syllable, but also the characters are designed so you can know some things about the element just by looking at the character. For example:

Every element that has 钅 on the left is a metal (with the "exception" of 金 (gold), which is literally just 钅). All the others are non-metals (with the exception of 汞 (mercury), which I'll talk about below).
Every element that has 气 on the top is a gas at room temperature. Like 氢 (hydrogen), 氧 (oxygen), and every noble gas.
Every element with 石 on the left is a solid at room temperature. Like 硅 (Silicon).
Two elements are liquids at room temperature. The non-metal 溴 (bromine), and the metal 汞 (mercury). They both have 水 (water) in their characters (氵 is just water).

Other than the "type indicator" part, the other part of the character indicates pronunciation, so it's easy to pronounce it immediately. For example, 硒, the non-metal that's solid at room temperature, is pronounced the same as 西 (xī) (without the 石), despite looking a lot like 晒 (shài) which made a lot of people pronounce it wrong, LMAO.

If I remember correctly the chemists are also the only people with that special privilege to make new characters in the modern day. Like actually get them onto the dictionary and all that, for every new element discovered. But in the meantime I wonder what's the point of making all these new elements when none of them are going to exist for more than a millisecond or something like that. But whatever.

Then comes the inorganic compounds. None of those stupidly confusing number prefixes (monoxide vs. dioxide… why not bioxide?) because the numbers are literally one, two, three, etc.. To name a compound, simply take its chemical formula and read it backwards. For example, carbon monoxide ( $CO$ ) would be "one oxygen compounded with carbon" (一氧化碳), and carbon dioxide ( $CO_2$ ) would be "two oxygen compounded with carbon" (二氧化碳). There are, of course, exceptions,^[1] like hydrogen peroxide ( $H_2O_2$ ) being "too much oxygen compounded with hydrogen" (过氧化氢).

Salts are named similarly. Sodium chloride ( $NaCl$ ) is "chlorine compounded with sodium" (氯化钠).

Sometimes one of these can have different valences, and extra characters are added to indicate whether they have a higher (高, literally "tall") or lower (亚, typically meaning "sub") oxidation state. Take iron(II) chloride and iron(III) chloride. While the IUPAC standard of roman numerals in parentheses can also be used, "chlorine compounded with iron" (氯化铁) and "chlorine compounded with sub-iron" (氯化亚铁) is more often used. The same goes for the anion part. Sodium sulfate is "sulfur acid sodium" (硫酸钠) (the "compounded with" is omitted when the "acid" is taking up a syllable) and sodium sulfite is "sub-sulfur acid sodium" (亚硫酸钠). No need to guess what -ate and -ite respectively mean when it's right there in the name. Acids and bases are also pretty much the same. Just take the formula and read it backwards.

Organic chemistry features even more characters made up for the sole purpose of making chemistry easier. But it's also where the naming patterns are the closest to English, both conforming to IUPAC standards. But it still remained that each thing is one character (except 酰胺 (amide), which, between 胺 (amine), I can never tell the difference). In Chinese, numbering is pulled from the heaven stems, ten characters representing 1 to 10 (甲乙丙丁戊己庚辛壬癸), which is on the same level as the di- and tri- stuff since most people aren't familiar with the stuff over 4, despite 1 - 4 (甲乙丙丁) being familiar to most. But admittedly I've forgotten most organic chemistry stuff. It seems that anything I learned in high school never stuck, but whatever I learned in middle school stays forever? (Except morality and law. I'd go crazy if that thing stuck.)

The ten heaven stems are originally used in conjunction with the twelve earth branches to name years (each of the twelve earth branches is also associated with an animal from the zodiac). It takes ten by twelve makes sixty years to cycle through all the pairings, which is more than enough for people back then who rarely live above that. This year, 2025, is yǐ sì snake year (乙巳蛇年), and next year it would be bǐng wǔ horse year (丙午马年).

As the saying goes, the only thing that's without exception is the fact that there will be exceptions. ↩︎

A way-too-late silkworm diary

2025-09-16T00:00:00Z

In third grade we all had to keep a box of silkworms for Science class.

We'd buy it at those small stores they like to open near schools, selling drinks, snacks, ice cream, and of course silkworm boxes. Now that I think about it, how did the baby worms survive the shelf? Most of these stores are removed now because parents don't like their kids eating junk food. I wonder how they get their worms now. Over the internet?

But anyways, it was this thin cardboard box that open on the top, not unlike the Marine Boy fish snacks (called "a lot of fish" in China). At first they were just tiny, ugly babies, shorter than the horizontal length of my current fingernail, looking like fried maggots, and really boring. But you keep feeding them mulberry leaves and they would grow. My uncle used to pick a sack of them from nearby trees for me while he was at work, which can last for a couple weeks.

They went through the leaves fairly quickly. Many of them died as babies, but eight survived into big worms. They turned big, fat, white, and greedy. Now that I describe it like that they were not unlike a cartoonish depiction of a capitalist. Some other kids' silkworms were colorful, and while I don't really know the specifics, I know they were dyed with some pigments to appeal to kids more. All of mine were white though. They were about the thickness of my current pinky finger.

This was the part where we had the most fun too. We would take them out of the box and let them climb on our hands and desks. We would try getting them to shit on other people's desks. We'd compare whose silkworm was the longest and the fattest. Teachers had yelled at us to keep the box in our drawers. No fewer than one silkworm met unnatural deaths due to us throwing them around. All eight of mine were fine though.

Then they spawned cocoons. Two of mine were yellow for some reason, and I was so surprised, considering they were all white and I'm pretty sure I got normal worms and not dyed ones. The cocoons made them too large for the box, so I moved them to a metal mooncake box, leaving the lid open for air.

And that was when the rats came.

They knew what was good for them alright. All these nights my worms were right out there in the open they never came. Now they became chrysalises and the rats knew they could eat that. Three disappeared on the first night. I moved the box to my room, but three more disappeared the second night. The two cocoons left was one white and one yellow. I really wanted to keep them safe and see what differences are in the moths from different colored cocoons. Wanting to shut the lid tight but fearing the chrysalises would suffocate, I kept a tiny slit open, but sure enough, the last two were gone in the morning. Can chrysalises even suffocate? It's too late to find out.

I went to school the next day empty-handed. Some of my classmates already had moths. One started laying eggs on this kid's desk and the teacher ordered her to wipe it clean.

I used to like dogs but now I like cats more

2025-09-19T00:00:00Z

When I was little I was a huge dog person. I drew puppies all the time and could name breeds at a glance. I dreamed of keeping a husky.

But if you ask me now, I would say I'm a cat person. Not that I don't like dogs anymore; I just like cats more now. I could pretty clearly explain the reasons why.

First, back then, I didn't like cats because I knew nothing about them. All my attention was on dogs that I never knew there were different breeds and colors to cats too.

Warrior Cats was the turning point for me. I didn't want to read it at first because it's about cats and that's boring come on but when I started reading it, I fell in love with it. I started to draw the characters, make cat OCs, and slowly started to like cats more.

And then there's actually getting to know the real animals, rather than imaginary characters and pictures. Cat fur feels so soft and comfortable, and they clean themselves regularly. Dog fur, on the other hand… maybe I just haven't pet a Samoyed or something but all the dogs I've pet have hard fur that felt like plastic wires. Golden retrievers, Labradors, poodles, and a couple of Tibetan Terriers once. They are not fun to touch, and they move around too often; too energetic.

Also my mom got a cat a couple of years back and she is adorable. Her name is Sandstorm. I love her.

Recently my aunt got a poodle and we would walk it for her when she didn't have time. Her name was May and she was really, really energetic, and I couldn't bring myself to love her like I do Sandstorm. Her fur is hard; that puffy part on her head didn't feel any good either since all I can really feel was the hard skull. And she was friendly, way too friendly. She would jump onto our legs, which hurt, and lick my mom's mouth, which she hated. She would tug on her leash so hard I had to run to catch up. She was pretty fundamentally incompatible with my personality.

So yeah, this is why I like cats more now. I want a Maine Coon so bad.

On things we don't understand

2025-09-24T00:00:00Z

I keep thinking back to when my mom and I were in Xinjiang, and we saw a bulletin board about the different types of wild animals local to the area, written in both Chinese and Uyghurche. My mom was all like, "these letters all look the same to me!" Even after I repeatedly told her "they look the same because you can't read them. They will look vastly different if you can read it. Conversely, all Chinese characters would look the same to someone who can't read Chinese." She then said, "well Chinese is really obvious, the characters are all different! But for this, all the letters are the same!"

We repeated our words a couple times over to each other, an extremely unproductive conversation of "how could anyone understand this?" "They can, you cannot! They can't understand Chinese either!" "But how could anyone understand this?" … She even brought it up again when we went back to Shenzhen and saw some Uyghur restaurants with the Arabic script Uyghurche written on the sign. By then, I had begun learning Uyghurche, and could read a little bit of the pronunciation — despite me literally reading the sign out to her (although I still didn't understand what the sign said either), she was still like, "how could anyone understand this?"

It strikes me as interesting how when we saw something we didn't understand, my mom's reaction was largely negative towards it, and had a very stubborn layer of assuming nobody else could understand it if she herself could not; and assuming other people can understand anything that she can understand.

My mom was getting old, so I don't blame her for repeating things and not listening to me. But I can't help but think about this mentality. This goes deeper than a negative attitude towards things we don't understand, like I mentioned before; there's this inability to see things from other people's viewpoint. My mom, being able to read Chinese but not Uyghurche, cannot imagine a person being able to read Uyghurche but not Chinese. Uyghurche was gibberish to her, so she can't imagine anyone comprehending it; Chinese was very clear to her, so she can't imagine anyone seeing it as gibberish.

Which leads me to think about whether I had done this too. It goes beyond just languages and cultures; it includes anything I cannot understand or appreciate, like abstract art, religion, philosophy, or just about anything that appears too "abstract" to me. Would my rejection of them make me un-accepting to new ideas? Conversely, for things I do like and understand, like just English for a quick example, might I appear too haughty to people who don't understand it as well as I do? This should be something to keep in mind.

Paper books are just better until they aren't

2025-09-30T00:00:00Z

Paper books are better. This sentiment is probably shared among a lot of people, but since it's my blog I'm talking about my personal experiences with paper, e-books, and reading in general here.

I love reading. Mostly because I didn't have friends, but well.

My mom made me read a lot of stuff. Before I could talk she was reciting the Three Character Classic to me; they still have a video of that on an old external hard drive. We had all the Berenstain Bears books (in Chinese) and my dad would read it aloud to me and my brother every night. Despite huge cultural differences, they were actually quite relatable to us because there's a big brother and a little sister. Whenever we went outside, she would point at literally anything with words written on it and read it aloud to me; to this day I still have the habit of reading literally any sign I come across.

I could already read most kids' stuff when other kids were still agonizing over learning pīnyīn. In fact, I learned pīnyīn after I learned to read characters. I still remember that in second grade, we were still using the old, small version of the Chinese textbook, and we were reading this story about a little gecko who lost its tail. The teacher asked us if we noticed anything different about this story than all the previous content of the book. I was legit confused and didn't know what was different, but multiple kids immediately raised their hands saying that it was the first passage written without pīnyīn above the characters. Only then did I really notice that indeed, the pīnyīn was gone and the typography was a lot more tidy as a result.

And then we went to the US where there was a library really close to us. I'd spend hours just there, reading through Rainbow Magic, A-Z Mysteries, Warrior Cats, and possibly a bunch of other books I forgot about. (Really sad that I didn't know about Captain Underpants right then.)

In short, reading is great. I love it.

The last physical book I purchased was House of Leaves, which cost me a great 300 yuan and I never opened it, LMAO. Before that I bought the Wings of Fire series. The books were great, but not that worth buying, since they're pretty short and don't feature that many elements that would be better on an actual page, like pictures or unique formatting. Before then I also got the first like 7 books of Spy School, which I gave away to one of my mom's colleague's son after finishing. Now that I think about it I should really see if I can get my mom to tell the kid to stop reading those books, but it was a while ago… Also I kept buying Dog Man and Cat Kid comics because you're just supposed to read comics in paperback.

Somewhere in middle school my dad got me a Kindle. I started to read e-books then, because they are indeed way more convenient. But here's the shame of my entire life that I could never erase: I didn't know how to pirate back then. I bought most of these e-books. Some newer Warrior Cats, random one-offs, and heavens forbid the entire Captain Underpants series — I mean, those picture / comic books are way better off when read in paperback, not to mention the Flip-O-Ramas. I want to slap old-me in the face for this. And also it's Amazon so all my purchases were made in fucking USD with my dad's ancient credit card.

I read most John le Carré books, and all of the spy novels now that I think of it, with pirated EPUBs that I email to the kindle. Because there are simply so many of them. I would definitely go broke if I actually bought them. There is also no way I can fit all of them at home, especially since we started moving between the commie-block and Grandma's all the time — I could only read my physical book collection when we were in Grandma's, but I can read my e-books anywhere, as long as I have my kindle.

I didn't bring my kindle to the US because it's getting old with an annoyingly short battery life and it charges with that old asymmetric Android plug. Even before then, during the summer, I was reading more with my phone. Which made my reading progress significantly slower as I keep getting distracted and switching to other apps; and it's a lot harder on my eyes. I spent way too long on The Little Drummer Girl and had been stalling on A Perfect Spy for two months because of this. Not good.

Which is why, today, I decided to check out my school's library to see if they had it.

I hadn't been in a proper library since my last time in the US. I've only went to my high school's library for the purpose of ~~studying~~ wasting time on my computer; and in addition we didn't have many English books and they were all messily organized. Something interesting. The most-borrowed book there was 1984, which tells you everything you need to know about this godforsaken high school. And also the second most-borrowed was The Moon and Sixpence which was obviously required reading in class for the college-entrance track kids.

So today I got this huge-ass copy of A Perfect Spy that was old as fuck and just the way I think books should be. Old, yellowed, fuzzy at the edges.

What I like about paper books is just. They're paper books. There's no better feeling than the feeling of a solid book in your hands whose pages you can flip through; especially if the paper is old and yellow and gives off that book-smell. But I also like e-books in that I can pirate them forever, and I can carry an entire library inside my phone. But e-books are used out of necessity. If I can conveniently get a paper book, I'd go for it.

I think… In my opinion…

2025-10-01T00:00:00Z

I feel like I often use too much of the phrases "in my opinion" or "I think" here. Which is stupid, because this is my blog. What do you think I write, if not my opinions? Literature reviews?

I should refrain from these phrases as much as possible in the future. This is my blog; I don't need to walk on eggshells, going "I think cats are cute, this is just my personal opinion of course, other people might have different opinions and they're totally valid too, it's just in my humble opinion that cats are cute."

You should check if you use too much of this type of language too. Thanks for listening to my TED talk I guess.

Site doc: characters popping up when hovered

2025-10-07T00:00:00Z

Out of boredom I'm going to write about how I did some of the stuff I did on my site. You can reference this and I hope this can help you, but remember that not everyone's use case is exactly the same, so always make sure you know what a code is doing before copying!

If you go to the index page of my TIR site you will find a grid of cards with characters drawn on them, that will pop up when you hover over them.

Contents

The grid itself

Grid Garden is a fantastic resource for learning CSS grids. The grid part is fairly simple. Just a regular old grid.

.grid {
	display: grid;
	grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fill, minmax(250px, 1fr));
	grid-auto-rows: 1fr;
	gap: 2em;
	margin: 2em 0;
}

The minmax(250px, 1fr) means that each individual column will be 1fr (one fraction) wide, which means every column will be the same width. But if they're smaller than 250px in width, they will reduce the number of columns until they're bigger than 250px again. This makes the two columns collapse into one on smaller screens.

The auto-fill bears no difference to its alternative, auto-fit here, but this article explains their differences well.

grid-auto-rows makes sure each row is 1fr no matter how many rows there are.

Two of the cards, "Characters" and "World," are bigger than the rest. They simply have the big class.

.big {
	grid-row: span 2;
}

Meaning they will span 2 rows.

In the grid, I made 10 <a>s that are the cards you see. Inside each <a> there is a <div> element that contains the background image and text.^[1]

The popups

I put the character art as background images on the <div>s. Here are the pictures:

They are the same size as the cards on a 1920px screen. Sparky and Buttercup are bigger because their cards are bigger.

The base code for background placement looked like this.

.card {
	background-size: cover;
	background-position: center calc(var(--font-size) * 3);
	background-repeat: no-repeat;
	image-rendering: pixelated;
}

image-rendering: pixelated stops the browser from blurring pixel art. background-position: center centers the background horizontally, and the calc(var(--font-size) * 3) after it lowers it vertically by a certain amount. You see why I included the font size in a later section.

For the big cards, I lowered them further by 10px for some reason. It took tweaking and trying.

.big .card {
	background-position: center calc(var(--font-size) * 3 + 10px);
}

On hover, I simply set the vertical background position to 0 (center 0).

For the big cards, there was a problem. There was a little gap between the bottom of the character and the bottom border of the card, which I hate. So I'm tweaking and trying again, ending up with center calc(var(--font-size) / -4 + 20px).

Animation

The good old transition. In Chrome DevTools, there is a handy little bezier curve tool — just click the little symbol next to a cubic-bezier(…) CSS function. Here's mine.

You can see that my animation makes them go overboard a little before returning back to the target value. This is what made them bounce.

.card {
	transition: all .3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1.5);
}

Responsiveness

If I had used pixel values for my offsets, they wouldn't have been mobile-friendly. That's why I used my --font-size variable.

The value of the variable is this: clamp(16px, 0.75rem + 0.8vw, 24px).

It's called "fluid typography," meaning font size changing with screen size. It grows on bigger screens and shrinks on smaller ones!

The clamp function clamps the middle value (0.75rem + 0.8vw) between a minimum (16px) and a maximum (24px); and with vw (viewport width), the middle value changes with screen width.

I didn't write the damn thing myself; it looks horrifying. I used a nice tool here.

By using this variable in calculating the background offset, I get to make it responsive. I also calculate the heading sizes based on this variable so all the text shrinks and grows properly!

Why didn't I just use the <a>? I don't know; I must've had my reasons. ↩︎

生病

2025-10-10T00:00:00Z

换季感冒了。周二早上起来就喉咙疼，喝点热水好了些就没吃药。要在国内早就蓝芩抗病毒哐哐灌了，但这边没得买。周三不出意外地还是疼，外加头疼得要命，早早睡了觉感觉好多了。周四买了 DayQuil 和 NyQuil，18 刀结果每盒里只有八片，感觉有点坑人。一粒药不小，吞完两粒胸口会闷好一阵子。NyQuil 说好的犯困呢？反正我不困。

周四晚上嗓子就开始哑了。本来就是那种很正常的哑，感觉清一清喉咙就好了，但是清了也没用。这真是我第一次这样，也不知道怎么办，话还是照样说，还乐呵呵地录了些“现在的年轻人呐，不讲武德”的录音，觉得声音像老年人，很好笑。然后周五起来就说不出话了。

也不是说不出。说还是能说的，就是很费劲，不如不说。喉咙还是吞咽的时候疼，但说话时再费劲喉咙也不会有特别的感觉。就是出来的声音哑。要是周四没硬说这么多话还会这样吗？但我说话时是真的感觉不到一点难受，就是哑。

要是在国内早跑社康去了。可能第一天吃点消炎药，或者第二天做个雾化，就不会这样了。跑了校医一趟，测了测血压，温度计塞嘴里没发烧，称了称体重是涨回来了；做了个核酸，不是新冠。那好，结论就是你回去多喝水多休息，几天后就好了。

那我现在能咋办，硬撑着呗。反正放假，朋友都回家了，我也没人说话。

Site doc: Using Github to deploy a site made with 11ty to Neocities

2025-10-12T00:00:00Z

I have not clicked open the "edit site" button on Neocities in ages; I only open it when I want to check how much space I'm using. Whenever I make an edit to my site, I just push the commit to the main branch and Github handles the rest. Here's how I did that.

Contents

Git

PetraPixel had made wonderfully-explained tutorials on a lot of these things already, so I recommend checking out their Git tutorial, NPM tutorial, and 11ty tutorial before reading this!

Git is one of the most popular version control systems nowadays. That means it's a tool for keeping track of older versions of your codebase so that if you screw up, you can revert back to an old version. Branches are also helpful. You can create a branch for a new part of your site, or perhaps a redesign, and if you screw up you just go back to the main branch and delete the new branch.

I also have Github Desktop downloaded, which is a GUI that makes things easier. This is back when I was in China and pushing and pulling took ages and I didn't know how to configure proxies (still don't). My VPN proxies all desktop applications automatically so it made things way faster. Now I won't be needing it since VSCode has a GUI for Git too and it's not as slow as before.

11ty

11ty is a static site generator (SSG), meaning it takes a bunch of template files, fills in the templates, and outputs a bunch of HTML files for the browser to read.

Static site generators are great for bigger sites. Suppose I want the same header and footer on every page. I can copy / paste stuff, but what if I want to update the header? I'd have to update everything! And don't even bring up iframes in front of me. They're like loading one page for the price of two. They're only good for embedding another website in yours, like Youtube videos, guestbooks, etc.

I've also recently learned about JavaScript custom elements (components), which could be worth checking out if you don't mind a lot of client-side JS and don't want to go all SSG. But SSGs still offer greater flexibility than simply components. With 11ty, you can

Make a layout so you have the same header and footer in every page, as well as all the <meta> tags
- Wrap a layout inside another layout for specific categories of pages that have their own shared sections
Do pagination with data, which is how I made my character pages
Use data for literally anything, which is how I made many little games with the same character data file
Automatically convert all your images to a certain size and format
Use any templating language you want

When I started out I made my site with the Liquid templating language, but it's quite stupid to work with and now my site's too big for me to switch to something else. If I were to make a new site, I would use Vento.

Why yes, I am shilling for 11ty. If you don't use it yet, and you're thinking your site's starting to get disorganized… Scroll to the top and click on PetraPixel's tutorials!

Deploy to Neocities with Github Actions

This is the good part. Because sites generated by SSGs require a build step, that is, you need to run npm run build and check in the _site folder for the actual contents of the website, it means you can't directly dump your source code and expect the site to function. Github provides a great tool for you to run these build steps on their computers called Github Actions.

Before doing anything, you need to enable them in Github by going to Settings > Actions > General and checking "Allow all actions and reusable workflows."

There are many things Github Actions are capable of which I don't know because I don't use them so I don't care. But each action is a .yml file stored inside the .github/workflows/ folder of your repository.

Each action has a trigger, the thing that makes the action run. If you want the build to run every time you update the site, the most common trigger would be on push — whenever local changes are uploaded to the remote. You'll also want it to trigger only when it's pushed to the main branch too, or your test changes on a test branch can get published and you don't want that. So at the start of build.yml, there's usually this:

name: Build Eleventy
on:
  push:
    branches:
      - main

For me, I have a stupid birthday message system (which I may write about in the future) that requires one build per day to function, which this can do too! Just add another trigger that's a schedule, and schedule it to trigger once every midnight (UTC).

name: Build Eleventy
on:
  push:
    branches:
      - main
  schedule:
    - cron: '0 0 * * *'

The weird cron property is a code for time. I don't understand it either; I grabbed it from here.

Before you start deploying your site to Neocities, you need to access its API. Go to Settings > Manage site settings > API, and generate an API key. Don't show this to anyone else! People can edit your site with this; that's the whole point. Go to your Github repository, click Settings > Secrets and variables > Actions. These are the secrets that Github Actions can use. Click "New repository secret," name it "NEOCITIES_API_KEY," and set its value to the API key you generated.

The rest is copy work. Here's how your file might look, if you're deploying to Neocities.

name: Build Eleventy
on:
  push:
    branches:
      - main
  schedule:
    - cron: '0 0 * * *'

jobs:
  build:
    runs-on: ubuntu-latest

    steps:
      - uses: actions/checkout@v3

      - name: Use Node.js current
        uses: actions/setup-node@v3
        with:
          node-version: current

      - name: Install dependencies & build
        run: |
          npm ci
          npm run build

      - name: Deploy to neocities
        uses: bcomnes/deploy-to-neocities@v3
        with:
          api_token: ${{ secrets.NEOCITIES_API_KEY }}
          cleanup: true
          dist_dir: _site

cleanup: true deletes the files that are on Neocities but not in the _site folder. Set this to true, or otherwise old files you've deleted will still appear on your site!

There are three steps here. The first step makes the computer use Node.js. The second builds your 11ty site. Make sure you do have a script called build in your package.json file! If not, simply add this in:

"scripts": { // the "scripts" object should already exist. If not then just add it too.
	"build": "eleventy"
}

And the final step uploads everything in the _site folder to Neocities.

It's important to not include any file that's not in the list of approved file formats, or the action fails!

Deploy to both Neocities and Github Pages

I have my site mirrored in both these places. I just need another step in my action file to deploy it to Github Pages.

- name: Deploy
  uses: peaceiris/actions-gh-pages@v3.8.0
  with:
    github_token: ${{ secrets.GITHUB_TOKEN }}
    publish_dir: _site
    publish_branch: gh-pages

(The GITHUB_TOKEN secret comes automatically.)

In Github, go to Settings > Pages and enable Github Pages deploying from the branch gh-pages. You might need to let this action run (and fail) once first before being able to select that branch.

Deploying to a subdirectory

But there's a problem! Unless your repository is named tofutush.github.io, Github Pages will deploy the contents of this site to a subdirectory, tofutush.github.io/The-Iron-Ragdoll. In this case, all of the absolute links in your site will break. You link / in hopes that it will take you to the home page tofutush.github.io/The-Iron-Ragdoll, but it would take you to tofutush.github.io instead. How do we solve this problem without resorting to using relative links everywhere?

11ty already provides a solution. When running eleventy, you can pass in a pathprefix variable that's exactly what the The-Iron-Ragdoll in the URL is. So if I run eleventy --pathprefix=The-Iron-Ragdoll, 11ty will host your site in localhost:8080/The-Iron-Ragdoll.

And then, we need to transform every absolute URL into /The-Iron-Ragdoll/ too. The plugin comes straight with 11ty so you don't need to install it yourself.

// .eleventy.js

import { EleventyHtmlBasePlugin } from '@11ty/eleventy';
export default function (eleventyConfig) {
	eleventyConfig.addPlugin(EleventyHtmlBasePlugin);
}

(Add the addPlugin line into your config function if it exists (which is most likely). Don't create another function!)

With that, you can make a new build script, one for Neocities and one for Github Pages.

"scripts": {
	"build": "eleventy --pathprefix=The-Iron-Ragdoll",
	"buildneo": "eleventy --output=_neocities"
}

The buildneo script changes the output directory from _site to _neocities so I don't override things.

This is my final action file.

name: Build Eleventy
on:
  push:
    branches:
      - main
  schedule:
    - cron: '0 0 * * *'

jobs:
  build:
    runs-on: ubuntu-latest

    steps:
      - uses: actions/checkout@v3

      - name: Use Node.js current
        uses: actions/setup-node@v3
        with:
          node-version: current

      - name: Install dependencies & build
        run: |
          npm ci
          npm run build
          npm run buildneo
          npm run copy

      - name: Deploy
        uses: peaceiris/actions-gh-pages@v3.8.0
        with:
          github_token: ${{ secrets.GITHUB_TOKEN }}
          publish_dir: _site
          publish_branch: gh-pages

      - name: Deploy to neocities
        uses: bcomnes/deploy-to-neocities@v3
        with:
          api_token: ${{ secrets.NEOCITIES_API_KEY }}
          cleanup: true
          dist_dir: _neocities

(There is a line, npm run copy, that copies my images from _site/img to _neocities/img. You probably don't need it!)

There we go. Don't we all love this automatic shit.

Other minor stuff

eleventyConfig.setQuietMode(true);

This gets rid of all the lines telling you which file had been written.

eleventy --serve --incremental --pathprefix=The-Iron-Ragdoll

This is my serve script. The --incremental flag makes sure that when I change a file, only that file will be updated, instead of the entire site.

return {
	dir: {
		input: 'tir',
		includes: '../_includes',
		layouts: '../_layouts',
		data: '../_data'
	},
	passthroughFileCopy: true
};

This is the return object of my 11ty config function. input: 'tir' puts all my input files in the tir folder instead of at the root folder, so I can open that folder in Obsidian and it won't have too many extra folders and files I don't want to see while editing my site. If you did that though, you have to set includes, layouts, and data to the parent directory, because 11ty will still be looking at them relative to tir.

I also separated the layouts and include files because there were too many of them.

That's it, I think! I hope you find this helpful!

Guide to naming your Chinese OCs

2025-10-13T00:00:00Z

Want to name a Chinese OC? I've got you covered!

Contents

Basics

Chinese names are surname + given name. Same goes for Korean, Mongolian, Tibetan, Vietnamese, Japanese, and possibly many others that I can't think off the top of my head. It's common for westerners to reverse it, but it's better to use the correct order!

Surnames

You can find a list of surnames in these places.

For Han names, one-character surnames are more common, but there are two-character surnames too. Using uncommon surnames can make your characters look cooler but using too many can make you look cringe. Women don't change their surnames after marrying.

Given names

Han given names are usually 1 or 2 characters long, though more recently there has been more and more 4-character names too, either because it's a 2-character surname + 2-character given name, or 1-character surname + 3-character given name. In the PRC the legal name for a Han person cannot exceed 6 characters.

Now what I'm going to talk about is the way everyone in my family comes up with names, and also just a common way in general. Of course this is not the only way to come up with names, but it is indeed common. It's determining what Wuxing element you lack, and making up for that in your name.

Your Wuxing elements are determined by birth time. Preferably down to the minute, but if you only have a rough time that's okay too; just choose the time block that's closest. Since you'll be naming OCs, you can also just arbitrarily set it.

Go to https://www.buyiju.com/sm/wx.php and enter the birthday and time. Disregard name and gender; they're for other stuff. You only need birth date and time for Wuxing.

I chose some random dates and here are the results. This hypothetical person lacks gold.

(Note: this website is kind of stupid in that it remembers your info for the next session; you need to click "exit test" to enter another birthday.)

After determining what element your character lacks, it's time to make up for it in their name. Either choose characters that literally contain the element in it as a radical (dictionaries usually let you look characters up by radical), or choose characters with meanings that relate to the element (then you can think of an English word and translate that).

For some quick examples, take these common ones:

Gold / metal: 鑫，怡，瑞，祥，铭
- Radicals: 钅, 忄, 王, 礻
Wood: 森，林，菁，荣，楷
- Radicals: 木, 艹
Water: 淼，涵，沐，潇，泽
- Radicals: 氵
Fire: 焱，煜，彤，卓，煊
- Radicals: 火
Earth: 垚，坤，悠，垣，懿
- Radicals: 土

If you decide to give them a 2-character given name, it's not necessary to have both characters contain the element. One is enough.

Of course, this is not the only way to name characters! It's just how my family always named kids (aaaand my parents got my element wrong </3). Another common way is to reference some classical texts, but that requires way to much literacy than I have. Or you can just do whatever random name you find nice!

It's also becoming common for parents to put both surnames in their kid's name, usually into a 4-character name. For example, Zhang Wangxinyu (wang xin yu). In this case, Zhang is still their official surname and Wang is just part of their given name, but it's there.

Siblings

It is common for siblings to have some sort of pattern in their names. Usually they would (in 2-character given names) share one character — e.g. Wang Xinrui and Wang Jiarui, or Chen Ziqi and Chen Zixian. It's also becoming more common for one sibling (or twin) to have the father's surname while the other has the mother's.

Taboos

You know how westerners love naming their kids after themselves? Some Louis the two hundredth bullshit. Well that's a taboo in China — you should never let a younger generation's name be similar to anyone in the older generations. This would only be relevant if you make a lot of characters in the same family.

And well I can't think of any other taboos off the top of my head. Obviously it's bad to name your kids after bad stuff you know, but other than that IDK.

Ethnic minorities

Many ethnic minorities use Han-looking names with some patterns.

For example, a person with the surname 马 (mǎ) or 穆 (mù) has a good chance of being Hui — it actually came from Muhammed and Muslim respectively (well, uh, I think, I can't be 100% sure, but it's too big of a coincidence).

A Manchu person with the surname 付 (fù) is descended from Qing royalty (one of the eight flags. I forgot which. Not the yellow one though). I know because they told me. In fact many Manchu people had to change their names to Han-sounding ones to escape persecution in the years directly following the collapse of the Qing dynasty. It also means that if you try to make a Manchu character called Fu something I'm going to call bullshit on you because I personally know them (well, some of them, but come on how many could there be). Manchu characters named 董 (dǒng) are thin ice because I also know them personally but since they're from the yellow flag (IIRC) there could be way more of them scattered around.

A lot of Zhuang people have the surnames 韦 (wéi), 覃 (tán), 蒙, (méng), 农 (nóng), and 蓝 (lán).

A lot of Koreans have the surnames 金 (jīn / Kim), 李 (lǐ / Lee), 朴 (pú / Park), (崔 (cuī / Choi), and 郑 (zhèng / Jeong). (I suppose this also holds true in Korea.)

Not in China, but about 40% of Vietnamese people have the surname 阮 (Nguyễn).

Non-Han names?

Admittedly I don't know that much about non-Han names but I do know naming conventions for Uyghurs. It's given name + father's given name. So if you see someone named Aygül Memet, you immediately know her dad is Memet [Aygül's grandpa's name]. You should never refer to a Uyghur by only their last name (e.g. no calling her Ms. Memet), because that would be just literally calling their dad.

An account of moving

2025-10-15T00:00:00Z

I have not moved that much but I hate it. I guess I just hate any sort of change in my life.

I remember living in 6th floor, 4th floor, 8th floor, the commie-block, and Grandma's.

Apparently my parents still lived in my dad's dormitory when mom got pregnant. But they moved to 6th floor before I was born. Which brings into the question of when they bought 6th floor and how were they confident enough to move in so soon after furnishing it, considering how paranoid they were about newly-furnished spaces. They delayed my starting middle school for two weeks because the classroom I was assigned was newly-furnished. Unless 6th floor was pre-furnished when they bought it, which I doubt.

Apparently I had drawn all over the walls. When I was like, I don't know, 4 or something, they finally got all the walls repainted white.

6th floor was outside the pass. According to the internet, the pass was canceled in 2010; but in practice it must've gone on longer because I still remember the red and green taxis. It was when I got back from the US that I noticed the taxis all turned the same color.

Soon after starting elementary school we moved to 4th floor, a place close enough for me to walk to school myself. It was also probably cheaper because no one wanted to live on the 4th floor. I had my own room in 4th floor.

My favorite thing about 4th floor was the bauhinia flowers. We were just high up enough to be surrounded by them. In winter, I would wake up to a window full of pink. Sometimes they grow into the bars on the windows. Sometimes birds land on the branches. One time they cut down all the trees for no discernable reason but they quickly grew back up. There was one tree that remained a stump for a while, but someone put a rack around it with a sign saying "this tree is still alive — let it grow!"

At noon I would also go to 8th floor, where my brother and his dad lived. They had no elevator. Neither did 4th floor but 4 stories was a lot easier to climb than 8. I would read my brother's collection of The Adventures of Tintin until the pages ripped, and eventually I bought another set.

We went to Grandma's place in the middle of nowhere one time for New Year. That was when COVID happened and 4th floor was in the middle of it, so we were stuck there. And then school started, which was awkward because 4 out of the 5 people living there needed to attend online classes — two as students and two as teachers, the one lucky folk who doesn't need to being grandma. But the apartment was quite new and we weren't planning on staying this long, so we didn't have Wi-Fi, and we couldn't afford doing so many online classes on data. We ended up borrowing the Wi-Fi of our neighbors directly upstairs. Now that I think about it, are they the ones with the kid who kept messing up Ode to Joy?

Eventually we resumed offline classes and moved back to 4th floor.

In high school we moved again to the commie-block because of my parents' work. This was the real upsetting one. We were leaving 4th floor for good, and I still don't think I'm over it.

We moved everything to Grandma's, including my books, the pipa I'd never touched since then, and Sandstorm. Sandstorm took a while to adjust. She found the nearest bed and crouched beneath it, refusing to come out for a couple days. Now she also liked poking her head dangerously out the window, not registering that we're now 5 times higher than we used to be and if she fell down again she's dying.

We also started to move between the commie-block and Grandma's because nobody liked the commie-block. My parents would stay there in the weekdays while I was at school, and during weekends they would pick me up from school and drive to Grandma's. On Sunday they would drop me back off at school and go back to the commie-block. Sometimes they'd have plans during the weekend so we would stay at the commie-block that week, and I'd have to sleep on the couch, unless my dad was sick; then I'd sleep on the bed with mom and he'd be off to the couch.

The commie-block wasn't all bad. There's actually life there. We were also close to a shopping mall. There was no life at Grandma's. Everything felt dead and my room didn't feel like mine. There's some neighbor who practiced the piano every weekend. They were playing Ode to Joy really badly for months.

I wrote this post mainly to reminisce about 4th floor. I missed the feeling of home and the bauhinia flowers. Sandstorm seemed happier there too. I don't know if I'll ever find somewhere that I could feel like home again.

Site doc: Image gallery

2025-10-18T00:00:00Z

Contents

The data

I keep all of my art in one huge-ass folder (all art from others being in another folder) and the data for all of them (including art from others) in a huge-ass .json file. Here is what gallery imgs.json looks like:

[
	{
		"name": "sky sans cards",
		"type": "png",
		"date": "2025-06-15",
		"ch": [
			"sky"
		]
	},
	// ...
	{
		"name": "sparky nightsun king-lee",
		"type": "png",
		"date": "2025-07-01",
		"author": "king-lee",
		"authorUrl": "https://artfight.net/~king-lee",
		"ch": [
			"nightsun",
			"sparky"
		],
		"comment": "Artfight 2025 defense!"
	},
// ...
]

Each picture needs a name, type, and date property. If it doesn't have a ch property, then it doesn't contain any of my characters and is therefore fanart. If it's drawn by someone else, it needs author and authorUrl.

As of this writing, gallery imgs.json is 4613 lines long. Man.

But this isn't done yet, because I want to sort the entire file by date before using it in any capacity! 11ty allows you to make .js data files, which is why I have another gallery.js that returns the array but sorted by date.

import gallery from './gallery imgs.json' with {type: 'json'};
export default gallery.sort((a, b) => b.date.localeCompare(a.date));

(I have to include with {type: 'json'} or 11ty throws a fit.)

Now in any content file, gallery gives access to this sorted array.

Gallery pages

Now that the data's ready, all there is left is to use it! For the gallery pages, I wrote filters to get all of my own pictures from a specific month of a specific year.

eleventyConfig.addFilter('getOnlyMyArt', function (arr) {
	return arr.filter(a => !a.author);
});
eleventyConfig.addFilter('filterGalleryByDate', function (arr, f) {
	return arr.filter(a => a.date?.includes(f));
});

The way you use it is:

{% assign myArtInJune2025 = gallery | getOnlyMyArt | filterGalleryByDate: "2025-06" %}

The way Liquid's, and most template engines' filtering chain works is basically the value before the filter is passed in as the filter's first argument — in this case arr. Any values after the filter, here it's "2025-06", will be passed in as the 2nd, 3rd, etc. arguments. So the thing above is equivalent to this in JS:

let myArtInJune2025 = filterGalleryByDate(getOnlyMyArt(gallery), "2025-06");

(The functions getOnlyMyArt and filterGalleryByDate don't actually exist, since I registered them directly as filters, but we can pretend they do.)

To make the gallery pages, I made a page that has the a years data array in its frontmatter.

years:
 - 2023
 - 2024
 - 2025

I have to edit this manually each year, but since it's only once a year I won't get tired doing this and attempt to automate it, LMAO.

I then paginated this data, so 11ty would make a page out of each of these years. Inside each year, I cycled through the 12 months, which thankfully is quite easy to do in Liquid.

{% for month in (1..12) reversed %}
	// ...
{% endfor %}

Inside each month, I filtered for my art in that month, and displayed them on the page if there was a nonzero amount. With 11ty's pagination.previous and pagination.next, I can also link to the previous and next years on this page.

Character pages

Another place I need to show the art is in their pages! This is fairly simple as I only need to filter for all art where the ch property contains the character's name.

eleventyConfig.addFilter('filterGallery', function (arr, f) {
	return arr.filter(a => a.ch?.includes(f.toLowerCase()));
});

(toLowerCase because they are all lowercase in the data, but the name I passed in is uppercase.)

{% assign filteredGallery = gallery | filterGallery: "Sparky" %}

But as some characters' galleries grew (looking at you Sparky), it would be bad to dump all of that on their main page. I could make a gallery subpage for that character if they have more than 10 images. How can I automate that?

Here's a neat thing I found. 11ty's collections feature, especially the part where it lets you make your own collections, doesn't have to return an array of pages. You can have it return anything you like! Which is why I made it return a list of characters with more than 10 images.

eleventyConfig.addCollection("charactersMoreThan10", collection => {
	return characters.filter(ch =>
		gallery.filter(img =>
			img.ch &&
			img.ch.includes(ch.name.toLowerCase())
		).length > 10
	);
});

The code above filters the characters array for characters with more than 10 images. You can see I never used the collection variable, which 11ty was supposed to pass in.

The img.ch && part of the code simply ensures that when I did img.ch.includes(), img.ch wouldn't be undefined so it won't throw an error. If img.ch doesn't exist, the statement gets cut off so anything after && doesn't get evaluated. But if img.ch does exist, the interpreter moves on to the part after && and returns the last part that's true (which is the second part in this case, since there are only two parts).

Now I have a list of whatever characters have more than 10 images, so I can paginate that with a permalink set to be a subpage of that character!

pagination:
  data: collections.charactersMoreThan10
  size: 1
  alias: ch
  addAllPagesToCollections: true
permalink: "characters/{{ ch.name | lowerCase }}/gallery/"

On the characters' main pages, I also filtered for the first 10 images in their gallery, and linked to the subpage if they had more than 10 pieces. Wonderfully fully-automated big galleries. I love 'em.

Sparky and I

2025-10-26T00:00:00Z

It struck me how different Sparky is from myself. You know, usually people's main characters, let alone parames, would be a lot similar to themselves. But Sparky is different from me in every aspect.

Sparky is strong. I don't get out of bed unless I have to.
Sparky grew up in a rich family but isn't spoiled at all; compare that to Willow. I grew up below-average, yet came out quite spoiled.
Sparky is determined, self-assured, and confident. She would not let anyone cast doubt on herself.
Sparky is outgoing.
Sparky is loud and obnoxious.

I don't know what caused her to be this way. It's not like she's someone I aspire to be (rich family apart) — she's quite an annoying bitch to be honest.

In fact, I don't even think Qibli, my literal self-insert, was that similar to myself. I wouldn't know what character is similar to myself — I think it's because I don't even know that much about myself. I've never "related" to a fictional character before; I don't know how other people find them "relatable." I've only thought they were cute and therefore loved them, or thought they were badass and therefore admired them.

I used to think I'm aro-ace due to me not understanding why shipping is so fun, but now that I think about it more, I feel like I just have an inability to form meaningful relationships,^[1] whether it's real or fictional people. Like, I don't get personalities. I can't see when someone (real or fictional) is "out-of-character." Twilight Sparkle doing the same jumpy thing as Pinkie Pie wouldn't have struck me as off. Back when I was doing Chinese reading comprehension for the high school entrance exam where they ask you about a character's characterization and stuff, I simply attributed it to me having awful reading comprehension. But now I wonder if there's really something deeply wrong with me.

But anyways it's lunch time.

Yes this is a Cards Against Humanity card LMAO… ↩︎

Scrapped story arcs, or, how TIR developed

2025-11-17T00:00:00Z

The very first story of TIR is Coastline Middle School Mysteries, but there was one before it called Hillslope Mysteries.

If you had been on my site for longer, you might have seen that story tucked in the last page of the stories page; or you might even remember the time when the comic was front and center, the first thing you see when opening my site. But now I had removed it entirely because it was old and cringe and scrapped anyways.

It was because TIR started as a Homestuck fanventure featuring my OC, whose name is… you guessed it… Sparky. Full name Sparky Donuts, indigoblood. She was friends with the twelve beta trolls, but before then, she lived at Hillslope, a little town. Her backstory was that she solved a mystery in Hillslope, and then everyone else died in the process so she moved out and met the beta trolls one by one.

She would then do stuff with her new friends, such as playing FLARP with Eridan (forming Team Garbage) against Team Charge and Team Scourge, going into a treasure hunt with most of them, along with Aradia's ghost, thwarting one of Eridan's attempts to destroy Alternia, and finally entering Sgrub with them. There was also a storyline about her ancestor the Deserter, who deserted the Condesce's army and blasted herself into space.

Later I decided to change this whole story into an original story, deleting everything involving the other trolls, and The Iron Ragdoll was born. The Hillslope arc was harder to transfer, because the adults weren't just mysteriously in space in this new world. They are just here with us, like a normal world. So I came up with a bunch of weird justifications, like Hillslope was a government orphan welfare program, the program wasn't completely for orphans but also for kids whose parents can't afford to raise them, Peacock pulled Sparky out because he married Amber… Convoluted stuff. And then I deprecated it, transferring all Hillslope residents into Coastline Middle School; and finally wiped it entirely — it's safe in my Git history anyways.

Here's a list of the original Hillslope residents.

Tomato: rustblood. Didn't use to be twins with Potato, since can trolls even be twins? And there certainly won't be twins of different blood colors.
Myriad: rustblood.
Alaska: rustblood.
Ribbon: bronzeblood.
Potato: goldblood.
Guillotine: goldblood. Originally called Amulet.
Icicle: goldblood. This one didn't make it into Coastline Middle School, and had been a guy. She sat in my "misc" section for quite a while before I pulled her out for Sunflower's story.
Melody: oliveblood.
Starry: jadeblood. This one followed the exact same trajectory as Icicle, except she's canonically cisgender while Icicle is trans.
Tephra: tealblood.
Cosmo: ceruleanblood.
Tundra: purpleblood.
Dragonfly: I forgot what blood he had. Or he wasn't in the Homestuck version in the first place, since he doesn't have a 6-letter name. Yeah on second thought I definitely added him after turning this to TIR and before I scrapped the arc, to explain Sparky's strength now that she's not an indigoblood anymore.
Jerboa: I couldn't be sure whether he was originally in Hillslope.

As you can see, they all had 6-letter names. Sparky was actually renamed from Lightningtail, one of my first OCs ever, with multiple forms and iterations; Sparky is merely troll Lightningtail.

There are no sea-dwellers in this town, because obviously. I had a storyline where a violetblood I forgot the name of came here and was a bitch to everyone here, and Sparky got all smitten over her while combatting her internal bi-phobia LOL. I could never get the design of the violetblood pinned down so there it went.

Project Boomerang was in the development soon after the transition from Homestuck fanventure to TIR happened, and the story for Jerboa was that he got sent to Hillslope after his parents disappeared. So that's technically the oldest story I have. And very consequentially, since old story = young me = bad writing, it's one of the least developed, since I still do not know yet who was even the perpetrator behind his parents' kidnapping and murder. But I feel this story would have lots of potential, and I am in love with its message: that technology cannot be truly neutral; especially cutting-edge ones, they're always politicized and scientists have to compromise some of their principals to actually do research and advance technology.

The entire superpower system was created to justify Sparky's superstrength, which is such an integral part of her character. Cosmo's ceruleanblood mind-reading too.

Homestuck will damn you for life.

Webmaster Questionnaire

2025-11-23T00:00:00Z

Inspired by Asuraid!

Please introduce yourself.

Tofutush.

How long have you been making websites?

I… can't remember. For my main TIR site specifically, it's a little more than one year.

And what got you into the hobby?

Okay this is going to sound really long-winded like everything about me, but hear me out. So I liked Scratch as a kid, alright. And then for some reason I found out about BYOB, which is like another Scratch that let you build your own blocks. And then, I was trying to find this BYOB thing again when I found out that it's changed to SNAP! BYOB, and it's written in JavaScript and open-sourced on Github. So I downloaded the code (without even knowing what Git was; I just downloaded the ZIP file) and played around with it. It's mostly JS (I lied it's all JS), so I learned JS, and somehow found Eloquent JavaScript which is a really good book it's online for free. I read the 3rd edition but it has a 4th edition now. I once even emailed the author once asking a really stupid question, and they emailed back answering it, and I still cringe at that. And then if you learned JS, it's only natural that you start making websites. I… I just realized I didn't really answer the question. Sorry.

Oh and there's MSPFA which, like, allows a lot of HTML stuff and I guess the TIR site started when I tried making a mirror of my comic.

What kind of website are you most interested in?

Personal OC / Worldbuilding sites!

What's your workflow? Do you plan your websites out thoroughly or do you come up with the design as you go along?

Nah I do the webmaster version of "no beta we die like men."

Please link to your biggest inspirations.

Oh my… here's this question that's always like "I'd have a lot of stuff to say but not off the top of my head." Numbers Story definitely is among the top. And BNT's site. There are many more sites that I love but I discovered them a lot later so they don't really count as inspiration.

What's your favourite part about making websites?

Making everything automated LOL, I love it when I just update one thing and multiple things on different parts of the website update accordingly. Like I add an entry to gallery imgs.json and the picture appears in the gallery and character galleries, etc.

And the thing you struggle with the most?

I think… layouts? Because, well, if you look at all three of my sites, they're all just vertical stuff going downwards LOL. I think the biggest problem was that I just have to make my font gigantic, and that makes columns really hard to do, because there isn't enough space left when the font's that big. And I just suck at design in general. Really scary considering designing is like a part of my major right now LOL I'm so cooked.

Do you keep the same layout on all of your pages? Or do you use different ones?

Mostly the same. Some have sub-layouts. Like world pages with their categories display and stuff. But the main layout is the same.

How confident are you with CSS?

Very.

Do you know how to correctly use <dl>?

Whelp, never heard of it. (Actually I heard it when reading Aid's response to this questionnaire but that doesn't count.)

What is your favourite HTML element?

<legend>. Girl's a legend.

If you're making a new web page from scratch, what is the first thing you do?

<html><head></head><body></body>.

Do you know JavaScript?

Yes.

How about PHP?

A little.

Does your website have a theme that you stick to?

For TIR, most things are gray to emphasize the characters' soul colors. This website's color scheme is taken from Cohost.

Are you more focused on content or design?

Content, probably.

Do you own a domain name? If not, would you ever want to?

No. I'd like to but I just can't commit. The domain I can purchase right now (tofutush.cn) wouldn't be useful in any professional capacity; what I'd like most is one whose apex domain I can use professionally someday in the future, and I can shove my TIR stuff into subdomains. Plus, I'm not sure whether the cheapest TLD for me (.cn) would be "professional" looking anywhere outside China — or inside China for that matter. Maybe when I'm actually there and less stingy I would buy something.

What do you think of nostalgia-focused or "retro" websites?

Eh, I'm not fond of them. They don't bring me any nostalgia because I'm young and had been on the internet for even less time.

Is your HTML valid? Do you even check?

It should be. I don't check but it should be.

What are your opinion on buttons and banners?

I love buttons! Banners not so much, but I love some neat and tidy 88x31 buttons.

What do you think of button walls in particular?

When they get too big without some sort of categorizing I feel like they lose their point, but I do own a small button wall.

If you started over again, would you make something similar or completely different?

Very specific answer — I'd use Vento instead of Liquid, and it's going to be pretty different in terms of templating but not a whole ton of change in site structure and appearance.

Are you envious of other people's websites?

Well yes, sometimes. Especially when they're very full of content (glances at Numbers Story…)

What text editor do you use?

VS Code.

Why do you use that one?

Atom died and everyone told me to switch to that. There was an Atom plugin that I loved though, it's called Pentagons or something and it literally just puts a bunch of floating pentagons in the background. For a while after the switch, I missed the pentagons so much I couldn't focus on any coding and tried using the dead Atom for a bit before it really became unusable.

Do you host your image files on your web server, or on another host?

On the server.

This might not be relevant to you, but what's your opinion on the Neocities vs. Nekoweb debate?

I don't care. I still prefer Neocities for the social aspect, and I don't need to fetch anything really.

How much server space would you estimate your main website takes up?

Neocities tells you that exactly, it's 112.74 MB.

Do you keep local backups of your files?

Just one copy, which is the cloned Github repo, which doesn't really count as a "backup" LOL.

Do you prefer simple or highly visual websites?

It depends on how the webmaster executed it. But I tend to the more simpler side.

Do you stick to certain colours? Do you do that on purpose, or is it your subconscious?

Grayscale, because I suck at colors. Other than that, Cohost color scheme. If you really force me to make my own color scheme, I'd go for blues, because I like blue.

Have you ever thought about quitting? Why?

No. Sunk cost fallacy.

Do you have many webmaster friends, or is it a solitary hobby?

Well, if they consider me friends?

Do people in your real life know about your website?

Yes.

Do you update your website very often? How often is "very often"?

It auto-updates every day LOL. But other than that, I do update it quite often, especially when I'm procrastinating on real-life tasks.

And the overall design, do you change that much? Why or why not?

No. Lazy; and aforementioned lack of design skills.

Is your website more you-focused, hobby-focused, or outside world-focused?

Hobby, I suppose. It's revolved around TIR I mean. This blog is me-focused; it's literally a blog.

Do you do web design professionally?

No.

If not, would you like to? And if you're comfortable answering, what do you do for work?

I don't know.

Do you communicate with people by email very much?

There's school; and I usually contact the OC Webring people with email if that's what they left as their contact method.

Some people reject social media and use websites as a replacement. Do you keep social media outside of your website?

Yes.

How about instant messengers? Do you use a mainstream one like Discord or Telegram? Or something like Matrix? Do you avoid them?

Yes.

Do you listen to music while you work on websites? If so, what kinds of artists?

Yes. Random stuff. Every MLP song. Many Homestuck songs. And — sigh — Hazbin Hotel songs. And random stuff I come across that I download and horde in my offline music library 3GB large.

Do you keep everything you make on one website, or do you have more than one?

Three. TIR, blog, OC webring. Sometimes I talk about TIR meta on this blog.

On a similar note, do you keep to one topic on your site, or many?

Blog covers anything I want to write about.

Do you present your real self, or at least try? Or do you construct a persona on purpose?

Refer to this post — I don't know what my real self looks like. But I don't try to construct a persona, so I suppose this is my real self.

Have you ever made a good friend thanks to your website?

Still, it depends on whether they think I'm their friend LOL. It's not like I actively reach out and talk to them. Well.

Are you happy with the way HTML and CSS currently work?

Yes, most of the time.

What are practices that you think people should avoid?

Iframes containing content of the same site (they're for embedding other sites' contents!). Too much client JS. Fancy fonts (but now that I override fonts it doesn't matter that much — except those iframes, ugh!) Using vw and vh on literally everything.

What about under-utilised practices, or things you think people should do more?

Fluid typography.

Do you use a lot of semantic HTML? Or are you guilty of generic structure?

Well, I do use a lot of <div>s LOL.

Do you consider different browsers?

Not really, eh.

Speaking of, what's your preferred browser? Convince your readers why they should use it.

Chrome. Don't use it. Use Firefox. Thank you.

And what OS are you on?

Windows 11, ugh.

Do you have a strong opinion on that, or do you just happen to use it?

I just happen to. It sucks. Use Linux. Thank you.

Are your websites mobile-friendly?

Yeah!

What are your thoughts on autoplay?

I hate them hate them hate them

What are your thoughts on webrings? Are you in any?

I like them! Though I think I'm now in enough of them that I don't actively join more. I also have one myself!

Do you have any web shrines? What do you like to see in that sort of page?

No.

Are your websites "cliche", in your opinion?

I don't know? It certainly looks kinda generic and "corporate," I guess. Refer to my non-existent design skills LOL.

What is your ideal website? Are you striving for that, or for something else?

So full of content. It answers every question you raise. It gets you immersed in my world, turns into a fan of TIR and a fan of me, and eventually you will worship me as your god —

Are you an artist? Do you draw or design your own assets?

I draw!

What are your favourite resource sites?

Eh, I don't really know any.

Is there a habit you just can't get away from no matter how hard you try?

Itching to change layout, add new stuff, etc; only to give up because of this huge-ass font I'm adamant on not changing and my terrible design skills and my high standards.

What's your biggest advice for a new webmaster?

Don't be afraid to use templates, don't be afraid to copy code, and utilize the DevTools!

Do you keep all your styling in CSS? Or do you hard-code some?

Well, the hard-coded styles are still CSS! But yeah most of them are in CSS files. If there's a small thing I need a style for and I don't want to create a class just for that, I code it into the style property.

What do you think of frameset layouts?

Archaic.

How about table-based layouts?

Archaic.

Do you subscribe to the ideas of "one-column", "two-column" and "three-column" layouts? Do you use any of these?

Mine is one-column. I don't know how they are "ideas" you "subscribe" to… They're just layouts?

Do you spend longer on the HTML or the CSS?

CSS.

Have you ever made a page with no CSS? It's useful for your thoughts.

Nah.

Do you ever find yourself making layouts with nothing to put on them? Or do you only make layouts when the need arises?

Nope.

Would you consider yourself a beginner? Or advanced? Somewhere in the middle?

I'd say somewhere between middle and advanced.

Do you have a habit of looking at the source code of websites you visit?

Yes.

How did YOU learn how to make websites?

I forgot LOL. Refer to question 3.

Do you ever force elements to do things they're not supposed to?

Maybe that had happened. I don't know.

Thoughts on floating elements?

Only for images.

When you're sizing stuff, what do you use first? Do you use px, em, %, or something else?

Either em or %, depending on situation.

Do you have a favourite font?

Lexend Lexend Lexend Lexend Lexend Lexend —

Would you run a website with another person? How would that work?

I would probably not.

Do you surf the Web to find new personal websites very often?

At first yes; but now I'm following a lot of people on Neocities I find my local feed enough to satiate me.

Do you bookmark other people's websites? How would you feel knowing someone else bookmarked yours?

I don't really bookmark sites. I follow them on Neocities, or add their button.

What do you want people to be most impressed with when they see your website?

My OCs and world and their stories!

Are you interested in technology outside of websites? Do you collect?

Kind of? I don't collect.

How often and for how long are you online?

I'm chronically online.

When it comes to your website, who is your target audience?

Myself, and whoever's out there I guess.

Have you ever been interested in XHTML?

It's HTML's half-sister born with a stepfather (XML) that HTML hates, and said half-sister manages to throw more tantrums than HTML ever could in her life and she's an annoying, spoiled wreck.

Do you program in general? Have you ever written a program for use with or on your website, not counting simple JavaScript?

Well, if AP CSA counts then Java LOL. Tried making some games so there's C# and GDScript.

Speaking of programs that help you make websites, what do you think of static site generators (SSGs)? Have you ever used one?

Eleventy Eleventy Eleventy Eleventy Eleventy Eleventy —

Do you keep a hitcounter? Why or why not?

No. I'd say I don't care but I do a little LOL; but Neocities's view count was good enough.

Do you frequent forums? Which ones?

32-bit Cafe, lurking.

Do you write your page content directly into the editor, or do you prepare it elsewhere, like a text document or a Word document?

For Markdown files I use Obsidian. For the character pages, they're generated by an obnoxious .json data file that I edit using a program I wrote myself and it's kinda neat and kinda hell.

Do you think you appear cool to others? A more accurate answer now: do other people ever say you're cool?

Uh, no.

Are you embarrassed of your old work? Have you ever deleted everything out of shame?

Yeah, the Hillslope comics.

Would you close down your website if you couldn't update it, or would you leave an archive?

I would definitely leave an archive.

Do you reveal a lot about yourself on your website? Or are you more secretive?

I think I overshare LOL.

Are you willing to reveal who your best online friend is, and/or if they have a website?

I don't have an online bestie, I don't think. (Subtext: nominations open.)

And do you optimise the images on your website?

Yes, I turn most of them into .webps to torture y'all. The refsheets are available in .png though. And you can easily find all .pngs on the Github repo.

We're out of time! How do you feel after answering 100 questions? ….other than exhausted.

Well, my fingers feel numb.

Snow!

2025-12-05T00:00:00Z

I started writing this on 2025-11-19, but I wanted to wait until it actually started snowing to publish it.

I came from a place where it never snows. The only time it "snowed" was one really cold winter where the top of a really tall mountain got frosted.

My mom, however, comes from the north. If we go back to her home for new year, I'd be able to see snow! (My dad's home, though still in the south, is north enough to snow a bit; but I hate it there so I don't care.)

It started to snow on the train in the dark. I sat by the window looking at it until I got too tired and had to sleep.

I loved stomping around in the snow and sliding on patches of the road that got frozen in ice. One time we tried building a snowman, but the snow was too powdery to make any sort of shape. From then on I've always wondered whether those round snowmen in cartoons were physically possible.

Another time my cousin took me to a frozen river. We were walking on it, when we reached a patch where the ice was thinner. She asked me how heavy I was, and I didn't know. She said a lamb could walk over it without breaking the ice. So we went back, weighed a lamb, and weighed me. I was lighter than the lamb, so we went and walked over the ice. Thinking back, we shouldn't have bothered — my cousin was older, taller, and definitely heavier than me; if she knew she could walk over it, then certainly I could too.

The beds in the north were this kind where it has a maze-like pattern underneath. You light a fire in the next room, and the heat gets directed under the bed and through the maze, ensuring the entire bed is warm. We'd all sleep on it, adults and kids, sharing a few big blankets. My cousin and I liked to crawl back and forth underneath the blankets and it would make the adults mad. When we waked up the next day, all the adults would've already been up and it would be cold.

The last time I went, my cousin had a little brother who was a whiny bastard and he pooped on the bed once. I didn't even know how a 2-year-old with a tiny butt could crap something this big. My cousin picked it up with a couple of poker cards, so there goes the deck.

There was an ice cream wholesale place in town. We'd buy a huge bag of ice cream that filled up the freezer in the dead of winter. I was only allowed to have one throughout the entire time. I didn't know why we even bought them in the first place.

At one point my uncle (either the father of my cousin or another uncle; don't remember) was carrying me and pointing out constellations in the sky. That was the big dipper. That was Sagittarius. There were so many stars in the sky. There were more stars than there were the sky. I don't think I'm ever seeing anything like that again in my life. I liked sleeping outside too, but my mom had to stay out with me if I were to do it, and she didn't like it. We only slept outside for one night in my memory.

There were cucumbers and melons in our yard. At one point the dogs had pups. One of them got itself stuck in the wall somehow but we managed to get it out and it survived.

The floor was plain cement, but years later they put tiles on the floor with my mom's money and everyone liked it. They live more elsewhere than in that old house now though.

2025-12-04: There was a thin later of frost on the grass.

2025-12-05 Here it comes! Snow!

I woke up at like eleven o'clock. Out the window I could see that the lawn nearby our dorm building was completely covered in white. And as I headed out to lunch, it's still snowing! Snowflakes are falling out of the sky just like that. I opened my mouth trying to let them fly on my tongue. I'm still a little weary about stepping on it, but once my boots arrive, just you wait!

A Perfect Spy is great

2025-12-09T00:00:00Z

I recently finished A Perfect Spy by John le Carré. It was a great book.

One interesting thing of note is that this book, the author had stated, is semi-autobiographical. The main character's life matched le Carré's nearly completely, save for the treason part (bro wrote a book as therapy). And the main character kills himself in the end. (I don't consider this a spoiler because you don't need to be even halfway through the book to know that the main character fully intended to do this and there's nothing anyone else could've done to stop it.)

He said it's what he would've went through if he had stayed in the MI6. Why did he leave? Kim Philby blew him, LMAO.

The book's main character is Magnus Pym, a British intelligence officer. His dad, Richard Pym, was a con man. (Guess what le Carré's dad was.) The book focuses on Magnus's relationship with his father figures, which there are two of, but the second one is technically a spoiler?

It takes place after Rick died. Magnus flew back to England from Vienna, where he was stationed, to attend his funeral. But after that he just disappeared. Because he ran off to a little town to write letters to his son Tom, named after his grandfather, and his boss literally named Brotherhood, perhaps for a specific reason but I don't know. The book alternates between chapters of Pym's letters, where the author uses a very interesting point-of-view; and chapters in the perspective of other people, like his wife Mary and boss Brotherhood, as they go looking for him.

The points of view in Pym's letters is very interesting and made it quite hard to comprehend at first. So, it's written by Pym, recounting Pym's own past, for either Tom or Brotherhood and for some of them it's kind of unclear to whom a certain letter is addressed. Maybe if I reread it it would become clearer. Yet, Pym uses the third person to refer to himself. But he also uses the first person too. It was kind of confusing at first, but then I realized that the third-person "he" Pym is Pym at the time the stuff taken place, and the first-person "I" Pym is the current Pym. Well to be honest I could be wrong, but it seems like it. I'd have to actually reread to check. (I'm only even writing this post to get my mind off of that terrible book written by a certain ZXR, which honestly I should do more of. Positivity instead of negativity!) The "he" Pym only knows what he knows at that time, as a teenager, young adult, etc.. The "I" Pym knows everything the fifty-year-old current Pym knows, sitting in his room in that little town.

And there's "you," Brotherhood. It's clear that letters with "you" that's clearly referring to Brotherhood are addressed to him, but I don't really recall him addressing Tom with "you." Hang on, is Brotherhood also a father figure to Pym? I don't know girl, bro's daddy issues run deep.

A lot of the messaging in not only this book but also many of his other books were a lot of "the Empire is no more, we just work for the Americans now!!" But the Americans always appear in some nearly comedic way. Like when an American says the word "gentlemen," the author spells it as "junnlemen." (It only happened twice but it's still kinda funny.)

All in all A Perfect Spy is a really good read, although I wouldn't recommend it to anyone new to le Carré. Start with The Spy Who Came in from the Cold if you want to get into his works. I'd be reading The Russia House next.

Did I like it? Yes.
Would I read it again? Yes.
Would I grab a random stranger off the street and make them read it? No, unless they have a track record of reading long and boring books, and have read The Spy Who Came In from the Cold prior.
If someone wants to read it, would I throw myself in like a human shield to protect them from harm? No.

Site doc: Relationships graph

2025-12-10T00:00:00Z

Contents

I have a pretty fun relationships graph, and I recently added the feature to focus on a single character and the relationships surrounding them. Here's how I did it.

Inspiration taken a lot from Obsidian's graph view, though I don't know how Obsidian did theirs. I used D3.js, the industry standard for JavaScript data visualization. Now, D3 is still a mystery to me but at least I did what I did.

D3.js

I used the force-directed graph example. There's already a bunch of code for you to copy there, hooray! You can try it out yourself a bit first! Note that the example gives its code wrapped inside a chart = { … }, which is I suppose something required in that specific environment, and won't work in a plain browser; and the line with invalidation on it will throw an error, so just remove it (the comment also says it doesn't matter so yeah).

There is some starter code here — click the "UMD + CDN" tab, copy that, and replace the script with the one from the example. Keep the last line, container.append(svg.node()); though.

For the data, you can download it from the paper clip icon on the top-right. It gives you graph.json, though I like to rename it graph.js, add a const data = at the beginning, and include it in a script tag before the main script, because I'm a lazy ass who doesn't wanna deal with json files. What matters is that you can get the data into the data variable that the code can use. If you see a bunch of blue and orange dots you can drag around, then hooray!

Looking at the code, you can see that it's quite easy to read. Like, what do you think —

const svg = d3.create("svg")
	.attr("width", width)
	.attr("height", height)
	.attr("viewBox", [-width / 2, -height / 2, width, height])
	.attr("style", "max-width: 100%; height: auto;");

— this does? It sets attributes for the svg element. Change some of those numbers around and see how the graph changes.

You might be wondering, what's all them dots before attr about? Well, that's something called "function chaining." It's made possible by the people who wrote D3.js, where they put a return statement after every single function that was supposed to return void, and made it return the object itself instead.

// Possibly what this function looked like
function attr(name, value) {
	// stuff
	return this;
}

This means that whenever you run the attr function, the object you're running it on — svg — is also the output. And this makes it so that you can immediately put a .attr right after to set another attribute. This enables you to write the code above, instead of —

const svg = d3.create("svg");
svg.attr("width", width);
svg.attr("height", height);
svg.attr("viewBox", [-width / 2, -height / 2, width, height]);
svg.attr("style", "max-width: 100%; height: auto;");

— this.

Most functions in D3.js are all chainable, as you can see from the example code.

Forces

Look at the part where it says:

// Create a simulation with several forces.
const simulation = d3.forceSimulation(nodes)
	.force("link", d3.forceLink(links).id(d => d.id))
	.force("charge", d3.forceManyBody())
	.force("x", d3.forceX())
	.force("y", d3.forceY());

This is where the physics stuff is happening. The "link" force pulls linked nodes together, the "charge" force makes all nodes repel each other, the "x" and "y" force both pull all nodes towards a certain x and y position.

Here, the example is using all default values, which is fine, especially for the "x" and "y" forces, because they default to half the container's width and height — the center, which is exactly what we want.

What we can change, however, is the distance of the "link" force and strength of the "charge" force. Simply chain a strength() and distance() function after it.

d3.forceLink(links).id(d => d.id).distance(200)
d3.forceManyBody().strength(-400)

The strength for this is negative because we're making them repel.

You don't need to change anything yet, because the graph looks perfectly nice at this point! But if you change stuff about the nodes, like adding pictures and labels, you're gonna need to set their distance apart so they don't get mushed together.

Also, you might have noticed the .id(d => d.id) function. This is because in D3's "set" functions, it can take a value or a function that evaluates a value. The latter case is there for when you need to calculate the value based on the node's data, which is why the specific node that's being acted on is passed in as a parameter, in this case d. The code above sets the ids of the link force to the ids of each node, respectively.

You can also see this on .attr("stroke-width", d => Math.sqrt(d.value)) and .attr("fill", d => color(d.group)) too, as well as in the simulation.on("tick") function, where it is important.

Data structure

The code requires two parts of data: nodes, and links. Every node needs a unique id, and every link requires a source and a target, whose values need to reference a node's id. So the bare minimum for a data file is this:

const data = {
	nodes: [
		{
			id: "1"
		},
		{
			id: "2"
		},
	],
	links: [
		{
			source: "1",
			target: "2"
		}
	]
};

In the example, the nodes also had a "group" property, which determined their color. It's not necessary, but if you add it, you can reference it in a function.

For me, I needed the following data: characters' names (which are ids since all my characters have different names), soul colors (can't do without!), and a thumbnail picture for nodes, and description of the relationship (e.g. "mom," "friend") for links. So my data looked like this:

const data = {
	ch: [
		{
			id: "Sparky",
			color: "#0cf",
			img: "/The-Iron-Ragdoll/img/gallery/MXoErqmXYg-200.webp"
		},
		{
			id: "Amber",
			color: "#e15f19",
			img: "/The-Iron-Ragdoll/img/gallery/6hDpgFeaJ5-200.webp"
		},
		// ...
	],
	rel: [
		{
			source: "Sparky",
			target: "Amber",
			rel1: "daughter",
			rel2: "mother"
		},
		{
			source: "Sparky",
			target: "Peacock",
			rel1: "stepdaughter",
			rel2: "stepfather"
		}
		// ...
		]
};

They're named differently, ch and rel instead of nodes and links, but that's okay, just remember to change the code too.

Of course, my lazy-ass would never write and maintain such a file by hand. I automate it by generating it with a Liquid template. In 11ty, you can set the permalink for a file to be of any filetype — so I made it a .js file!

permalink: "characters/relationships/data.js"

In this Liquid file, I loop through my existing characters and relationships data to get what I want. It's .js not only because that's easier to import than .json, but also .json is stricter about commas after the last element and all, and would be more of a hassle to generate.

Labels

Now we got our data ready, it's time to show them on the screen!

Names

Referencing the example code and googling, adding text works like this.

const nodeLabel = svg.append("g")
	.selectAll("text")
	.data(nodes)
	.join("text")
	.attr("text-anchor", "middle")
	.attr('font-size', 16)
	.attr('font-weight', 'bold')
	.attr("dy", 32)
	.text(d => d.id)
	.attr("fill", "var(--text)")
	.attr('opacity', 0.5)
	.style('user-select', 'none');

This code appends a "g" to our svg, selects all the "text" elements (even though there are no text elements yet? I don't know girl, the example wrote it like that too), gives them the nodes data to work off of, join "text" yeah that I don't really know either but I just know that these three lines adds a text element for each node we have. And then it's just style setting stuff. .attr("dy", 32) is the key, it pushes the text underneath by 32px so it doesn't overlap with the circles.

Oh, no! All our names are in the middle (lowered by 32px)! How come? This is because we didn't update their positions in the tick function.

Find simulation.on("tick", () => {. This is the function that updates stuff every frame. Add this in there:

nodeLabel.attr("x", d => d.x)
	.attr("y", d => d.y);

Yeeaaah, it's literally just "set x to x, set y to y." I actually have no fucking idea how this works but it does.

Another important thing is to make sure nodeLabel's definition in front of node's. This way, node comes last and is always layered at the top, so you can actually drag them without other stuff blocking your mouse input.

Relationships

Copy-catting code again, we can add labels onto the link lines.

const linkLabel1 = svg.append("g")
	.selectAll("text")
	.data(links)
	.join("text")
	.attr("text-anchor", "middle")
	.attr("fill", d => d.source.color)
	.attr("font-size", 12)
	.attr('opacity', 0.3)
	.style('user-select', 'none')
	.text(d => d.rel1);

This is for the first relationship. The second relationship features the same code, just with d.target.color and d.rel2 instead.

Now, in the tick function this time, simply setting x to x and y to y doesn't work anymore for some fucking reason. So I just set it to halfway between the two nodes.

linkLabel1.attr("x", d => (d.source.x + d.target.x) / 2)
	.attr("y", d => (d.source.y + d.target.y) / 2 - ((d.rel1 === d.rel2) ? 0 : 5));

The important thing to note here is that here, it's obvious that the links data array had been mutated by D3. d.source used to be merely a string, but it's been turned into an object. The mutation happened right on your original data. This will come up later.

I also played a little trick. If the two relationships are the same, like friend and friend, I make them overlap. Otherwise, there's a little bit of a vertical offset between them so people can actually see the text.

Nodes

Links

It would be great if clicking on a character takes us to their page! Simply append an a.

bigG.append("g")
	.selectAll("a")
	.data(nodes)
	.join("a")
	.attr("xlink:href", d => `../${d.id.toLowerCase()}/`)
	.attr("target", "_blank")

Pictures

Character thumbnails! Instead of boring circles, let's do pictures. This is easy because SVG allows rendering bitmap images in the middle of them. Find the node constant, and replace the lines drawing the circle with adding an image instead.

// ...
	.selectAll("image")
	.data(nodes)
	.join("svg:image")
	.attr('width', 40)
	.attr('height', 40)
	.attr("xlink:href", d => d.img)

You only need one data(nodes) in there, so delete any redundancies. And if you added links in the step above, change selectAll to append so the image is wrapped in the link.

Oh, now the pictures are crammed in the middle again! In the tick function, change cx and cy to x and y. I suppose this is because cx stands for "center x"? So it only works on circles. But now the point where the links meet are also visible. This is because the image's anchor is on the top-left, so you need to offset it by half its width and height to make it centered. I don't know how to dynamically compute the image's width and height from here, so I had to hard-code it, which is 20px.

node.attr('x', d => d.x - 20)
	.attr('y', d => d.y - 20);

Hover effects

Cool hover effects! Made with the event functions (similar to "tick") pointerover and pointerout. Both of these functions have 2 arguments, event (which I never used, but can be helpful if you want to get the current mouse position) and data. Chain it to node because that's where you want the hover event to trigger.

.on("pointerover", function (e, d) {
	// ...
}

It's a matter of finding which element the mouse is hovering over, and adjusting parameters accordingly. To find myself, simply do d3.select(this). This is the node you're acting on.

d3.select(this)
	.style('z-index', 9);

This brings the image currently being hovered to the very front.

To highlight related things, like the character's name and their relationships, we need to find them first, with a filter.

nodeLabel.filter(l => l === d)

If nodeLabel's data (which we assigned through the function .data(nodes)) matches this one, then we know it's the right one. We can make changes to it just like how we did above, but can't we do some transition animation?

nodeLabel.filter(l => l === d)
	.transition()
	.ease(d3.easeCubicInOut)
	.duration(200)
	.attr('opacity', 1)
	.attr('font-size', 20)
	.style('z-index', 9)
	.attr('dy', 36);

After calling transition(), you can set an ease method, and here's a list of them. I like cubic-in-out the best. Duration's in milliseconds. The stuff that's chained afterwards will be transitioned into during that time period.

For the link labels, the filtering method should look for their source and target instead.

linkLabel1.filter(l => l.source === d)
	// ...
linkLabel2.filter(l => l.target === d)
	// ...

And finally, for links, matching either source or target is fine.

And then add a nearly-identical pointerout function that simply reverses any changes made in pointerover!

Zooming

The following two sections, zooming and changing data, would require a bit of a structure rework, but is complete avoidable if you don't want to do them.

For zooming, all you need is a simple function call on svg. However, stuff gets funny so you need a wrapper. I called it, bigG.

const bigG = svg.append('g');

After that, change everything to be appended to bigG instead of svg. If you search the file, you should only come across 3 instances of svg now, at initialization, bigG's initialization, and the final svg.node().

And then, chain this function call to svg.

.call(d3.zoom()
	.on("zoom", (event) => {
		bigG.attr("transform", event.transform);
	}));

Hooray, now you can zoom and pan!

Font sizes

But hey, now the font sizes are also increasing as you zoom, but I don't want that, because when I zoom in it's because I want to see the jumbled text more clearly. How do we prevent that?

The zoom function provides an event variable, which has an event.transform.k. That's the ratio of how much you've been zooming. Using that, we can set dynamic font sizes. Dividing the font size by event.transform.k, we can make them smaller as we zoom. This also entails replacing every hard-coded font size with variables. I have three of them, font12, font16, and font20, for different sizes. They're set to 12, 16, and 20 initially, but divided by event.transform.k on every zoom function call. I also capped them at 12, 16, and 20 with Math.min, so they don't get larger when zooming out.

Changing data

Here comes the new part that I did recently, which was changing your data in real time.

It's actually kinda simple now that I look back. Basically, remember how we defined every single element group with const? Don't. Define them as lets at the top of the script, and of course remember to remove the consts that came later.

And then, wrap all your rendering code in a big function called updateGraph(data), or whatever you like, really. It should contain everything except bigG's and svg's initializations, all the way until the end of the tick function (which also goes in there). Basically, everything that has a reference to data, either nodes or links, should be changeable and shoved into the function.

And then, near the top of updateGraph, get rid of everything inside bigG.

if (bigG) bigG.selectAll('*').remove();

Every time you get some new data, call updateGraph with the new data, and a new graph will appear in place of the old one!

As for filtering the data itself, that's pretty much another topic, but one thing to note is to not include links that link to non-existent nodes. I'll talk about my specific approach below.

Filtering data

Now, this is messy. It's a mess. There are too many loops. I tried logging some stuff in a loop once and apparently it was called more than 10 thousand times. This is why if you drag the slider too often it lags.

The setFocus(ch, d) function is called every time the focus character or the depth changes. If "none" is selected, then all characters are shown and the depth slider is disabled. Otherwise, filter out relationships with ch and d.

The main for loop will run for depth times, and each run of the loop will add to the new characters array characters that have immediate links to the ones already in the list. So the convoluted statement in the loop states:

Filter out the original character array (data.ch), finding characters that satisfy condition A.
Condition A is: the character doesn't already exist in the new array (chNew), and for this character, there exists a relationship that satisfies condition B.
Condition B is: for the both sides of the relationship, source and target, one of them is the current character, and the other is a character that exists in chNew).

On condition B was where I got stuck, because of the aforementioned link list mutation that D3 does behind my back. So originally where r.target was a string containing the target's id, it's now an object, and to get the id you have to write r.target.id.

There is probably a way more efficient way to write this, but I'm too lazy to think right now.

Now that we have our list of characters, just filter out the relationships where both sides are characters in chNew. And call updateGraph with the new data!

Here is my code for you to look at. It's a little different from what I presented here, some places are tidier and some are messier, and there might be changes made after publishing this post. It's still up to you to decide how your graph will look like!

博客一周年（多）

2025-12-11T00:00:00Z

不记得第一篇博文是什么时候发的了！但目前站上最早的一篇是 2024-09-26 的，所以至少一年了。说来也搞笑，本来建博客的初衷纯粹是因为铁打洋娃娃在一个子目录里，母目录就必须得放东西，就随便搞了个很基础的博客上来。可能迟早母目录得腾出来当简历，但我最想要的还是一个自己的域名，根域名放那种给大人看的东西，然后博客和铁打洋娃娃就放在子域名里。

本来我是觉得自己压根不会写多少东西的，但有了个博客就慢慢地有想法了，就是那种要是没有博客就想想就忘了的那种想法，因为有了博客，才会想到去把它写下来。在九月份刚听说 Blaugust 时一数，才发现八月居然正好发了 5 篇。现在，不算上这一篇，都有 37 篇了。有的长，有的短，有的不是原创，但都是我一个字一个词写出来的呢！写博客时得时常非常刻意地组织语言和架构，同时告诉自己不要太在意别人想法，又同时告诫自己不要在我们伟大的万维网上透露太多个人信息。有时写着写着就会冒出那种“这有什么关系？有人会看吗？0 人在意”的想法，也没必要刻意地去反抗，我不是人了吗，我是我自己最忠实的读者，最大的粉丝。

一开始这个网站设了有编辑博客的功能，就是每篇文章上两个日期，创建和更改日期。后来，一是把比较常编辑的页面挪到了 Pages 里，二是觉得博文又不是维基天天改来改去干啥，就把那个功能取消了，现在发出来顶多做小修正。发完又删除的博客数量绝不为零，但我尽量不删除，留给未来的自己看，尬到内出血，然后再删也来得及。虽然说 Git 历史里都是会留痕的吧，只要 commit 了就丢不了。标签最近才加上，因为博文数量变多了，整理整理。

可能是因为有很好的 HTML / CSS 技巧但压根不会设计，也可能纯粹是审美疲劳，我老是觉得自己的网站不好看啥的，想改，想加东西，却不知道怎么改或加什么，就搞得自己很难受。一直在找方法赶走这难受的感觉（除了“建新网站”因为也不知道建一个什么样的新网站……我是特别想再弄一个 Obsidian + Quartz 的，兴许能搞个间谍维基？但我实际上又不是很了解这个话题……多读点书后再来考虑吧），刷手机算一种吧，但副作用很明显，那就是刷手机。最近也玩起了数独， https://sudoku.com 上“专家”难度的现在运气好十多分钟，运气差用一两个提示也能半小时做完。

IRL。学期是快结束了，还行。这学期很常规地上了 15 学分，进来才发现身边人都是怪物，一学期上到 23 的，想 3 年拿俩文凭一辅修的。下学期我还是常规地 15 学分，主要是部门不让我报多于 16，因为我“还没上完课，绩点为零”。再说了，这学期轻松首先是第一学期课都简单，其次是很多课我都没认真上，阅读资料就前两周读了读后面都没看了。

维语照样学，照样没有任何方向，就是每天刷 Anki，新词汇不够了就再加两课的生词。感觉我背单词背得挺快啊。我超喜欢 غ 这个字母，就长得很可爱，尤其是前连式，比如这个词里 يىغ（收藏）。双连式也挺可爱 ئۇيغۇر（维吾尔）。主要可能是比较独特吧，毕竟维语里没有没点的版本，只有这个带点的。

寒假照样没有计划，可能得学学 GRE 吧，再看看怎么学车。

Pikmin Bloom players are evil

2025-12-14T00:00:00Z

I've been roped into playing Pikmin Bloom by my friends, and the closer I look, the more evil we all are.

We force the pikmin to walk with us wherever we please.
We send them on expeditions, essentially enslaving them.
We draft them with the mushroom battles.
Worse, we have them hooked on nectar. Why do you think they all rush to us whenever we hold it out? And even when we throw it to the floor, they don't hesitate to run over and pick it up. Because they're addicted. They're trapped by us because we're their only source of nectar!
Alternative explanation: the nectar is their food, and they're starving. We have an intentional strategy to feed no one more than 6 times a day — to keep them hungry and reliant on us.
Recently, I've also discovered this: we have a pikmin limit. If we want to grow new pikmin, we'll have to kill the old ones. The game makes it sound tame by saying "release" instead of "murder," but really, setting them off into the wilderness all on their own, what do you think is going to happen to them? We're such heartless monsters. (You can also increase the limit with real-life currency purchases, but that's just Nintendo being evil and nobody is surprised.)

Morally depraved actions aside, the game is quite fun, though not very effective in motivating me to walk. More than half of my pikmin are all college crest patch pikmin because I don't go off campus. I've also realized, after adding a couple of random people who sent me friend requests, that this is The Doxing Game, and hastily deleted these strangers.

于是又回到了 Obsidian

2025-12-15T00:00:00Z

Notion 还是用不下去啊，又回去把铁打洋娃娃弄成了个 Obsidian + Quartz 网站。

我发现我写东西必须要有个很强的……怎么说呢，赛博氛围。实际上也不仅是赛博吧，纸上写也差不多。就是要是软件的界面不好看，或者不能纯粹地写文字而还要担心排版，那我就没有写作欲。我本来就不怎么爱写东西，挑来挑去也正常吧，就是得把所有东西弄得开开心心规规整整才能好好写东西。

这就是为什么我很喜欢 Markdown。因为我不用排版，一颗星斜体两颗粗体然后解析器就给我搞定了。相比之下，要是写纯 HTML 内容，每个段落打个 <p>，那我会很痛苦，写不下去。这里还有一点就是我很注重的内容样式分离。这份文件（对我把网站上的每一篇文章都叫“文件”搞得自己是个情报员一样很好玩嗯）内容就是这些，这些内容在标题里还是侧栏里，页面上有没有个可爱的 pagedoll，我写文件时这些都与我无关。也就是说，HTML 是 HTML，主体内容是内容，俩不要混一起。这很关键，因为混一起了我就老想着去改 HTML。Toyhouse 让我受不了的原因就是在此，它做不到内容样式分离。

而这又要说起我们伟大的 Notion 了，界面乍一看挺整洁的，但都是边距和圆角的功劳，字又小，又没啥个性化功能，切页面也得等半天，打开一页就压根不想写东西，最重要的是排版还是自己排，本质上没有内容样式分离。

而这又要说到我们伟大的 Obsidian 了，至今为止我是没找到过我更喜欢的写作软件。铁打洋娃娃中英文俩站现在都是 Obsidian 里写的了，打开 Obsidian 是写内容，打开 VSCode 是调样式。虽然每次新建仓库时都得重新下载插件和复制 CSS，但还是很棒，我喜欢。还有一点就是保存反馈。虽然 Obsidian 都是自动保存的，Ctrl + S 我怀疑没有任何用，但有一个自动排版插件（Linter）是有 Ctrl + S 启动的，而且排完了右上角有个小提示。这就让我这个保存控很满意，每次按保存后都有及时的反馈。而且本来乱七八糟的排版一下就变得十分规整本来就是超级爽的啊，我太可预测了。

写中文真是把我本来就贫瘠的中文表达能力又挖出来鞭尸。尤其是铁打洋娃娃这种，本来就是最贴近我心灵，最私人的东西，结果无法好好地用人话，用我自己的母语写出来，就让我很痛苦——尤其是用英文写时又很少有这种感觉。天天什么是什么的，什么什么了了了，写的时候就在尬，回头读时更尬。中文本来就具备及其言简意赅的能力，怎么到我这就变成一长坨呢。怪来怪去最后还是只能怪阅读量，怪自己。

Guide to making a website from your Obsidian vault with Quartz

2025-12-16T00:00:00Z

Here's how to turn your Obsidian vault into a website with Quartz and Github Pages. Note that Obsidian has a paid "publish" feature that, if you can afford, could choose instead.

What Quartz can do: folder tree, table of contents, backlinks, graph view, full-text search, page-preview hover. Customization, though too much customization would require knowledge of HTML and CSS.

What Quartz cannot do: plugins like Dataview, import your CSS snippets (you'll have to do it yourself).

There is a technical setup guide, along with a video guide, right on Quartz's website (which is itself built with Quartz so you can have a look at the default appearance), but that language may be hard to understand. If you don't have any troubles following that guide, then great! Otherwise, I will try to walk you through the steps.

Contents

Prerequisites

Obsidian, duh.
A Github account.
If you don't know what "git" is, had just created a Github account, etc., then Github Desktop. This is for transferring the stuff in your Obsidian vault, which is local to your computer to Github, over the internet. If you are familiar with this, then do whatever Git workflow you're most comfortable in.
A text editor of your choice. Cannot be rich-text editors like Word; cannot be fucking Obsidian itself; could just be Notepad, or even Github's online editor itself. I recommend VSCode but that would be an overkill if you don't already do programming.
If you'd like to preview the website on your own computer before releasing it for the whole wide world of web, Node.js (scroll down to "get prebuilt node.js"). But note that no one except you is gonna be staring at your site all the time (hopefully) so this is very optional.

Some terms

Repo = repository
Git is a version control system that makes repos and records how their code changed, so you can revert back when you fuck up.
Github is a service that stores Git repos online. There are plenty of other services that do the same thing, but Github is what I'm most familiar with.
Github Pages is a service that creates websites from Github repos if you want to. It's not the only way to make websites from Github repos, but it's the most convenient.
Clear cache: instead of getting the same files over and over every time you visit a website, browsers will download these files and show them to you as if you're actually connecting to the internet. These downloaded files are called cache. Cache is your friend because it speeds things up, but sometimes the actual file had been updated but your browser is still showing you the cached version and that's annoying. Use Ctrl + Shift + R or Ctrl + F5 to clear the cache and force the browser to get the new files over the internet.

Content structure

Your vault needs an index.md at the very root. That's the only file you have to have, and it will be the homepage of your site. If you already have a homepage, for example, you can rename it index.md. Optionally, index.mds inside each folder can add content to the folder's page.

Normally a file's title is just the file's filename, but Quartz will take the title property in the frontmatter of a file if it exists. Frontmatter in Obsidian is wrapped around ---s at the very start of the file, like

---
title: "Welcome to my paracosm!"
---

In fact, if you type three dashes at the start of the file, Obsidian now automatically adds a nice interface for you to edit frontmatter on.

It's helpful to give a title to every index.md.

Getting the code

Go to https://github.com/jackyzha0/quartz and click the "Use this template" button near the top-right. Click that, and then click "Create a new repository."

In the new page, name your repo something not horrendous. You have two choices here.

Name it [your username].github.io. This way, the URL of your website will be https://[your username].github.io.
Name it some other name. The website URL will be https://[your username].github.io/[repo name]. For example, my repo name is "tdyww" and my username is Tofutush, so my website is https://tofutush.github.io/tdyww.

Your choice. It can be changed later anyways, so it doesn't matter that much.

You can add a description if you want. Finally, keep the repo public, because Github Pages only allows you to make websites from public repos unless you have the paid tier for some reason. If you're really adamant about keeping the repo private, you can potentially use Neocities instead, but that's a whole 'nother tutorial.

Repo settings

Now you're in your own repo instead of jackyzha0's (to check, see if your username is on the top-left). Go to "settings" tab found at the top. Click the "Pages" tab on the left, and in the "Build and deployment" section select "Github Actions." This enables Github to make a website from your code.

(Look, a screenshot! Wow! Yours won't have the "your site is live at" right now though.)

Then, click the "Actions" tab, and then click "general" in the dropdown. Scroll to the bottom to the "Workflow permissions" section and click "Read and write permissions." This allows the script to automatically build the site.

Getting the code for real

It's time to clone the code. Cloning is just downloading a copy of the code to your own computer, but maintaining a connection between your offline copy and Github's online copy. You need this because Obsidian runs offline.

Click the "code" button near the top-right of the repository (make sure it's your copy, not the original jackyzha0's — the URL should have your username in it instead of jackyzha0). Click "open with Github Desktop" near the bottom. Github Desktop should open, and click "choose" to pick which folder the code is going into. You have to pick an empty folder. Later, we will be moving your Obsidian vault into this folder. And wait for the code to get downloaded!

Setting stuff up

Open the folder and find the file quartz.config.ts. Here are some things you need to change.

pageTitle: this is the title that will be displayed at the top of every page. Change it to your paracosm's name! (Or anything, really.) Make sure it's not super long.
pageTitleSuffix: this is a bit of text that will be added to the end of every browser tab title. Useful to also make it your paracosm's name, though remember to add a separator in front. For example, if you set it to " | tdyww" then the browser tab will be named "Characters | tdyww" if you do this.
locale: language of the website. en-US would probably be good for most of you; I had it set to zh-CN for example.
baseUrl: set this to your website's URL, but without the https:// or a slash at the end. Mine is tofutush.github.io/tdyww. Yours might either be [username].github.io or [username].github.io/[repo name], depending on how you named your repo.
I'll get into theme later.

After making these changes, there is the possibility of making a mistake. If you're in a code editor like VSCode, it can probably tell you when there's a mistake, but if not, you can paste it into an online validator like this. (Ignore the "Cannot find module" errors though, since they don't have them but we do.)

Also find the .github/workflows folder. Add a new file named deploy.yml and paste this code in.

name: Deploy Quartz site to GitHub Pages
 
on:
  push:
    branches:
      - v4
 
permissions:
  contents: read
  pages: write
  id-token: write
 
concurrency:
  group: "pages"
  cancel-in-progress: false
 
jobs:
  build:
    runs-on: ubuntu-22.04
    steps:
      - uses: actions/checkout@v4
        with:
          fetch-depth: 0 # Fetch all history for git info
      - uses: actions/setup-node@v4
        with:
          node-version: 22
      - name: Install Dependencies
        run: npm ci
      - name: Build Quartz
        run: npx quartz build
      - name: Upload artifact
        uses: actions/upload-pages-artifact@v3
        with:
          path: public
 
  deploy:
    needs: build
    environment:
      name: github-pages
      url: ${{ steps.deployment.outputs.page_url }}
    runs-on: ubuntu-latest
    steps:
      - name: Deploy to GitHub Pages
        id: deployment
        uses: actions/deploy-pages@v4

Don't change a thing here unless I tell you to.

Putting your vault in

Now it's time to move our Obsidian vault over. You have two choices here, since Quartz by default says you have to put your content inside the content folder.

Now let's find the content folder first. There should be a single .gitkeep file in there. Delete the entire folder because I say so.

Your two choices are:

I'll just use the content folder like expected.

Rename your vault to content and drag it into where the folder I made you delete used to be. After this is done, your folder structure should be: vault files inside content folder inside the repo folder. For example, say my vault used to be tdyww and there's a sparky.md inside the characters folder. So tdyww/characters/sparky.md. Now it will be my-repo-name/content/characters/sparky.md. Don't get this wrong, or, well, obviously stuff are gonna go wrong.

I don't want to rename my vault "content."

Me neither. In this case, just drag the vault over. So tdyww/characters/sparky.md turns into my-repo-name/tdyww/characters/sparky.md.

In this case, there's another setting you need to change. In the deploy.yml file, find the line that says run: npx quartz build. Add a d=folder-name to the end. Mine is run: npx quartz build d=tdyww.

If there's a space, add double quotes around the space, like d="td yww"

Try it!

Open Github Desktop again. There should be a shitton of stuff in the sidebar. These are files that had been changed. At the bottom part of the sidebar, type a message stating what you changed, and press "Commit to v4."

Committing is like a special save. It saves the files in the repo, and Git remembers that forever.

At the top, there's also a push button, probably saying "Push origin." This uploads your local files to Github. Push now.

You can commit multiple times and push them at once. Each push triggers our deploy script, and it will deploy a new version of the website.

Go back to github.com now. See how right above the files, there's your username and icon, along with the last commit message you wrote, and hopefully a brown dot there? A brown dot means our script is running. A bit later it would turn into a green checkmark. Then you can open your website and see what it looks like! If it's a red cross, then there's an error. Whoops.

If it's this particular error, Quartz's website explained how to get rid of it.

If you get an error about not being allowed to deploy to github-pages due to environment protection rules, make sure you remove any existing GitHub pages environments.

You can do this by going to your Settings page on your GitHub fork and going to the Environments tab and pressing the trash icon. The GitHub action will recreate the environment for you correctly the next time you sync your Quartz.

Updating the site

Just write in Obsidian as usual, and when you feel like you've written enough, go to Github Desktop, commit the files, and push! You may need to clear cache sometimes for changes to show up.

Customization

In quartz.config.ts, there's a theme part that gives you basic customization. For fonts, any Google Font works, just enter the name. You can also use a local font. For colors, secondary is the color of the links, and tertiary is the color when links are hovered over. The selection color is a semi-transparent version of tertiary. Highlight is the semi-transparent color behind each link. You can set it to complete transparent so no color shows behind links. Text highlight is the color of the highlight when you used Obsidian's highlight syntax ==content==.

Custom icon

Right now, the browser tab icon is just Quartz's default. Find the folder quartz/static, and see the icon.png inside. Replace that with whatever you want, commit, and push. You may need to clear cache for the new icon to show.

Hot, hot, hot!

2025-12-28T00:00:00Z

Or, my hate-hate relationship with spicy food.

My dad was from Hunan. If there's one thing you need to know about these people (or half of China for that matter), is that they're obsessed with their chilis. They can't eat food without them. And whenever you say something along the lines of, "you don't need chilis in literally every meal…" they start throwing scientific studies at you that prove spicy food is good for your skin or whatnot. A bunch of freaks.

And worse still, whenever someone (inside Shenzhen at least; outside, I'd say I'm from Shenzhen) asks me where I'm from, I'm obliged to say I'm from Hunan. Said someone would then inevitably get surprised that I don't eat spicy food. I grew up in Shenzhen alongside the sane people, okay? I eat normal food like fried cockroaches and Fujian people just like other Guangdong people?

Shenzhen, being The Migrant City after all, is no short of restaurants having a spicy dish or two on their menus. Whenever I want to order such a thing, I'd have to ask whether they can make it non-spicy. Usually the answer is yes. There was this time I went to a noodle place and most of their noodles are spicy. I asked the chef lady (it was a really small restaurant and the entire kitchen is basically visible behind the counter) whether it could be non-spicy. She answered "yes" with an expression that looked like "to open a restaurant in Guangdong you gotta compromise some principles." Like, I'm sorry, okay. Honestly I couldn't remember whether that place was a Lanzhou noodles place? It could've been. It was Halal and all. But I'm sure I've had non-spicy Lanzhou noodles that's not an abomination towards the cuisine. Or have I?? Maybe those non-spicy Lanzhou noodles I've had in Shenzhen already a compromise??

Sometimes we go back to Hunan for New Year. Sometimes we go to Hebei. The Hunan ones are the worst. These people just don't comprehend non-spicy food. They'd try to make some non-spicy dishes for me, but those always turn out spicy too because the pot itself had turned spicy after years of cooking. And they also like to poke their bright red, chili-ridden chopsticks into my non-spicy plate made for me — I know I sound like a spoiled brat now but, uh, I am one. Yeah.

It's the same with yuanyang hot pot. "Yuanyang hot pot" is like a hot pot with a separation down the middle, one side being spicy and the other side not. Towards the end both sides will be spicy because the spicy water from the other side will keep spilling into the non-spicy side; and people like poking their spicy chopsticks into the non-spicy side.

I usually end up just stuffing myself with rice and nothing else. If I were in the old house in the middle of nowhere, I'm cooked. But sometimes we go to some younger relatives' apartments in the city, and that's nice because I can actually go out to find other food. Not that I have a lot of options, as most stores are closed during New Year; except kebab stands ran by Uyghurs who don't celebrate. Imagine a street full of all sorts of stores and restaurants, all closed shut, except this one place still lit up. They are the fucking lifesavers. Although, I still had to ask for them to not put chili on them. If I had inflicted psychic damage on them, they didn't show it.

Because famously Xinjiang people also loved spicy food. During my trip there in the summer, our guide took us to this very local, very not-for-tourists place. I know because it's tucked into the top of a building so you won't find it unless you already know about it. A very good sign — in Guangdong the best restaurants are also tucked in the middle of a mountain. Also, only the receptionist could speak Mandarin.

I tried asking for the big plate chicken to be non-spicy. The waiter just stared at me dumbfoundedly with an expression that could either mean "this girl has gone bananas" or simply just "I don't understand." Probably the latter though. The thing was served spicy. Ah, fine.

Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor sucks

2025-12-29T00:00:00Z

I had avoided writing this blog for quite a while, because I thought I needed to focus my attention onto things that make me happy instead. Positivity instead of negativity, right? That's why I wrote the review on A Perfect Spy. My words were,

I'm only even writing this post to get my mind off of that terrible book written by a certain ZXR, which honestly I should do more of. Positivity instead of negativity!

But it had still stuck in my head, and I feel like it's a sign for me. To write this blog post. So here we go. Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor by Zhao Xiran.

Contents

Why I shouldn't be reviewing this book

It's a middle-grade book and I've grown way past that. It's not something I should be reading at this time and age. In addition, I went into this book fully intending to hate it — I was hate-reading from the very start. And it did not contradict my expectations.

So yes, this would be neither a professional nor a constructive review. I'm just blabbering about how much I hate the book. From memory, too, so inaccuracies may occur.

Why I'm reviewing it anyways

To put it very simply: I would be really, really sad if this is some anglophone kid's first introduction to Chinese culture.

And from the looks of some reviews regarding this book, it had done exactly that. And to no fewer than one Chinese kid too.

Granted, I'm born and raised in China so I've always took my culture for granted. I don't know the struggles of someone born distant from it and want to reconnect, and I won't pretend to. But that demographic isn't the book's only target audience; and it certainly doesn't stop me from pointing out all the things I hated about this book on my own blog.

And yeah, despite my saying this book is a terrible introduction to Chinese culture, I don't actually have recommendations on what could be a good introduction.

In essence, I'm just hoping that by finishing this blog post, I can get this book out of my mind. There will be spoilers.

The actual review

First off. The kids recite Li Bai's moonlight poem and says "it's a banger" at the end. I've never felt more cringe. No sane Chinese kid would say it's a banger. Seriously.

Cultural depiction

The author described "kūnpéng" as a creature that can change between a bird and a whale at will, but "kūnpéng" is not a real thing; it's a name mashup. Kūn is a fish, not whale (do people back then even know what whales are?), and péng is a bird. Kūn turned into a bird and never turned back into a fish, so I don't think it can. While I wouldn't have a problem if the author pulled out kūn and had the kids ride on it (provided they said "fish" instead of "whale"), I did have a problem of them constantly referring to it as a whale, and as "kūnpéng."

And Mazu is a goddess commonly worshipped in the southeastern part of China, notably in Fujian and Taiwan. A lot fewer people would worship her in the northern sea, where the main characters were when they prayed to her. I could've suspended my disbeliefs if the author made a note of that in the book, but they didn't, making it sound like Mazu is universally worshipped in China, like a goddess over all the oceans.

And while at first she was simply an ocean goddess, she had grown to be deified into a general goddess, and people would pray to her over everything, not just smooth sailing. I once actually saw an internet post of someone wanting to give her some milk tea, and repeatedly threw the cresent-moon shaped things (jiaobu, which is basically you ask Mazu a question and throw these things and determine the answer based on the positions they landed in) at every single detail, like the size of the cup, how much sugar, how much boba… and the comment section was full of people telling her Mazu was probably tired of her and just wanted a random cup to get it over with.

Those are the two inaccuracies that bugged me. And then there's the constantly comparing figures to pop culture, almost setting western culture as a frame-of-reference for Chinese culture. Maybe some kids would know these people, but I don't know what any of these people are save for Sherlock Holmes and I can tell you Di Renjie is like Sherlock the way James Bond is like Kim Philby. Uh, maybe that was a bad comparison I pulled out my ass but my point is, Di Renjie is vaguely a detective in popular depiction, and that concludes his similarity with Sherlock. And I suppose kids ten years into the future won't know what these pop culture figures are either.

Dead people… genius move, actually

One thing that bugged me a lot was how I feel like the author, despite being genuinely interested in Chinese culture and mythology, only has a surface understanding of these topics. Like they got it all from Wikipedia, and mashed everything they thought was cool together.

Like, I don't know why they chose two Tang Dynasty emperors to go with Qin Shi Huang, aside from that they like them. Why do they even fit, considering they lived nearly a thousand years apart?

And that brings us to the system of dead spirits that the author created. It was such an evil genius.

Basically, in the realm of dead people, the dead people just hang around each other all day and do whatever they like, like watch over living people or something. Qin Shi Huang was good friends with IIRC Napoleon, George Washington, that sort, and no doubt he would've met the two Tang Dynasty emperors, as they're all dead after all.

By having every dead person do basically whatever they want with other dead people, the author sets the stage for literally any sort of crossover. They don't have to bother with what attitudes the people from different eras would have towards each other, what differences in viewpoints and beliefs they have; because all these years spent playing together in the dead people realm had assimilated them into however the author wants them to act — however the author interprets them.

And this is genius. It opens up the world to so many possibilities. It puts the entire history of mankind at the author's disposal. And I hate it. Because with all the free will the author granted themselves, they made the emperors act like silly children.

And this is where I got the feeling that the author is merely writing RPF with their favorite historical figures. Well, actually, every historical novel is essentially RPF anyways, but this one really sent me. The author was latching onto not the actual figure and their experiences and conditions given the era they were from, but their idea of a character that they assigned to this figure. At one point, the interpretation turns into speculation and the character is removed far enough from the original figure that it becomes entirely the author's own creation, loosely inspired by this random real guy that happened to exist in history. If you didn't know about this guy beforehand, this book would plant in your head someone unrelated to him while making you connect that character to his name.

Another thing about this framework was that, according to the characters in the book, popular depictions of historical events and figures could shape the spirits towards that belief. Like Wu Zetian thinking she might've had really killed her own daughter or something, despite a lack of real historical evidence proving it happened. This means that Zhu Yuanzhang may actually have a mango head, and George Washington may have actually cut down that cherry tree. This gives even more leeway in the author's depiction of these figures, as they can also reference popular, though false, versions of beliefs. Really, it's a perfect stage for RPF.

Minority representation

Melissa the Miao girl. Upon her first introduction, she was described as having silver all over her. Silver bracelets, silver necklaces, silver Iron Man suit and whatnot. At first I just took it as a character trait, you know, fashionable or something. And then it's revealed that she's Miao. And then I have a problem. Why would you make a Miao character and have a huge part of her appearance be silver? I actually don't have enough depictions of Miao characters in media to really say it, but I'm still gonna say it, it feels stereotypical. I know silver is a huge part of Miao culture, but I assure you people don't go outside every day with a bunch of silver directly on them. Especially considering Miao is literally the ethnic group with the most variation and diversity in clothing and you're still latching on the silver.

The author also made it a pretty big deal that Melissa told him she wasn't Han, but like at that point he had only talked to 2 people, so what did he expect?

Middle-grade stuff

Zack and his friends just walked into the museum, took the measuring thingy right out its case, and laid his bare hands on them. And framed two hapless motorbike guys for it. Well actually they hacked into the museum, which was how they got in, but did they disable the security cameras too? Can't remember honestly. And towards the end, they just… walked into Qin Shi Huang's grave. This is so easy girl.

Well, for any other middle-grade book I would've suspended my disbeliefs — they did encounter plenty of troubles both near the museum and inside the grave — but for this one in particular, it spent nearly the entire book fearmongering about how tyrannical the Chinese government is. Yet no law enforcement was at the literal grave of Qin Shi Huang preventing them from going in? This is a common pattern in bad writing; you see it in Hazbin Hotel's Alastor too, that authors would tell you something is powerful and whatnot, and never show you that so you're just supposed to trust them in a way that makes Vox happy. And well, I'm not trusting here.

Also when Zack first met Simon at school, he was weary of him because he might be a Mainlander, and might therefore not be against the government — oh, how it brings terror for Zack! He needs to conduct a purity test for Simon to make sure he's not one of those bad Chinese people! Granted, this was towards the start of the book, so it could very well be pre-character-development Zack talking, but since this topic was not brought up again and per the author's style, it's hard not to think that was a bit of the author's personal opinion too. Very ironic how the author likes to emphasize that Chinese culture isn't a monolith, yet turns around to generalize mainlanders.

The big thing

Did Zack actually connect to his heritage?

It's supposed to be a character arc for him. But what does it entail? Reading Wikipedia? His powers literally got stronger in real time as he read Wikipedia. His powers are directly connected to how much he knows about Chinese culture. But what can Wikipedia really tell you? Sure, Wikipedia is informative. But anyone can read it. There are western scholars who know more about Chinese culture than I do — does that make them more Chinese than I?

Other sources of information include Melissa and Simon, who tell him stories. But these stories can easily be read on Wikipedia too. And lastly, touching stuff important to Qin Shi Huang, like that measuring thing from the museum, also strengthens his connection and grows his power. But all of these things could've been done in the US. Even touching the museum stuff, I'm sure there are plenty of artifacts, stolen or otherwise, in US museums and there's gotta be at least one that has some connection to Qin Shi Huang, right?

There was no point in setting the book in China if Zack never talks to other Chinese people, save for Melissa and Simon, and that businessman guy at the end; but of all these three people, he still interacts with the spirits possessing them more. Of course, he doesn't speak Chinese, but c'mon he has these high-tech glasses, why can't the glasses do translation? He could've talked to historians specializing in Qin Dynasty history, for example; or craftsmen, chefs, old people doing taiji in the park, old people doing calligraphy on the ground with water, old people picking cicada shells from trees, anyone. Chinese culture isn't just a bunch of often genocidal emperors, empresses, and deities that may or may not exist and the stuff they may or may not have done. It lies with the people, in the gracious hosts jumping to refill your cup, in the patrons fighting over the bill, in the batch of peasants struggling to make the coffin spin, in the shitton of the stupidest puns. Yet he spends the whole book interacting with mythological beings and dead spirits, but never talking to real, living people. His "connection" was just memorizing facts, it seems, rather than understanding.

Finally, the henchwoman was literally named Dumbbell. This is certainly a choice. Even criminal aliases couldn't be fucking Dumbbell now could it.

Wow, two thousand words. Another time I broke the thousand mark was when complaining about my dormmate. Negativity demon, or negativity muse huh?

I've still yet to decide whether to embrace negativity or reject it. Basically I'm asking, if something's bugging my mind, do I write about it here and let it out? Or do I write about something happier to distract myself? I mean, I did try that in the first place but it failed to distract me. Well. That would be something to ponder.

Did I like it? No.
Would I read it again? No.
Would I grab a random stranger off the street and make them read it? No.
If someone wants to read it, would I throw myself in like a human shield to protect them from harm? Yes.

2025 Recap

2025-12-31T00:00:00Z

I used to dislike recaps, thinking that I won't have anything to write about (the same justification I had for not starting a blog, actually). But now that I think about it, its a good way to see how far you've come. So 2025 recap it is.

Contents

Milestones

I became eligible for the death penalty.

18th birthday was quite a disaster. I remember crying on the ride home. Later, though, my parents did apologize for making my birthday about bugging my brother, and offered to make-up by doing something, which I assume they did but I forgot what it was. Bad memories do tend to stick better than nice ones.

I would've been old enough to drink, too; if only I hadn't almost immediately went to the US where I'm not. Not that I want to drink, but still.

I went to college.

This is the big one! I went to live on the opposite side of the globe and survived. I finished the first semester of college pretty okay, I guess? It worried me that my least 2 favorite classes were both classes that relate directly to the content of my major. But well.

I also made a nonzero number of friends in college, something I never thought I'd actually manage to do! It's entirely because a friendly girl pulled a bunch of people together who would otherwise never talk to each other. I also celebrated Christmas with said girl's family and they were a lovely bunch.

3 websites reached 1 year old.

TIR, this blog, and OC Webring.

I added a lot of stuff to all three. The house of cards grew taller. Although, I did feel like I wasn't actually improving my webdev skills much.

TIR: Many things!
OC-Webring: This one hasn't received care in a long while, but on 2025-12-26 I maniacally added pagination and tag browsing, as well as switched from Liquid to Vento.
Blog: I added tags to it. That's basically it.
Chinese site: I started a Notion site at first, got tired of it, and made another using Obsidian + Quartz instead.

Stuff I did

Went to Xinjiang!
Ditched my 2-year Duolingo French streak for agonizingly self-studying Uyghurche (ياخشىمۇسىز مېنىڭ دوستۇم!).
Finished The Little Drummer Girl, A Perfect Spy, and The Progress of Things — at least, as far as TPoT's been completed.
Second year of Artfight. Got a little burnt-out near the end, but overall had a great time. Can't wait for next year's!
Made my first PMV!
Opened a bank account and credit card, with much ordeal.

Stuff I want to do

Get a driver's license. It's going to be a tad convoluted. I'd have to open a proof of SSN ineligibility, and then go get a learner's permit, and only afterwards can I try the actual driver's test. It would only be doable next summer, I'm afraid. But I'm going to change dorm rooms next summer (though it's still in the same building; plus the dorms are closed anyways), and I don't really know how to deal with the address stuff either. But we'll see when we get there!
- Probably not even next summer LOL but we'll get there
Keep up with schoolwork!
Continue paracosming!
Plan out Family of Secrets better!
Finish the art assets for Blackjack with Sky!
Definitely not a 2026 goal, but finish John le Carré's books and write a guide to them!
Be happy!

Is Tofu v.2025 different from Tofu v.2024?

I can't say. I still feel the same, really. I'd even go as far as to say I'm more confused by uncertainties and less firm in my beliefs. But that's a good sign, isn't it? It's a sign that I'm growing.

Last year, I celebrated New Year sleeping on the couch in the commie-block. This year, I'm 13 hours behind but would probably do so in a similar fashion, just in an actual bed instead.

Conclusion

This is vastly based off memory, so I may have missed a lot of stuff. But that's a start! Maybe in the future, I can even discipline myself into making monthly recaps. Here's to many more years to come!

Blue Prince is a great game

2026-01-05T00:00:00Z

(Slight spoilers for Blue Prince ahead! I'm trying out some spoiler code though so hopefully you'll see blacked out text.)

A friend recommended me the game Blue Prince during the summer, and of course I had to try it. After like 10 minutes in, I was horrified. Like what the fuck.

Next time I met the friend, I simply said, "this game, this game," over and over while shaking my head.

I never got past rank 5. Most of the time, I have enough steps left, but I just couldn't draft any more rooms because all of them are dead ends, so I had to call it a day. I also, in my 9-day run, never drew any of the key rooms you need to open the Antechamber, like the Foundation, or the Greenhouse, or the Secret Garden — never even found a Secret Garden Key, or the Garage, or the Great Hall. Maybe I was too limited by never progressing past rank 5, or maybe I drew them but didn't draft them, who knows, I can't remember. I also found 0 safes and all. Basically all I did was walk around aimlessly until everything was a dead end and called it a day.

I was, however, not completely stupid. I guessed every Billiard Room dart puzzle color's meaning as soon as they appeared, and I was never wrong on any Parlor box puzzle. I also found the Planetarium floorplan first time I went into the Observatory. But still, none of it led to any progress, and I eventually gave up.

That was over the summer. A while ago I suddenly remembered this game existed, and went back to it, before giving up again real quick. Then I went to watch Youtube playthrough videos because I sure as hell ain't finishing it myself!

Tons of really smart and potentially jobless people on there spending hundreds of hours cracking every single secret the game has to offer — and I'm hooked. Reaching Room 46 was just a tutorial. There are tons of stuff in this game that unlocks only afterwards. I watched a bunch of videos, some of them more than once, and this game never failed to impress me with how much you can do in there — if only drafting wasn't random and I'm not limited by steps and keys!

Then I suddenly remembered modding exists. I could… literally just mod the game into giving me unlimited resources.

So I found 3 mods, one that sets my steps, keys, gems, dice, and coins all to 9999 at the start of the day, one that gives me a shitton of items at the Entrance Hall, and one that sets my luck to somewhere like 999. It was nearly midnight but still I immediately sat down to finally journey into Room 46.

And… it did not go well. I mixed up some steps. I spent 2 hours filling up every single room in the house, got the Full House trophy, and got ready to go into the Basement, but I couldn't. I had drafted a Tomb and drained the fountain, but these two things were alternatives to each other; they accomplished the same goal. To actually complete my objective, I still needed to get to the Basement, which requires either the Foundation or the Workshop to craft a Power Hammer, and… since my house was already full, I could not draft new rooms.

Come to think of it, if I filled back the Fountain, drained the Reservoir by 1, and entered the reservoir through the Tomb, would that have worked? Basically the key here is you need to access both sides of the Underground, yet I only accessed one side. I think I might've tried that, actually, but IDK. It was 2 A.M. and I was tired and frustrated that even with all the mods I still couldn't get to Room 46.

Funny thing about that run was, I had an experiment that went like, "the next three times you open a chest, add 3 Aquariums to the draft pool." I ended up having a shitton of Aquariums in my house.

The next day (today), I sat down, not at midnight thankfully, to get to Room 46 again. I drafted the Foundation, opened the Antechamber in the Great Hall — which is my favorite now since all you need to do is draft it with my 9999 dice and open all the doors, got to the Inner Sanctum, and reached Room 46! Long live modding!

Does modding take away the fun in a game? It happened before with Soul Knight for me, but quite the opposite this time, unlimited^[1] resources took away the frustration and allowed me to focus entirely on the puzzles and hidden secrets. And it doesn't even guarantee success, as evident in my midnight playthrough!

Anyways, I've basically watched through all the gameplay on Youtube LOL, so I know what to do next. Neither does being spoiled take away the fun in this game. It's still vastly different experiencing it through someone else's video than to actually be in the game yourself.

I've found out that I don't really like playing video games at all. Every time I don't get what I want, I get frustrated.^[2] I rage-quit Reverse 1999 for the same reason. The games I do like, like Henry Stickmin, was largely plot-focused, and basically only required clicking everywhere, and I still had to look at wikis to get all achievements. But well, I mean, games are supposed to be fun. If I don't get fun out of them, why am I still wasting my time then?

Did I like it? Yes.
Would I play it again? If by "again" you mean completing it 100% and then going for a rerun, probably not.
Would I grab a random stranger off the street and make them play it? With mods, yes.
If someone wants to play it, would I throw myself in like a human shield to protect them from harm? No, but I'd recommend them mods.

It's not even unlimited — it just sets them all to 9999. Entering the Weight Room still reduces it to half, and the Ballroom set my gem count to 2. ↩︎
What can I say, I'm just really spoiled. ↩︎

Self inserts?

2026-01-17T00:00:00Z

I've often seen this trope online about "self-insert Mary Sues." Basically the idea is that everyone had a self-insert OC who is a huge Mary Sue. And while it's entertaining, I did not have that sort of thing at all. My self-inserts were all punching bags.

Well, I could only think of two self-inserts that I had. The self-insert of the previous paracosm I had back in middle school which I will dub Previous Paracosm, and Qibli from TIR. (I've also randomly decided to italicize every media title mention because I'm not using these pretty Markdown features enough.)

These two self-inserts were essentially the same. Previous Paracosm self-insert was always the one to get hurt in absurd situations. For example, the characters would jump down from a trapdoor in the ceiling, and everyone else would stick the landing but only my self-insert would land flat on her face. And maybe Lightningtail would throw something with her tail, and it would hit my self-insert's stomach.

For Qibli I've made her way more badass and Mary-Sue-y than she started out, but hey, give me a chance at self-indulgence too! But in the beginning, she was literally just Previous Paracosm self-insert ported over. She had magic, sure, but having magic isn't really some envied thing in Bauhinia. And she was the punching bag, the certified chicken, the first one to pee her pants after being dragged into shenanigans by Sparky.

A lot of points where Qibli had actual agency was conceived of a lot later, when I had admittedly gotten a little tired of Sparky. Like in Sparky Turns Into a Dragon, it was Qibli who orchestrated the whole fiasco. And that was a pretty recent story (despite being so early in the plot).

Even when I made Qibli a murder, arms-dealer, and outlaw, her ultimate fate still ended up being strapped to a machine, spending the rest of her life being drained of her blood over and over, with her only mental refuge being Tadlet Kingdom.

(This scene is now outdated, as I decided Sunflower would not continue to exist after all. Sure love it when I void my own artwork!)

So yeah, this is just a funny thing I observed. I mean, I certainly don't have a lack of Mary Sues. Kismet is definitely one, but Sparky the protagonist, and Lightningtail the protagonist of Previous Paracosm, both pretty much count. They're both parames too; I experience the paracosm through their eyes a lot. I just never put the roles of "the Mary Sue through whose eyes I experience the world" and "my self-insert" into the same character. There were other examples of this too, like I had a Wings of Fire OC who was a NightWing, SeaWing, and RainWing hybrid whose scales were lava-lamp-looking, glowing white bubbles against a black background, that I never figured out how to actually draw. She assassinated all the characters I didn't like. Definitely a wish-fulfillment Mary Sue, but I never thought of her as a self-insert. Also I forgot her name. The My Little Pony version of Lightningtail was like that too; still not a self-insert.

My self-insert's role was always the punching bag, getting tortured for laughs. Gee, I wonder what that says about me? I like getting hurt?? If it's getting hit by a campus bus non-lethally then I'm all for it. Or maybe I saw Hergé's statement of "women slipping on a banana peel just isn't as funny as men slipping on a banana peel" and took it personally. Analyzing the meta of my paracosm(s) sure is a quick way to get an identity crisis.

Burypink's questionnaire

2026-01-20T00:00:00Z

Burypink's questionnaire because I'm so bored.

time and date u started this?

2026-01-20 21:39.

asl?

American Sign Language?

opinions on musicals?

I like them! There are many that I've still yet to watch though.

favorite snack?

Chocolate.

have u ever been in love?

Nope.

favorite pokemon?

IDK…

mario kart main?

Can you ask about something I know…

tf2 main?

So glad you asked, my favorite pony among the Mane 6 is Rainbow Dash because she's rainbow and cool!

do you laugh at youtube poops?

No. I've only watched one though so maybe that one was just bad.

are you listening to music right now?

Yes. Egbert's Kitchen which is just a remix of Under the Hat, more famously appearing in TROLLCOPS. Homestuck discography is weird. I'm pretty sure there's a giant graph of song references.

favorite shape?

Seven-point star.

do you believe in astrology?

Nope.

do you believe in the occult?

Nope.

opinions on vocaloid?

I'm okay with listening to it, though I prefer a human cover almost every time if one exists.

would you ever want to be a rockstar?

No.

do you easily get stressed?

Yeah, I guess.

what is/was your favorite class in high school?

Calculus.

what pokemon type would you be? dual types are allowed lol

IDK.

rei or asuka?

Who?

favorite html tag?

<legend>.

are you religious?

No.

opinions on nightcore?

IDK what that is. Wow am I too young or too old for many of these questions??

did you go through any major phase? (emo, goth, weeaboo, etc)

I don't think so…

are you good at drawing?

I'm fairly okay at it!

do you crack your joints?

All the time LOL.

do you read visual novels?

Sometimes. A lot of visual novels are more romance-oriented which I don't like, but if one has an interesting story I'd stick around.

can you sew?

If sticking a needle in and out counts, then yes. Also I can cross-stitch.

can you cook?

I can make one thing one way. If you give me a differently-shaped pot I wouldn't know how much oil to put in.

most expensive thing you've bought?

College.

opinions on cosplay?

I don't see their appeal.

what's your most hated band/musician?

I don't think I have one.

are you a dramatic person?

Maybe, IDK.

what emoticon do you use most?

😭

can a miracle certainly occur?

Depends on how you define a miracle. Miracles are many factors combining together neatly. If it's purely magical, like "the patient suddenly just got better!" then no, despite being something I may want to see happen.

would you let a vampire suck ur blood?

Uh, no.

do you have a celebrity crush?

No.

do you like snow?

I don't see snow a lot, so I'm always excited for it!

were you really into greek mythology as a kid?

No.

what are some things you could competently deliver a speech on?

Why electric vehicles suck. Only because my dad hates them vehemently and gave me this speech while driving once LOL so I'm just repeating what he said. He has a lot of good reasoning.

are you good at spelling?

I can't live without a spellchecker.

which touhou wud u fuk?

Uh, first of all I don't know any of them; second of all, no I would not.

do you think there's going to be a robot takeover?

No.

HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR??!?!??!?!

Not far enough.

would you be an angel or devil?

IDK. I think whichever option I pick I'd end up the other.

sine, cosine, or tangent?

Tangent. It's usually the one with no square roots.

do you like licorice?

I had to google that. I still don't know what it is.

whats one thing you cant stand that everyone else loves?

Not off the top of my head.

what books did you like as a kid?

Captain Underpants! Warrior Cats!

can you play any instruments?

I used to play the pipa. Haven't touched it in years though.

what song would you want to play at your wedding?

No I will not have a wedding.

do you believe in reincarnation?

No.

finish the sentence: I'm just a ~~guy~~ girl who ______

sucks.

have you been to another continent?

Yes. I'm on the other one right now.

whats your worst habit?

Sleeping late, scrolling in bed.

favorite vegetable?

Lettuce! My mom cooks it with oyster sauce. I need to learn that for myself.

whats something stupid that scared the shit outta you as a kid?

Elevators, I guess? It still scares me though.

whats one of your guilty pleasures?

Going into a tag on Tumblr to block everyone inside.

would you rather be a ghost or a vampire?

If the giant castles are guaranteed as a vampire then that; otherwise ghost.

what do you fear most?

Uncertainty.

do you sleep with any plushies?

Yes. When packing, there wasn't enough space left so I had to make a choice between a pillow or my IKEA husky dog. I spent the first week of college with no pillow.

what hobby do you just not understand?

Can't think of any.

do you like the taste of alcohol?

Nope!

are you a hopeless romantic?

No.

which deadly sin best fits you?

Sloth.

which of your physical features do you like the most?

My gravitational acceleration which I will set to 10 N/kg.

are your ears pierced?

No.

have you ever been in a physical fight?

I don't recall.

where do you buy your clothes?

Imma be honest with you my mom bought all the clothes I have right now and I didn't need any more.

where would you live if you could live anywhere?

Xinjiang.

do believe in magic? or is it all a trick?

No.

have you read umineko when they cry? you should!

I'll check it out!

what is the worst chore to do?

Any one of them.

what did your parents almost name you?

Same pronunciation, but a different character. They named me before I was born and got used to pronunciation, but after I was born their friend said (erroneously) that I lacked fire, so they found a new character with the same pronunciation but with a fire in it.

what would you want your name to be if you were not your current gender?

I wouldn't change it. Both my Chinese and English names lean masculine; gender-neutral at most.

what were your first words?

(According to my dad) Wawawawawawawa.

what do you want your last words to be?

"The money is in the…"

Alternatively I could just raise two fingers there until one of my younger relatives (since I have no human kids) shuts off one of the lights (this reference would probably be so obscure to anglophones LOL).

when did you first regularly start going online?

In fifth grade, I think. That was when I got Tiktok (or Douyin if you're insistent on using different names. I don't think the international version was released back then?). Yeah bad times. But coincidentally it was what got me into websites in the first place! Like seriously! I saw some videos that was just someone's computer screen opening up notepad, typing in a bunch of cryptic stuff (literally just HTML and JS) which was too sped-up to copy (and half cut-off at the edge of the screen), to make silly little interactions like "do you love me?" and the "no" button turns into "yes" when you hover it. I was fascinated by that and wanted to learn to make stuff like that myself.

Tiktok is still hell though; stay away.

what year do you miss the most?

2019 probably. Middle school.

are you psychic?

No.

would you fuck a clone of yourself? you're not allowed to kill yourself.

No.

what do you use to listen to music?

Foobar2000.

whats the biggest city you've been to?

According to Wikipedia list of largest cities by population, Shanghai. I hate this fact. Guangzhou is literally just one place behind! Shanghai can go to hell.

favorite animal?

Kitty!

what web browser do you use?

Ugh, Chrome.

are you allergic to kitty cats???????????

Luckily no.

do you like energy drinks?

No.

would ever spend money on tf2 unusuals/csgo skins/gacha pulls/etc

No.

when do you usually go to bed?

Like 1-2 AM don't be like me.

how often do you wash your hair?

Like once or twice a week? Is that good or bad IDK.

would you download a car?

Totally.

what was your favorite show as a kid?

My Little Pony.

whats the silliest hat you own?

A Yankee baseball cap because that's the only one.

what album/song do you're feeling angsty

IDK, it's always on random.

do you make OCs?

YES!

whats the goofiest thing you do when completely alone?

Jump around and say whatever the OC in my head is saying out loud.

do you like fireworks?

No.

favorite painter?

He sadly switched careers later…

For a serious answer, probably Louis Wain.

favorite numbers?

R1999 fans can agree on this one it's 37, 6, 210, and root 2.

what genre of vidya gaems are you really good at? (fps, fightan, danmaku, racing, whatever.

None! I'm bad at all of them.

time and date you finished this?

2026-01-20 22:22.

OC Creator Questionnaire!

2026-01-21T00:00:00Z

Here's a questionnaire I made for people who make OCs! Note that this is for you, not any individual OC you have.

1. A little self-introduction!



2. How long have you been making OCs?



3. Who was your first OC ever? (If you don't remember, answer for the earliest that you do remember.) Are they still in use? Did they go through any iterations?



4. Who is your favorite OC, currently?



5. Who is your newest OC as of right now?



6. How many OCs do you have? If you have multiple, then do you have blatant favoritism?



7. Do you create OCs with other people, or is it mostly solitary?



8. Do you create your OCs for specific story(s)? What are the genre and common themes featured in your story(s)?



9. Are your OCs from a fandom?



10. Do your OCs live in their own universe(s)? How different is their world from ours? (If you have fandom OCs you can still answer this with the world of the franchise!)



11. If you got isekai'ed into your OCs' universe (if there are multiple, pick some of the most notable), how long would you survive?



12. Do most your OCs belong to a (set of) species?



13. Do you draw pictures of your OCs? If so, what kind of pictures do you draw?



14. Do you enjoy drawing new reference sheets?



15. Do you write about your OCs? If so, what sort of text do you write?



16. Aside from drawing and writing, is there anything else you're doing for your OCs? Like… making a website, perhaps?



17. What's your general process in making new OCs?



18. Relatedly, which comes first for you, the OC or the story setting?



19. Relatedly, how do you name your OCs?



20. Relatedly, do your OCs gain a life of their own during the creation process?



21. Relatedly, do you focus more on the design of the OC, or their personality? Or is it an even blend, or something else?



22. Do you assign your OCs birthdays? Is their calendar different from ours?



23. Do you keep track of OC creation dates? Do you consider the creation date to be their birthdays?



24. How do you handle OC ages? Do they age up with you, stay static, or grow within the universe?



25. Are there any rules you set for yourself when making OCs? How often do you break these self-imposed rules?



26. What are things you enjoy the most in OCs?



27. Conversely, what are your pet peeves about OCs?



28. What's the most common trope you fall into when making OCs and their stories? Do you even like these tropes?



29. Conversely, do you have any trope you like but doesn't get to use it much in your OCs?



30. Tell me the weirdest and wackiest piece of out-of-context OC lore you have.



31. Tell me the saddest and most tearjerking piece of OC lore you have, with context if needed.



32. Tell me the scariest and freakiest piece of OC lore you have, with context if needed.



33. Tell me the sweetest and most wholesome piece of OC lore you have, with context if needed.



34. Tell me one meta thing about your OC lore. Like scrapped / revamped stuff?



35. How do you think your OCs think of you? Are you their parent, their creation god, their suffering-bringer…



36. How much TRAUMA do you give your OCs!!



37. Do you have a Mary Sue? Bonus points if they're your self-insert!



38. Do you have a self-insert then? What role(s) do they play?



39. What are your biggest influences when it comes to OC or worldbuilding? Could be media, other people's OCs, anything.



40. Are you happy with these influences, or would you like to break away more?



41. Do you try to break out of your comfort zone when coming up with new OCs and stories?



42. How do you organize / categorize your OCs, if at all?



43. Do you have any advice you would like to give to new OC creators?



44. What are some boundaries you think people should have regarding other people's OCs (or things to take notice of if you create together)?



45. How often do you think about your OCs, expressed as a percentage of your waking time?



46. What impacts do you think your OCs had on your life?



47. Do you want to become POPULAR? If you are already popular, what's the secret ingredient?? :eyes: :eyes:



48. Are there any songs you think describe an OC or a story perfectly?



49. Might you have a paracosm? Look it up!



50. Finally, do you still recognize the word "OC" after seeing it so much?

OC Questionnaire

2026-01-23T00:00:00Z

Answering… my own questionnaire!

A little self-introduction!

Tofutush here.

How long have you been making OCs?

Since 4th grade when I made silly comics with my desk-mate!

Who was your first OC ever? (If you don't remember, answer for the earliest that you do remember.) Are they still in use? Did they go through any iterations?

Lightningtail. I think she's started as a Warrior Cats OC? I mean the name checks. And then she's featured in Previous Paracosm. She had a lot of forms, cat Lightningtail, pony Lightningtail, and dragon Lightningtail for a Wings of Fire fanon species called ShockWings, and of course, the Homestuck troll version, Sparky.

I recently pulled the Previous Paracosm version of her (only this version does she have a brother called Jaywing) back out as a tadlet for Tadlet Kingdom Adventures.

Who is your favorite OC, currently?

Heh, might just be Harmony!

Who is your newest OC as of right now?

The newest character added to the site is Cherry, but she was created a while ago. Same goes for Sundew. The newest human created is Rose. But I've been making a ton of tadlet characters recently. The newest of that is probably Snowball, though you're not gonna see her any time soon!

How many OCs do you have? If you have multiple, then do you have blatant favoritism?

90 "official" humans (that is, not counting the new tadlets). And of course, how could I not have blatant favoritism?

Do you create OCs with other people, or is it mostly solitary?

It's mostly solitary. If I didn't create most aspects of a character myself, I won't feel connected. The same reason why I never buy adopts.

Although, I crave feedback and advice sometimes when I'm stuck, but if I don't end up taking others' suggestions I'd feel really bad, yknow… This is why I yap to ChatGPT a lot, because I don't feel bad when I don't like its feedback. Which is most of the time because it's really stupid, but sometimes I get bursts of inspiration while typing prompts out. I think it's really the process of putting things down in words that give you more words to put down!

Do you create your OCs for specific story(s)? What are the genre and common themes featured in your story(s)?

Yes. Espionage! Used to be mysteries too, before I found my love for espionage.

A theme I had noticed popping up is learning to let go. If I had a penny every time I think about a story's central theme and concluded it's about letting go I'd have two pennies, which isn't much but it's weird it happened two times. Is that a reflection of the deepest pits of my psyche? Place your bets!

Are your OCs from a fandom?

I used to have a lot of them, mostly Warrior Cats and Wings of Fire, and of course, TIR started as a Homestuck fanventure. But now all of them are inside TIR.

Do your OCs live in their own universe(s)? How different is their world from ours? (If you have fandom OCs you can still answer this with the world of the franchise!)

Yes! Their day-to-day life is mostly similar to ours, but with a bit of magic sprinkled in; I recently learned it's called "magical realism." And they live in a cold war world.

If you got isekai'ed into your OCs' universe (if there are multiple, pick some of the most notable), how long would you survive?

If I isekai'ed onto someone with parents that are just like mine, I think I can handle it.

Do most your OCs belong to a (set of) species?

Yes. I call them humans but they have 3 races, unicorn, bicorn, and aurian, for whether they have horns or ears on their heads (and how many horns).

Do you draw pictures of your OCs? If so, what kind of pictures do you draw?

Yes! Random doodles all the time, digital and more intentional pieces go on the website. Would you be surprised if I say the character I doodle the most is actually Alaska?

Do you enjoy drawing new reference sheets?

Hell no, I don't even enjoy drawing the first old refsheet.

Do you write about your OCs? If so, what sort of text do you write?

Yes, just lore dumps LOL, sometimes I start a chapter or two of actual fiction prose. But I'm also trying to write a kinetic novel right now but I won't yap about it too much in case I get too cringe looking back later when I eventually give up.

Aside from drawing and writing, is there anything else you're doing for your OCs? Like… making a website, perhaps?

Haha.

What's your general process in making new OCs?

Most of the time, the empty hole in need of a character is already there. Like "Sparky's parents," or "Candlelight's sister." I just go fill in the details. A bad side-effect of this is that characters are too defined by their relations to each other rather than standing on their own, which is something I'm working on.

Relatedly, which comes first for you, the OC or the story setting?

Story setting. It creates OC-shaped holes for me to fill.

Relatedly, how do you name your OCs?

I name them after concepts, like (glances around the room) "Napkin" or "Chair" are both valid names though I would probably never name anyone that. And I usually avoid real-life names like "Alice" and "Bob."

Relatedly, do your OCs gain a life of their own during the creation process?

Not really? I wouldn't know what that feels like.

Relatedly, do you focus more on the design of the OC, or their personality? Or is it an even blend, or something else?

How about an even blend of… neither! Their designs are mostly just a hairstyle with gray clothes, and their personalities don't go deeper than a vibe LOL. They're still just too defined by their relationships to each other (not that the relationship has a dynamic either! It's just "mom," "dad," or "friend") and their role in the story. I'm just a bad writer leave me alone.

Do you assign your OCs birthdays? Is their calendar different from ours?

Yes, and no because I'm not smart enough for a separate calendar. If they use the same calendar, looking up and calculating dates is also easier.

Do you keep track of OC creation dates? Do you consider the creation date to be their birthdays?

No, although newer characters do have an "added to site" date if I flip through the changelog. I don't intentionally track it though.

How do you handle OC ages? Do they age up with you, stay static, or grow within the universe?

Grow within the universe. My oldest OC is born 1960 and the youngest in 2041 LOL. There isn't a "present" in the universe; the present depends on the story we're talking about.

Are there any rules you set for yourself when making OCs? How often do you break these self-imposed rules?

Name them after concepts; give them unique soul colors; and never name two OCs the same name. I had broken all three. I have a girl called Natasha; Animus and Tomato have the same soul color; and Snowball is both one of Sunflower's tadlets and a girl who lives with the Appaloosa tribe. The last rule is born out of necessity because the website structure does not allow for two characters of the same name LOL, but since Sunflower's tadlets aren't logged into the same place as humans it's fine.

What are things you enjoy the most in OCs?

Badass trench coats!!!

Conversely, what are your pet peeves about OCs?

Escaped lab experiments is my singular pet peeve. (The case where the experiment created the character, or they experimented on a character and then they escaped, you get the point.)

What's the most common trope you fall into when making OCs and their stories? Do you even like these tropes?

Probably fridging female characters, especially with Peacock's 3 dead wives that I retconned. I hate this.

Conversely, do you have any trope you like but doesn't get to use it much in your OCs?

Most smartass espionage stuff I suppose.

Tell me the weirdest and wackiest piece of out-of-context OC lore you have.

Qibli created magic zombie, disappointed that it's not actually alive.

Tell me the saddest and most tearjerking piece of OC lore you have, with context if needed.

When Pearl got to meet her family but they immediately got gunned down.

Tell me the scariest and freakiest piece of OC lore you have, with context if needed.

Peacock tricks his parents into committing cannibalism.

Tell me the sweetest and most wholesome piece of OC lore you have, with context if needed.

Sparky's friendship with Qibli, Sky, and Firecrackers, I suppose.

Tell me one meta thing about your OC lore. Like scrapped / revamped stuff?

Hillslope mysteries got scrapped, LOL.

How do you think your OCs think of you? Are you their parent, their creation god, their suffering-bringer…

Their SUFFER BRINGER!

How much TRAUMA do you give your OCs!!

Yes.

Do you have a Mary Sue? Bonus points if they're your self-insert!

Kismet. Not my self-insert unfortunately.

Do you have a self-insert then? What role(s) do they play?

Yeeaaah. She's the punching bag.

What are your biggest influences when it comes to OC or worldbuilding? Could be media, other people's OCs, anything.

Homestuck… And My Little Pony.

Are you happy with these influences, or would you like to break away more?

My Little Pony is nice. Homestuck…

Do you try to break out of your comfort zone when coming up with new OCs and stories?

I think? I mean I burn my head off thinking of stories a lot, eh. I could definitely stand to make the characters more alive, yknow? Like I'm always trying to think of the most logical courses of action, but isn't making mistakes and being emotional more realistic for humans?

When a story aspect makes me too uncomfortable, though, I scrap it without fail.

How do you organize / categorize your OCs, if at all?

I tag them, and roughly sort them in some order. Mostly because I can't categorize them. Should Pumpkin be MSS or Nameless Village? Should Halcyon be MSS or Moreland? Tags don't have this problem.

Do you have any advice you would like to give to new OC creators?

Write stuff down! Even if it's messy, incoherent, and full of shorthand. Because you will forget it tomorrow.

What are some boundaries you think people should have regarding other people's OCs (or things to take notice of if you create together)?

I think just don't get super weird or possessive is fine! It kind of weirds me out if people find a piece of lore and then act like they discovered something huge. I mean, if you need a confirmation, you can just ask normally.

How often do you think about your OCs, expressed as a percentage of your waking time?

Used to be more, now perhaps 30-40%.

What impacts do you think your OCs had on your life?

Got me into webdev, and just generally I can't imagine a life without creating is like.

Do you want to become POPULAR? If you are already popular, what's the secret ingredient?? :eyes: :eyes:

Kind of LOL, though I know popular people have their popular troubles, I'm just a tiny bit jealous yknow?

Are there any songs you think describe an OC or a story perfectly?

Killer Queen by Mad Tsai for Nebula. Now, I don't know if the song is intended to be interpreted this way, but I get to interpret it however I want and I say the two girls are the same person. So on first listen the song seems to be about two girls, one popular and one shunned, and they both kill everyone they date. But after a few listens I think that the two killer queens are the same person, the shunned girl in the second verse is in fact just the past version of the popular girl in the first verse. She "killed for her crown," became popular, became prom queen, and sought revenge by tricking people to go on dates with her and killing them.

This fits Nebula's story as someone who got shunned for her magic powers but later rose to be the second most important person in Bauhinia. Not sure about the revenge part though, but well.

Might you have a paracosm? Look it up!

Heh, this is the indoctrination question I sneaked in.

Finally, do you still recognize the word "OC" after seeing it so much?

When writing this questionnaire, no; but now yes because I typed a lot of words in LOL.

Artist Questionnaire

2026-01-29T00:00:00Z

Questionnaire from Stupied!

Introduce yourself! What kind of art do you make?

Tofutush here. I draw my OCs.

How long have you been making art?

Since, IDK, since I could remember. I drew all over 6th floor's walls when I was little. My parents had to repaint all the walls white when we moved out.

How many hours do you spend for each piece?

Usually under an hour, maybe 2 at most. Then I get tired of it.

Do you prefer taking your time or do you like to quickly move on to the next thing?

Well, I get tired of a piece easily and want to get it over with LOL.

When do you decide a piece is finished?

When all the boxes are checked. Lines, colors, shading, eyebrows(!!), background if I felt like it.

What part of the creation process do you enjoy the most?

Coloring! I just fill-bucket them all. Satisfying.

What part of the creation process do you dislike the most?

Shading. I never know where to shade.

Do you have a designated workstation or do you just work wherever?

I need to have a desk big enough for my laptop and tablet, as well as a plug because the software gets extremely laggy if not plugged in.

Do you monetize you work or is it purely a hobby?

Just a hobby. I'd love to make money from it though, but eh, I don't know how and my art isn't very monetizable.

Where do you share your work? On social media or a personal websites? Do you keep to yourself and close friends?

On the TIR website. Other places, if I remember (I don't).

What's an aspect of your art you enjoy?

IDK… it looks cute?

What are things you would like to improve on?

Literally everything? Shading, anatomy…

Are you self-taught or had formal education?

Mostly self-taught. Went to art classes all the time, from the kids' ones to the "sit in front of an easel drawing geometric shapes for 4 hours" ones, but I don't think I actually learnt a thing.

Do you research about old techniques or stick to newer ones?

I stick to this singular set of techniques I have.

What do you value more, experimentation or mastery?

Well, experimentation without at least a little mastery would just be doing random shit. Though doing random shit is fine! I suppose I don't value either.

Do you practice drawing from the wrist? What other art techniques to you practice?

I thought drawing from the wrist is the bad practice version? I usually draw with my arm, from the elbow usually, sometimes from the shoulder.

How frequently do you do studies?

No.

Do you understand color theory? How'd you learn or do you want to?

No. I'd like to learn though, but that may require me to *gasp* not colorpick soul colors! What a blasphemy! But I guess blending modes can help me. IDK.

Favorite color(s)?

Blue!

Are there colors you avoid? Do you think ugly colors exists?

Super bright neon stuff. I once had a bright green giraffe plushie which I brought in the car, and it gave me such nausea I threw it away immediately after getting off. Like, that was one of the worst carsickness I had ever experienced.

Can you do perspective?

Nope!

Do you like doing lineart? How do you go about it?

Kinda! I use Clip Studio Paint's vector brush feature. I can't draw without it these days. It allows you to adjust lines after you drew them, but more importantly to erase an entire line up to where it intersects with another. Super convenient!

Do you have multiple unfinished projects? Will you ever get to finishing them?

For singular pieces, I have a couple, but not a lot. I usually finish things in one sitting.

How do you start a new piece? Do you have a plan or just figure it along the way?

I have an idea, maybe sketch it on paper and take a picture and then trace that sketch on the computer, or just sketch it on the computer.

Back when I did comics, I always thumbnail it on paper, paste the photo on the computer, and sketch in more detail on there.

How do you handle art block?

I just don't draw until I get ideas again.

Do you listen to music or watch something while working?

If I remember, I'd open up foobar and put that giant-ass library on random. I don't watch stuff though, because my eyes are on the drawing?

When are you most motivated to create? In the morning or evening? Rainy or sunny?

I don't know. Maybe if I observed myself enough I'd find a pattern, but now it just appears random to me.

Are your sketchbooks messy or aesthetically pleasing?

Messy. It's just a bunch of random shit.

Half the things I doodle aren't even my OCs. Just a random generic dog or cat.

Do you like showing sketchbooks to others?

No.

Do you have any art friends? IRL or online?

I have some IRL. Online, not that much.

Do you collaborate frequently with your friends? Is there something you'd like to work on together?

No.

Have you created art to gift to others? How do feel about parting away from your work?

Yes. Parting away… in the context of this question, I don't think gift art is parting from your work. It's still your work? But considering this question alone, in a "separate art from the artist" sense, I'd still like credit at least.

Have you drawn for someone else? Like commissions or requests? Did you enjoy it?

I did art trades. It's fun; I consider them the same as gift art / fanart — drawing not featuring my characters.

They have minimal differences though I suppose. Trades are less "I drew this because appreciate the original material."

How's your posture?

I have scoliosis, take that however you want. The doctor said it's uncurable now that I'm 18, but luckily it won't get worse either so yeah.

Have you ever been injured making art?

I don't recall.

What's a medium of art you've wanted to try / currently attempting?

Animation. Just traced a caramelldansen template. It was exhausting. Did tweening before too, but could never go beyond simple rotation and movement, ugh.

Do you prefer stylized or realistic art?

Stylized. If I want realistic stuff I'd go outside.

Do you like hyper-realistic art?

Same as above.

Do you like abstract art?

No.

How do you feel about fine art?

(No idea what that is) According to Oxford Dictionary, fine art is "creative art, especially visual art whose products are to be appreciated primarily or solely for their imaginative, aesthetic, or intellectual content."

Wouldn't most art be considered fine art then? So I guess I like it.

How do you feel about outsider art? Do you think you fall in that category?

(What are all these definitions) "Art produced by untrained people who are not part of the artistic establishment."

I fall under this.

Do you follow art trends?

No. I've seen some trends, like the Sienna one recently, and the two people lying on grass one from a while ago. For Sienna, I didn't like the song; and for the grass one I did like the song but I didn't know what characters to put there LOL.

Do you think you art is influenced by what's currently popular?

Maybe?

Do you compare yourself with others? Does it affect you negatively?

Well yeah, can't help it. Sometimes it affects me negatively.

Your controversial art take?

Using the circle tool is fine. I think this really only matters in the Homestuck fandom LOL, and I don't really know if this take is controversial or agreed-upon.

Art related pet peeves?

Eyes appearing through the hair. And this other one that's oddly specific: it's when the character has bangs covering one eye, and you just don't draw the covered eye even when in that piece the bangs aren't long enough to completely cover it. The character turns into a cyclop then. To illustrate:

Who or what are your inspirations?

TheStarFishFace single-handedly defined my entire workflow. LiteralHat is the GOAT. And who could forget Dav Pilkey? And then there's… Homestuck.

What's an art piece / artist you wished got more attention?

Check out my mutual Stardustly!

Have you touch grass recently? Do you go out frequently or do you spend most of your time indoors?

I have mold on my head.

Do you create art daily?

No.

Do you take breaks from creating? How frequently?

Yes. When I'm not creating I'm taking a break; that's my definition.

Do you set deadline for your work?

No. I either complete them in one sitting or never complete them.

Do you archive your work? Do you keep old pieces?

I have started doing that with my website, but older ones are lost. I have 5 pieces from 2023 and that's the furthest back. I have tons of comics I drew on notebooks that are just. Gone.

Are you embarrassed of your old work? Or are you indifferent by it?

Not really embarrassed by my old work, but embarrassed in the sense that I haven't improved much since 2023.

Do you seek out for criticism? How do you handle feedback?

I don't seek them out because I don't think I can handle them well LOL.

Are you harsh on your own work? Or do you love your work despite all it's flaws?

I am harsh in the sense that I think a piece is trash, yet lenient in the sense that I don't improve it anyways and just let the trash be trash.

Do you get compliments frequently? How do feel about them?

Well maybe it's just the insecurity speaking but every time I do get compliments I think the other person is just being nice. Which, I mean, they are nice and they can be nice and genuine at the same time, no?

How do feel about the rise of generative AI? Do you use it for getting ideas or references?

I actually don't care at all if AI "steals" my art or anything, and that it's over-fearmongered. But I don't use it for graphic-art-related things.

How do feel about tracing? What about tracing 3d models to streamline art process?

I just traced an animation template recently LOL. I've never traced 3D models because most of them are more accurate to human anatomy and my brain would explode. Accurate anatomy! Unthinkable!

Drop you art resources!

Eh, just CSP and an aliased brush.

Do you prefer making fanart or original content?

Original content. My beloved OCs.

Do you think original content are more creative than fanart?

No. You can't measure creativity. Though I do die a little when I see people making elaborate AUs and extensive fanworks because at that point you are making original content but not labeling it as such!

Do you strive for originality?

No.

Do you draw from imagination or heavily rely on references?

Imagination. I only reference when I'm like super stuck.

Do you think using references is a crutch?

No. Isn't using references like the "better," more "correct" way to draw compared to pulling all them shit from your brain?

Do you like to make mood boards or scroll through Pinterest?

No.

Does your work have a story behind them or do you just make things that you think look neat?

Well all my OCs have a story (if they're lucky), but most of my art is just random shit instead of lore-related art because the latter usually require scenes and scenes have backgrounds and backgrounds are scary. I never know how to pose them anyways. They live forever in my head but I can't put them down on paper LOL.

Do you think art should have a purpose?

No.

Favorite aesthetic?

Whatever looks cool to me, but those faux-Soviet (or just genuine-Soviet) stuff always gets me. I once had an idea to make notice signs like "wear your seatbelts!" in Soviet aesthetic posters, but I don't actually know the aesthetic enough to replicate it.

Do you have a muse or a theme you fall back to?

I don't know.

If you could eat you art, what would it taste like?

Those icing and sprinkles that looks nice but give you stomachaches.

If your work suddenly became sentient, would it adore or hate you?

I think it would hate me.

Based on previous question, can you win in a fist fight against it?

Nope!

Is your art style consistent? Do you prefer making a wide variety of art?

It's pretty consistent. I just draw the same old face over and over.

Do you revisit old concepts or sketches? Do you touch em up or leave them as is?

I cannot find my old concepts or sketches.

Do you believe in talent or is it all skill?

Skill.

What's your favorite thing to draw / make? Do you prefer making living things or still life?

Well, my OCs.

Do you create your art with a specific audience in mind? Who?

Myself.

How do you feel about people taking inspiration from work? Do you think art style theft is real?

I'd be honored, but at the same time I need to yell at them to find someone better. Art style is not a thing so you can't steal something that doesn't exist.

Do you participate in art conventions? Do you sell your work or support everyone else?

No, no, and no.

Are you art materials expensive? Do you hoard any tools?

Well I guess a laptop plus a tablet is expensive, but they're not one-time-use.

Do you organize you supplies and tools systematically?

Nope!

Do you clean up after a project? Or do you just leave everything lying around till you need the space?

I tuck my tablet back in the drawer.

Do you have a ritual before you start creating? Do you have a drink or some snacks?

No.

How do feel about censorship in art? Where do you draw the line for inappropriate art?

The line lies in whatever makes me feel uncomfortable personally. And it shifts with my mood. This is why I deserve to be the dictator of the world, I tell you.

Do you censor your own art? Do you feel like you leave out details for it be socially accepted?

Same as above, just whatever makes me uncomfortable. For example, I never draw boobs bigger than a little bump, though I just know that Goose definitely has the biggest boobs you will ever see… I still draw her completely flat.

Do you feel intimated with starting a new projects?

If it's big, like animation, maybe a little.

Are you scared of your art regressing? Do you think it's even possible to get worst at art?

Yes. I think it's possible, because art is a skill, like a muscle you need to flex.

Do you frequently make compromises for your work? Does your art come out the way you envision them?

Yes, all the time. A piece is nearly never the way I imagine it.

How well do you manage your mistakes? Do you stress about them?

If they're for the "important" works, like the thumbnails, profiles, and references, I'd go and fix. Otherwise, depends on my mood.

Do you make lists of things you'd like to make? Do you actual commit to them?

I used to, but now I stopped because I never commit LOL.

What is your ultimate goal of your work? Like, is to tell a story, connect with others, or just to enjoy the process?

Tell a story, definitely. My OCs deserve the light of day.

What's something you've recently worked on that you're really proud of?

The caramelldansen animation! Even though it's just template tracing LOL.

Do you have any dream projects? Have you started on them?

The Hillslope comic used to be one. Other than that, they're not that art-related but I have a couple of visual novel ideas. I'm still working on the outline for Tadlet Kingdom Adventures.

Would you prefer unlimited money or unlimited time to make your projects?

Well, do I have to spend the unlimited money on projects or can I buy other things with it? Because if that's the case, unlimited money can basically buy unlimited time. I'd go live somewhere I like, hire a cook and stuff like that, and never leave the house again. And commission a game studio!

But unlimited time could potentially also generate unlimited money. I'd brand myself as the Immortal Person and charge people a shitton to interview me.

Ultimately though, projects take more time to make. Especially with my current setup, my projects never incur explicit costs. All I need is time.

Why do you create art?

Why not?

Are you happy with what you create?

Maybe not 100%, but yeah.

Do you think everyone should make art?

Yes. I get sad when people want to draw but get scared because they think the result won't be what they expected…

What's advice you'd give to newer artist?

Just draw! It will be shit, but just draw!

When did you finish this? How'd you feel?

16:23. I don't remember when I started so that's useless.

Game: Lorelei and the Laser Eyes

2026-01-31T00:00:00Z

(This post does not contain story spoilers. Mostly because I don't fucking know what's going on either.)

I finished Lorelei and the Laser Eyes. It was a great game! In 11 hours and 12 minutes, I reached 95.9% completion and earned 64 dollars. Suffice to say I still don't really have a good idea of what was going on.

I only found this game because of a video titled something like "Lorelei Is Just Like Blue Prince But Better!" And after playing, I agree with the video. So do expect constant comparisons to Blue Prince in this post.

Basically, the point of the video was to say Lorelei features a bunch of puzzles too, but unlike Blue Prince, it puts the randomization in the right places. The puzzle solutions are randomized, so if you want to consult a guide, which I relied on, no one can tell you what exactly the solution is, only how to solve it. The hotel rooms themselves are not. In Blue Prince, the rooms are randomly drawn, but the solutions are the same. So you could potentially know exactly what to do, but just fail to do it because you ran out of keys or steps.

My biggest gripe with this game is its controls. You only need a "walking around" key set (WASD or arrows) and an "interact" key (space or enter), making it possible to play this game with only one hand. However, that also made entering puzzles extremely clunky. When spinning locks, which is what you're doing half the time, if you miss the right number or letter, you have to spin it all the way around again. In addition, you can't quit; you have to input the combination and get it wrong, like a humiliation ritual. With all these keys on a keyboard this just felt like a crime. Many of the puzzle boxes and the inventory too; those would've been way better if I could click them with my mouse. They could've made it so much easier with more buttons, and only at the expense of unleashing upon the players the horror of playing with two hands.

And for a thing that I don't like as much but definitely works well in the game was the perspective. Because despite being 3D, most of the game is essentially in a top-down style where the direction keys control which direction you walk in. But since it's 3D, there's gotta be a perspective. Every room has a fixed perspective that you see the player character in. Sometimes it's kind of normal; sometimes it's completely top-down so you only see the player character's head; sometimes it's from a low spot so the character gets really big if you make her walk south. And well, at first it disoriented me a ton, but after I traversed these rooms enough I got used to it. And this works really well to limit your view of the rooms to whatever you need to see, and create a pretty unique type of 3D. Now, I don't play enough games to know if anyone else did this, but all the 3D games I could recall (Minecraft, Portal, Blue Prince, and nearly every Roblox game) were the "look in the direction of mouse" types.

In some parts of the game where that isn't the case, the north and south buttons make the character walk forwards and backwards, and the east and west buttons make her turn around on the spot. I could never manage to get her to walk properly. Still, why not just let me use a mouse? I get that some consoles may have constraints but can't you switch things up in the PC build?

Gripes aside, this was a great game. It actually has an in-game memory system that logs all the notes and stuff you've seen, as opposed to Blue Prince where they just expect you to screenshot everything. This helped tons, but especially when the part comes when it does not save the info in your memory — like pulling out the carpet under your feet suddenly. But well, you can just pull out the good old pen and paper.

But for a point in Blue Prince, it had those little tutorial notes in some of the most common rooms, and one big puzzle involved you re-examining these notes in a new light and finding out hidden clues inside them that you definitely would not have noticed when you first read them. By the time you do that, you would have walked past them dozens of times, having gotten so used to them you stop picking them up and don't think twice about them. I don't recall having similar things in Lorelei, since most puzzles are just… doors, that stay open once you open them; and most rooms are done for once you solve the puzzle inside it.

And yeah, most of this game is opening doors. When you've opened all the doors and visited all the rooms, you're close to the end of the game. Every puzzle you solve contribute to solving the ultimate puzzle — three codes required to log in to a supercomputer.

I still didn't really know what's going on in here. I read some interpretations on Steam which gave me an idea of what happened, but it still does not explain what our player character is doing here, how was she able to exist with the old woman at the same time, who was the guy on the other side of the phone… Maybe it was all a game Lorelei made for herself to reconcile with her past? No clue. Maybe I just wasn't smart enough. In Blue Prince, everything had a specific reason for being there — someone left the puzzle there for Simon to solve, mostly his great-uncle, his mom, Lady Auravei, and occasionally really really old royalty. But for Lorelei, it seems that the puzzles are just there, for the sake of being puzzles. I think the best explanation is that this game itself was made by Lorelei, who put these puzzles into this game, for us, the audience, to solve. If you look at Lorelei's art exhibits, all of them require audience participation, which was the direct opposite of Renzo, who always wanted to create art that does not require an audience.

Did I like it? Yes!
Would I read / watch / play it again? No.
Would I grab a random stranger off the street and make them read / watch / play it? Yes.
If someone wants to read / watch / play it, would I throw myself in like a human shield to protect them from harm? No.

January Recap

2026-02-01T00:00:00Z

Here comes the first installment of me disciplining myself into writing monthly recaps. I need a template for this thing.

How was the month?

Cold. Snow everywhere. For the first part, winter break wasn't over, and I was honestly quite bored. And then I got back to school and reunited with more friends. And then it started to snow a ton and that got classes all canceled.

When I got back to the dorm, I unpacked, and swept the entire place. It was not big but I still got so tired that my stomach started growling like crazy.

Milestones

I spent a whole year being eligible for the death penalty, yet not being sentenced to death.
I started the second semester of college, despite not having any classes due to the snow.

Stuff I did

Wrote a couple chapters of Spy School.
Made a writing system.
Wrote a quiz framework and published quizzes.
Made a tilde.town page.
Made a microblog.
Started the Tadlet Kingdom Adventures project.

Stuff I want to do

Continue doing the Tadlet Kingdom Adventures project.
Do well at school.
Reread the Wings of Fire books to prepare for book 16.

Book: Jennifer Government

2026-02-15T00:00:00Z

Contents

Previously…

Funny way how I found out this book existed. I found this game online called NationStates which is basically a country simulator. So I created Bauhinia, or attempted to but the name was fucking taken by some tasteless stranger! But it was going to expire soon, so I made Bauhinia after it did.

And then I got too overwhelmed by stuff that I didn't know what buttons to click, and left it at that. Today, I logged on again, found that Bauhinia was long gone because I hadn't logged in for so long, but I could restore it, so I did.

The Republic of Bauhinia had the flag of Hong Kong because you could only choose from existing flags. It was a "Compulsory Consumerist State," and the blurb quote read, "Hahahahaha." Yeah that was past me's doing. It has good civil rights, very strong economy, and rare political freedom.

Here's the entire profile description. It was so epic I decided to paste the entire thing here.

The Republic of Bauhinia is a large, efficient nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, irreverence towards religion, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 112 million Bauhinians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The minute, well-organized government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Law & Order, although Healthcare, Education, and Defense are also considered important, while Spirituality and International Aid are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 5.5%.

The very strong Bauhinian economy, worth 8.10 trillion bucks a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Door-to-door Insurance Sales industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is 72,331 bucks, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 213,170 per year while the poor average 19,312, a ratio of 11.0 to 1.

The mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas, organ donation is compulsory, the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller, and Bauhinian watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Bauhinia's national animal is the Puppy, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Bauhinia is ranked 192,079th in the world and 7,971st in Osiris for Most Advanced Law Enforcement, scoring 1,203.88 on the Orwell Orderliness Index.

Here's the recent events list:

Seconds ago: Bauhinia was refounded in Osiris.
1 year 70 days ago: Bauhinia ceased to exist in The West Pacific.
1 year 97 days ago: Bauhinia was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Insurance Industry, the Top 5% for Lowest Overall Tax Burden and Largest Gambling Industry, and the Top 10% for Largest Publishing Industry and Highest Disposable Incomes.
1 year 98 days ago: Bauhinia's influence in The West Pacific rose from "Zero" to "Unproven".
1 year 98 days ago: Following new legislation in Bauhinia, Bauhinian watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact.
1 year 98 days ago: Following new legislation in Bauhinia, the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller.
1 year 98 days ago: Following new legislation in Bauhinia, organ donation is compulsory.
1 year 98 days ago: Following new legislation in Bauhinia, the mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas.
1 year 98 days ago: Bauhinia was founded in The West Pacific.

But alright, none of that was actually on topic. I might log in every year or so just to hog Bauhinia's name though. The thing is, the developer of the game, Max Barry, also wrote books, and they looked quite interesting, so I added them to my booklist where they promptly collected digital dust for about 1 year 90 days. But recently I decided to go ahead with one of them to see: do I let the other books continue to collect digital dust, or do I get rid of them?

The actual review

So I started to read Jennifer Government. Its premise is that, this is an ultra-Capitalist USA society, and people take on the last names of their employers. So we have Hack Nike, Billy Bechtel (later NRA), people like that. Kids are apparently named after the school they attend, like Hayley McDonalds^[1] from a McDonalds-ran school, because all schools were funded by private companies too. Unemployed people, and I assume babies, have no last name. And Jennifer Government, as you can guess, works for the government. And these people get in trouble as their lives intertwine and stuff. It was a solid and promising premise, and what caught my attention in the first place.

I've always thought I wasn't good enough of a writer to review books, but like. I'm doing it because I actually felt like I have something to say. So yeah, I'm saying them. Obviously, spoiler alert. No blacked-out text this time.

Also, the USA now encompasses (at least) the current USA itself, Australia, New Zealand, and the UK.^[2] In all subsequent instances of "USA" I mean this expanded USA. Jennifer works for the Australian branch of the Government. People also speak "American" instead of English, and capitalism is spelled "capitalizm" in lieu of common American spellings changing s's to z's, which is pretty clever.

First of all, why are they named Hack and Buy? Who one day had a baby and decided to name him Buy?

Next… alright I admit my issues with this book were too numerous and too scattered to organize, and I've already cut off many many things wrong with the book to leave only the important parts.^[3]

The chapters were super short. I don't know whether it's because they're really just short or I just read too much John le Carré, but this, paired with the constant POV switching, made my head a whirlwind. Things barely happen in one chapter before we go to another character, and by the time we loop back I had already forgotten what this character was supposed to be doing.

In addition, Hayley should not have been given any POV chapters if her death is the inciting incident. She narrates two chapters, and the next time she appears she just up and dies. If this was supposed to be a bait-and-switch well then, you got me, because I genuinely thought the author was setting Hayley up for future character development. In her first two appearances, Hayley was giving a speech to her class about how the USA is great and awesome, compared to Europe where it's bad and horrible and have to pay taxes. Her teacher was quite upset about this and challenged her beliefs subtly, but she was firm on her stance. The teacher was sad. Fucker, aren't you her teacher? What have you been teaching her then? Like where do you think Hayley got her beliefs from, if not the teacher? Her parents? I don't think her parents would be that happy with the current state of the world if they're not wealthy enough to throw away a couple thousand bucks for those shoes.^[4] I think the author was trying to show how the system brainwashes children, but… y'know usually the main vessel for them to do that is through schools and teachers. Having the teacher disagree with her speech completely defeats the purpose.

Buy, the rich but sad and lonely and "money can't solve problems^[5]" guy, came across Hayley desperately wanting to buy a new pair of shoes that Nike was selling. So he dumps a bunch of money on her thinking he made her day. Before then we saw Hack Nike being told to murder 10 people who buys those shoes so people would think "they're killing people for these shoes!" and it would make the prices go higher. Weird logic but not the weirdest logic this book has to offer. So Hayley got shot because of that, and one kid ran to Buy for help, but emergency lines refused to help unless he could prove he has the ability to pay,^[6] and Buy has to contend with his guilt. Later he got so guilty he tried to kill himself. Very unfortunately though, he was too stupid to figure out how to work a gun, and also Jennifer stopped him.

I think it would've worked so much better if it was someone else dying and Hayley ran to Buy for help. Buy still has to watch a kid die, and if Hayley was also distraught at her friend dying that would add more to Buy's guilt. And then Hayley could realize that the system who let her friend die was, maybe, not the perfect thing she thought it was.

In addition, I think Buy's suicide could've been framed so much better as a result of alienation of labor. I really don't know if that was the author's intention and he was just being subtle this time, because the text continuously framed it as a direct result of his guilt over Hayley's death. But the alienation signs were clear. He was sitting at his desk, he could use insider trading to make tons, but he's just sad and depressed. Because he's alienated from his labor.

Everyone in this world is a fucking wacko. It is definitely more the author's writing's fault than the McDonalds education. If I were to write down every instance where the characters were being utterly stupid that would make this review unnecessarily long, so I'll just point out the most egregious instances.

One of the backstory reveals was the history between Jennifer and John. Apparently Jennifer got pregnant and John didn't want the kid so they broke up. Fucker, if you didn't want a kid then wear a condom? Neuter yourself? That happened offscreen though so whatever. John was still a wacko. Just what's this guy's deal? Is he supposed to be a "if we come to this then people like John would appear more often" message? Most of the things he does is mainly to service the plot though. Bro has no motivation. You have to remember, this guy's just some Nike marketing guy and the highest position he had is a liaison. But in the latter half of the book he was seen bossing literally everyone around, even ordering soldiers around right in front of their general, and people just accept his authority?

Billy… If this guy had grown half a brain at any point during his arc, then most of it wouldn't have happened.

Everything involving Violet was stupidly written. It's bad because Violet herself must be the least stupid out of most of these characters, though a lot of the time her success is ensured by the people around her being dumbasses. The dumbest thing she did was not ask for upfront payment on her virus.

And Jennifer. Lady, how much are you paid? Why are you such a workaholic? What sort of year-end bonus would you get on the Government's measle budget? I know you have beef with John but come on. I think she was workaholicing before she even found out John's involvement? Can't remember.

I'm not even saying this kind of workaholism is unrealistic. My mom was such a person. Her workplace was extremely competitive and she was always pressured to devote lots of energy to it even if the rewards were minimal. Her professional responsibilities got converted to a personal responsibility in her own mind. She felt like she owes her students, and if one of the does badly she thinks it's a personal fault of hers.^[7] So much that even when she transferred to a school where that's not the case and got a promotion in the process, she couldn't adjust and started having mental issues. She would've been just like Jennifer, coming back to work when she's still injured (her bosses would probably not directly order her to go home like Jennifer's) and sacrificing time for her family to work. But it took a toll on her. She had serious mental issues that surfaced after transferring away from the toxic environment. The book however was clearly not written with that in mind. Jennifer's devotion was ultimately fruitful and the only time Kate got put in danger because of her, it was solved by more devotion to her job of catching John. It's like the author actually believes that working hard can get you results.

It's 1984 all over again. Am I supposed to root for Jennifer? Am I supposed to be sympathetic to any of these idiots? Am I supposed to believe the system is bad, that people like John would take over if we reach such a state? The only thing I felt bad about was Hayley's death and it's not even because she died, it's because of her wasted character-development potential.

A side note, what even is the role of the government in this world? I wouldn't be surprised if all they do is handle name changes every day. In the book though they look an awful lot like the FBI. Girl do I simply love the idea that most of the government is gone but only the FBI remains! You cannot escape the FBI!

So yeah. This book so heavily depends on the characters all being dumbasses for the plot to work, but that isn't even my biggest gripe. My biggest problem is how USA-centric it is.

Other parts of the world are hardly mentioned. When they are, it's mostly in the context of how bad they are compared to the USA, like Europe — look, they have to pay taxes! How evil! And then you look closely and they're literally just welfare states like y'all aren't that different. The third world was briefly mentioned as a rhetoric, "McDonalds exploits the third world so you should not eat there!" And look. You need this much imperialism just to uphold the current level of consumerism. In the world of this book, no doubt they need even more. They can't go without. Nike's shoes aren't manufactured in the USA. Your oil isn't harvested purely in Alaska and Australia. You still eat bananas and chocolate, don't you? Exploitation of the third world would only increase. If the Government shrunk and defunded the military, private corporations would simply take up the slack. Like you know they aren't gonna simply retreat and dismantle all them military bases around the world right? I can imagine US Alliance (with the NRA) taking over some of them and TA (with the Police) taking over the others. They would fight over control. Where there was one imperialist USA exerting control over resource-rich 3rd world countries, there are now 2 imperialist USAs fighting over said resources. I won't be surprised if a war breaks out. This is literally how WWI started. This entire book reads "UWU laissez-faire capitalism bad for Americans welfare states good for Americans" and I couldn't care less about how Americans (including the broader USA) suffer. This is the biggest shortcoming of the book. The author wants to warn us away from a future where the government has less control over corporations because that would be Bad For Americans and we need Welfare States For Americans, Americans this Americans that, but come on, that makes no difference at all to the third world.

The latter half of Hack's story involved him going around with this rebel group causing havoc. They'd go to stores like McDonalds and Nike, throw some dyed powder around telling people it's poison, scream at the top of their lungs "big corporations bad, small business good, big corporations exploit the third world" like small businesses somehow don't. Oh and when Violet said she wanted to shoot John^[8] through the door Hack was literally shocked that she would say such a thing. I can't really grasp the author's intent when writing this arc, but if he was satirizing them I think he did a good job.

So yeah what is it with the dystopian genre, especially the world-changing ones, generally not considering the majority of the world's population humans? Off the top of my head I remember reading just three other dystopian books: 1984 with its collectively stupid and useless proles, The Giver with its how-the-fuck-is-it-supposed-to-function society (but if it's just one little town out of the entire world that suffers from this forgetfulness I could perhaps take that…), Fahrenheit 451… well I can imagine that happening if it's just the books and nothing else about the wider world changed, but there were planes and bombs and stuff and I can't remember why the fuck they were there. Hell, I think the fucking Hunger Games might've done a better job if we can interpret the Capital as the imperial core and the Districts as the periphery, but I haven't read them yet so I don't know.

The verdict

I have learned my lesson. I shall believe in Goodreads reviews. I shall not read any book below 4 stars now.

Remember, the whole point of why I picked this up was to determine whether I keep reading his other books.

I was about to ditch them all, but I went to check and Jennifer Government was actually the second book he wrote. So I was like, maybe give this guy some benefit of the doubt. He has interesting ideas; he just can't write.

So I decided to remove all his other books from the list except The 22 Murders of Madison May, which was published in 2021 (Jennifer Government was published in 2005 as a comparison). Let's see if his writing gets better then.

Next, I'll be rereading the entire Wings of Fire series again to prepare for book 16!

Did I like it? No.
Would I read / watch / play it again? No.
Would I grab a random stranger off the street and make them read / watch / play it? Fuck no.
If someone wants to read / watch / play it, would I throw myself in like a human shield to protect them from harm? Probably.

Personally, I would off myself if my school uniform had a huge McDonalds logo at the back. ↩︎
Can't remember if Canada was a part. Five Eyes shit. Actually if Canada wasn't a part, it would be Two Eyes like a normal person; and if it was, then Five Eyes wouldn't even be a thing anymore. ↩︎
There are some previous versions saved in Git history though if you want to take a look. ↩︎
Knowing how wacko everyone else is though, I'm not confident. ↩︎
If you have money and are still sad, then that's just a skill issue. ↩︎
If Buy is so rich, wouldn't he be a member of an emergency service already? ↩︎
If you get such a teacher, cherish her with all your life. She still has plenty of connections with past students who are adults now, and every single one was really grateful to have met her. ↩︎
Another John, not the main wacko John; this John was in a coma for the majority of the book because Violet bashed him in the head with a toaster. Violet didn't deserve this book and the treatment it gave her. ↩︎

February Recap

2026-03-01T00:00:00Z

I almost forgot about this… but here goes nothing.

How was the month?

Turned 19. Actually started school. Agonized over school. It's getting warmer near the end. Had some lows. Maybe seasonal depression is kicking in.

Milestones

19 years old!

This section is honestly not that different from "stuff I did…" It should be for like, big stuff. Like graduating, or getting a driver's license. So expect this section to be empty most of the time.

Stuff I did

Published the Bauhinian Text Converter!
Finishing touches to the Blue Prince House Builder.
Obtained all trophies in Blue Prince.
Home page revamp of TIR site.
Image system overhaul of TIR site.
Started playing Stardew Valley.

Stuff I want to do

Finish re-reading Wings of Fire.
Not die during spring break.
Kill all Chinese-American authors.

So uh yeah. So long!

Harmony and I

2026-03-10T00:00:00Z

Remember when I said I don't relate to my main character Sparky and my self-insert Qibli? Well, there emerged an unlikely connection — I relate to Harmony.

Harmony's journey in Spy School can be seen as two parts. First, she learned to make friends and stopped being possessive. Second, she overcame her impostor syndrome, the fear of not belonging at Ministry Affiliate.

Both of these journeys resonate with me. I had never known how to make friends; I was shy and I never reached out. And I get jealous when my friends have friends. Y'know, having a life of their own. And I've always felt like a kid in an adult's skin, always anxious at my peer's achievements, thinking I don't deserve to be among them.

But of course I had to rip all that away from her as the culmination of her development — developing real friendship with Jelly and successfully carrying out their mission — turned into her fatal flaw because Sky needed to teach them a lesson in not only agent handling, but in obeying the Ministry. But that's another topic. And it's not like her development was undone by that event. Her development made the event possible.

What I'm really interested in was not how much I relate to Harmony, but why I related to her. And I think it's because I actually took out my trusty keyboard and wrote the damn story, even if it were only three chapters. When planning the story, Harmony had not been this relatable. I had the idea of her arc being about impostor syndrome, but that was it. The friendship arc — or hell, Rose as a character — was not even conceived of before I started writing the story. Even some of the later stuff, after they grew into adults, also resonated with my feelings of old friends growing apart and estranged. Writing the story made me feel closer to Harmony than ever.

But that doesn't really check out, since I wrote a couple chapters of A Nuke From Moreland too, but I never felt this close to either of the four friends. So what changed?

No fucking idea girl. But let's celebrate Tofu finding resonance with a fictional character. I'll be up there with the yumeshippers in no time.

Wings of Fire!

2026-03-14T00:00:00Z

I thought I heard that book 15 was the last book. Apparently either I was wrong or the author wanted to cash back in on this series. But regardless, Wings of Fire is getting book 16!

To get ready for that, I've decided to reread all the previous 15 books. Three arcs, 5 each. Because oh let me tell you, these books are peak. And I'm reviewing them. Every single one. Including Legends and Winglets. Because every single one deserves them.

Spoilers ahead. I will not black anything out. Damn it's like, really hard to talk about books and stuff without spoiling content you know? But reviews with no spoilers are for people who haven't read these books and you want to introduce it to them. Which is not the purpose of this blog post.^[1]

Each of the three arcs contain 5 books that revolve around a prophecy. Each of the 5 books feature a different protagonist, and is solely told from their point of view save for the prologue and epilogue. It also features a guide to the different dragon tribes in the beginning. This looks a lot like the Warrior Cats allegiances thing, but it actually serves some really great plot purposes, especially in the first arc.

1. The Dragonet Prophecy (Clay)

I bought this book alone to see if I would like it. I read this, and immediately bought all of the rest (well, up to book 11 because the rest weren't published yet).

This book does a spectacular job of introducing the readers to the world. Because if you think about it more carefully, there is no reason that the dragonets believe what they believe in. If they're all literally raised under a rock, why would they even assume that they have parents and families? Sure, the guardians all came from tribes where families are a thing. But I can't see them teaching the dragonets that. They might as well tell them that their eggs just magically popped up in the world, waiting for the Talons of Peace to find them and hatch them. And for many of the dragon thing, like the MudWing sibling groups, normal dragons should be aware of it since birth. Because even for MudWings who hatched normally and not in a cave, who is going to teach the them that they're supposed to stick together and call each other their sibs?

Well! That's because the author needs to give the dragonets a human worldview. They share a worldview with the readers. That's why the dragonets assume they have families and parents, because we humans do and the human readers know that. That's why they don't know anything about dragon society. Anything that they know and we don't is given to us at the beginning — the NightWing's Guide to the Dragons of Pyrrhia, and the Pyrrhia map. We are exploring the dragon world with the dragonets. And that is what makes the introduction of the dragon world work so smoothly, and the reveals so well. We, as readers, start out knowing just as much as the dragonets. The little stretch in giving the dragonets human worldviews that they shouldn't have is worthwhile to make the introduction of this world so smooth.

Also, for the scavengers featured in Scarlet's palace… when I read Dragonslayer for the first time I thought the author was just really good at weaving stories together. But now, reading The Dragonet Prophecy again, the actions described were all too insanely detailed that I'm certain that the author had the scavengers' story in Scarlet's palace all planned out when writing this book. But there are 8 years between the publishing of these two books… she really just hold her breath for that long??

The setup for this book is also great. You make a premise, five dragonets ending the war. That is a story of what we're expecting. And you immediately break that by first having the SkyWing egg destroyed and replaced by a RainWing, and then it was broken again as the dragonets escape prematurely after the inciting incident. The story, then, rather than about the dragonets stopping the war like prophesized, has additional stakes of how they are gonna do that despite the odds.

Clay's personal arc is great. One good thing about all these books is that they always manage to develop characters alongside the plot. Characters actually drive the plot here, but there are still a significant amount of external events that they react to. It's like the perfect blend of character-driven and plot-driven. Clay goes through a general arc of thinking he needs to be violent and find the monster inside him that drove him to attack the other eggs at hatching. But in the end we learn from the MudWings that it was a normal thing for MudWings to do — Clay was helping his hatching get out. And the book ends on him learning to be kind — or rather embracing the kind side of him after being told for his whole life that he's a violent monster — in a world full of violence.

I loved the scene where he played the tune of The Dragonets Are Coming and all the prisoners sang with them. That was great.

2. The Lost Heir (Tsunami)

Tsunami was a bit of an ass in this book, but because that's what her character development is going against, and also can you blame her? In this book we see her going into the SeaWing Kingdom obsessed with her status as a princess and having dreams of queenhood. She grew from viewing her little sister as a competitor to viewing her as a friend, and even going to protect the egg — another future competitor, because at that point she had already abandoned the idea of becoming the queen, after seeing the shitfuckery of the Council and how royalty act or is supposed to act, and realizing she belongs with her friends and not the SeaWing Kingdom.

Also, I love how they showed the consequences of the dragonets' actions in Scarlet's arena. Even though they're forced to compete, they did still kill dragons, and that thing was not just tossed away in future books. Like in this one… well if you read it you would know what I'm talking about, but a spoiler just in case: Tsunami killed her own father. But still, it had not been brought up later. It could've been more impactful on Tsunami as a whole is all I'm saying.

Whirlpool and Moray's ass-kissing is pretty funny though, if only reality weren't more exaggerated than fiction. But Moray my dear do they not have janitors in the palaces? Why are you stealing their jobs?

Also, not to dick-ride Whirlpool, but his teaching method legit works better than Riptide's. It's really hard to learn a language with Riptide's Duolingo-style teaching; it takes a ton of time and dedication. But Whirlpool immerses Tsunami in the language by reading her the entire book (Coral's writing may not be the best in the world but she must have great editors). The best option is to stick Tsunami in the Deep Palace and not allow her to surface. In a couple years, she'd be speaking Aquatic like a native. But well evidently she doesn't have time for that, but maybe one day she will.

Speaking of Aquatic, why didn't Webs teach her that? Surely she cannot communicate with other dragons under the cave since there are none, and another language is a handy tool to have, especially as it's essential for underwater communication. This is one of the minor plot points sacrificed for the plot, but honestly I'm fine with that. And maybe a lot of people who speaks English better than their family's language can relate a lot.

3. The Hidden Kingdom (Glory)

Really good. Great.

I've seen some people complain how Glory becoming the queen of the RainWings is too Mary-Sue-y or whatever,^[2] but I don't think that's the case at all. Quite the opposite, in fact; Glory's queenhood isn't just natural progression; it's also everything the book and her arc thus far was building towards.

You see, Glory grew up being told RainWings are lazy and useless and good-for-nothing. When they went to the rainforest, she was eager in meeting them, hoping that they would not be everything she was told — only to find that they were kind of true. The RainWings were indeed so lazy they don't even notice their villagers going missing.^[3] This gave Glory a lot of conflict over her feelings towards her tribe. She wants to be proud of them, as evident in her getting her hopes up every time a RainWing displays a positive trait. She needs to, because they are her tribe and her dragons, and if she cannot be proud of them then no one can. But how could she, when they act like this?

This is why she challenged Magnificent to be queen. If the ones in power isn't willing to do anything, the only way she can enact change is to take the power. Glory challenging Magnificent for the throne is easily one of the best scenes in this arc, as well as the highlight of Glory's arc.

Glory being related to Grandeur, though, was definitely a deux ex machina and it even washes down the weight of her crown, because she doesn't need royal heritage for her rule to be legitimate, and making her royalty erases that message. But the same message is presented in Oasis and Thorn so fine I guess. Also, I don't like how the book frames Grandeur as some nice, upright queen or whatever, even if it's just for a little, because like you're the one who started this rotating queen mess ma'am! Stop blaming it all on your daughters!

Also Scarlet's arena is still haunting them in the scene where Glory disguised herself as an IceWing.

4. The Dark Secret (Starflight)

Had I ever mentioned that the POV arrangement is perfect for each character to get their own spotlight while at the same time progressing the main overarching plot? One of my favorite things about this series is how the character development ties into the main plot and both progress and develop each other. Or maybe I just read too many horrible books (and shows (looking at you Hazbin Hotel)) where the characters act completely stupid and out-of-character in service of the plot. But anyways now we get on the NightWing island with Starflight.

Though we do get a lot of crucial main plot info from this book, I don't think the character development was that good. Starflight spends half the book whining over Sunny, which is horrible enough on its own without whatever the fuck is going on with him and Fatespeaker. The "highlight" for him would probably only be near the end where he made a decision to let Glory go back while he went on gathering the NightWings.

The peak here was how queen Battlewinner died crouching in front of Glory, as if she was bowing to her. That was easily the peakest moment in the arc. Glory becoming queen of the NightWings is also some really warranted plot point, regardless of how "overpowered" Glory might seem, especially since she just became the RainWing queen last book. It's more about the NightWings, how they always reinforced their image of superiority to both other tribes and themselves, now being forced to bow to a dragon they considered inferior to them in every way. And I'm not sugarcoating Glory just because I like her; I don't even like her that much (Sunny > Clay > Glory > Tsunami > Starflight since no one asked), but her path to power is paved so naturally and meaningfully that you can all but root for her.

This book is also the most we get out of the alternate dragonets. And well, I do have a problem here. Why were they horrible to each other while the real dragonets were super good friends? What made them different? Was it just because Clay was a bigwings? I don't think that's enough of a reason, plus we don't know if Ochre was a bigwings or not. I know the alternates were pretty much just foils but they're a little too one-dimensional. If they just hate each other for no reason, then the real dragonets love each other for no reason as well.

Also, I think at one point either Starflight or Fatespeaker was saying how despite having horrible living conditions, the NightWings chose to be cruel to the RainWings they kidnapped and stuff like that so they don't feel that bad for them. I think for a middle grade book this is a good message to send out to the actual target audience teaching them to be kind, but eventually they would have to grow out of this mindset because although the individual does make a choice to either be kind and welcoming or be evil and xenophobic, they don't make choices in a vacuum. Their choices are always influenced by material and societal conditions. Putting all responsibility on the individual lifts attention away from the material conditions that produce such individuals and reward such behavior.

The NightWings' lived under conditions that rewarded cruelty and violence over cooperation with other tribes. Centuries of isolation solidified their image of their own supremacy and their lack of knowledge about other tribes, as well as the perceived inferiority of RainWings, which is then further reinforced by education where the ideology cannot be challenged by NightWing dragonets alone. The last volcano eruption was the immediate trigger of their desperation of a new home, and this, compounded with the aforementioned supremacy ideology, gave them the notion that they have to obtain this new land by force. Their lack of knowledge about RainWings and the aversion to communicating and collaborating with them (that would undermine their supremacy ideology) led to the unethical experimentation. NightWing society produces dragons like Morrowseer and Mastermind. If you went back in time and convinced Mastermind to realize the kindness in his heart and don't do the experiments, someone else would just take up his slack. Instead of putting it up to the individual NightWing to realize torturing RainWings is a bad thing (which, should it take place in the real world, Mastermind would definitely know he's doing wrong things and not "for science" but rather for a new home), the solution is to instead solve the root issue and make a NightWing society that doesn't require any Morrowseers or Masterminds to function. Leave the volcanic island, give them a home on the mainland, which can help facilitate reintegration into mainland society to help dismantle the supremacy ideology; appropriate judicial actions against the direct perpetrators of the torturing; and most importantly power redistribution. That is exactly what they ended up doing, with Glory as the queen of both tribes in the rainforest and sticking Mastermind in quicksand. But putting all that messaging in a middle grade book for children is too much of an expectation, and I'm content with the book telling kids to be a nice person, though thank fuck the rainforest has enough resources for both village-sized tribes (material condition affecting them again, this time positively). This shit would not have happened in real life.

Although, there's more problems with the NightWings. How have they been reinforcing their image of superiority to the other tribes in all the years they've been gone? There's no reason to believe they are powerful when you probably don't get to see one your entire life and they don't influence your tribe in any meaningful way. There isn't even any reason to believe the prophecy in the first place, but I guess dragons get desperate. Also how was the prophecy even communicated to the rest of Pyrrhia? The later two were both spoken by Moonwatcher and was heard by everyone around her. But here, you'd think most queens have a vested interest in not letting the general public know. But well, in messy wartime, stuff spread.

Also, maybe I'm really just aroace, but every single instance of romance in this series is downright horrible. Clay and Peril was just Peril being a yandere; Tsunami and Riptide was just because everyone else was so wacko that Riptide seemed like the most reasonable option; Glory and Deathbringer was… was some sort of love-on-first-sight-on-the-opposite-ends-of-the-battlefield or some shit;^[4] Starflight and Sunny was also just stupid stupid; and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with Fatespeaker. Also the first three are all adult-child in this arc. I won't comment further because well, if other people liked them then other people were probably more normal than I am. (I'm not done though! There is more romance in future books to shit on!)

5. The Brightest Night (Sunny)

I didn't like this book nearly as much, especially since the first bit was quite boring. And it feels like the author is being tug-of-war'ed between having Sunny do extraordinary things to advance the plot and having her stay in character. But I loved Sunny as a character so okay.

Maybe some would argue that some random SandWing that just appeared in the last book becoming queen is too much of a stretch, just as how Glory becoming the queen of both RainWings and NightWings is a stretch. But well, even if Thorn only appeared in the last book, she appeared quite early into the book itself. Also, starting from the moment we met Blaze in book 3 (or from the very very start if you Know Your Tropes) it is extremely obvious that none of the three princesses would be queen. So who else, if not the one SandWing who has proven herself to be a good leader before we even saw her face?

Anyways, solid conclusion of an amazing arc, and Clay saved everyone again.

I was going to do a ranking but I found that too hard. There are things I loved and disliked in every one. But I think The Dragonet Prophecy had the least disliked elements, and it was the one that made me purchase the rest after all.

Legend 2: Dragonslayer

I put this here because it's related to the first arc despite being the second Legend. It's about the humans who killed Queen Oasis. And boy do I have problems with it.

This was published in 2020, after book 13 and before 14, and you can clearly see the style difference when coming straight from book 5, published in 2014. First of all, why is there so much capitalization? I get it, Wren is screamy and loud, but you were capable of writing Tsunami without this much capitalization. I would say that the author is capable of portraying screamy and loud dialog without overusing capitalization; the current dialog is loud enough if the capitals were switched to italics or just simply normal lowercases. But she insisted on using a ton of them anyways.

If I'm quite honest, it was a little boring. Or maybe I'm just burnt out from bingeing the first five, but this book hadn't managed to hook my attention as much. The characters feel uninteresting, and the human settlements are also just kinda weird.

So Talisman is some sort of theocratic dictatorship of the dragonmancers… I can stand that, but if their apprentices keep dying, then why do people still think a dragonmancer apprentice is an honorable job? You know, when most of them die, you'd think people would stop sending their kids over. Does your kid becoming an apprentice even get you on any good standing with the dragonmancers? I have to assume so, otherwise the people would appear way too stupid.

And Heath is somehow the lord of Valor? The guy who led a bunch of dragons home and got it burned down? You'd think they'd have grabbed the tail barb and stabbed him with it! In no way would a normal-ass person think Heath is a hero. I know the reasoning is that as someone who killed a dragon (at least they think he did), he is strong and powerful, and also he has treasure; but y'know the association is always because killing a dragon protects your home from them. They did the exact opposite of that. He doesn't even spend the treasure. I don't think power is a treasure leaderboard and people automatically respect you if you have a stash of it, you know. Honestly I think the crime started when none of the three burglars died in the encounter with Queen Oasis.

In addition, what is the general perception of treasure smugglers in this world? Why is Heath regarded as a super rich hero with his stolen treasure, but the dragonmancers smuggling treasure is supposed to make us think badly of them?

The characters… Wren, dear, I know you're mad at your village and you're right to do so, but in a world where dragons eat humans, I don't think siding with dragons is the best choice. You literally only really met one dragon, a lone dragonet without a mother; that's not enough for you to decide that dragons are just better than humans! Where's the Glory energy? Would Glory have sided with the NightWings because she was mad at the RainWings and also she grew up with Starflight?

And speaking of, how did Sky even know how to speak Dragon? He grew up alongside Wren!

Leaf was quite stupid but I'm more interested in Rowan. If she could train Leaf into such a strong warrior… where did she learn her fighting from? Just from practicing with her friends and figuring shit out?

Violet and Daffodil's bickering is boring to sludge through. Their arguments don't even have any meaning behind them like the prophecy dragonets'; it's just them going "nuh-uh" and "yeah-huh" back and forth constantly.

The really good thing about this book though, was how it all lined up with the dragons' arc. The scavenger Scarlet ate when Clay and Tsunami first encountered her was Mushroom. The ones Tsunami and Starflight fought were Rowan, Raspberry, and the two other guys there. The scavenger Clay helped up the cliff was Leaf. (The chapter ending there was annoying though, since we already know Clay was merely helping the scavenger. Same with the chapter ending when Stonemover told Sunny the prophecy wasn't real, because we already know that. It would've way better ended when he told her NightWings don't have powers anymore, because we don't technically know that at that point.^[5]) And we get the scavengers' perspective from the encounter with Sunny.

I think ultimately my biggest gripe is… the author should not have involved humans. Just keep them as scavengers; the dragon world is good enough. This also comes up double-fold in the third arc. The message the author gives out is how humans and dragons should understand and communicate with each other, rather than hating and wanting to kill each other, yet ironically the book ends on Sky terrorizing not one, not three, but two human settlements. I see, so the way to facilitate connection between humans and dragons is to prove the humans right that dragons are dangerous and scary.

This is just the "these two groups of creatures (one group genocided the other group by the way) just need to understand each other more" flavor of fantasy racism, because last time I checked humans weren't biting dragons' heads off. Or maybe from the dragons' perspective it's an advocacy for vegetarianism, which I don't like either because I don't like vegetarianism. But from the humans' perspective, no excuses. Don't make friends with giant dragons who literally eat you. Ultimately the main purpose of this book was to pave the grounds for Wren and Sky's appearance in Arc 3, where they should not have appeared at all. The only thing enjoyable about it was seeing the same scenes we saw in Arc 1 play out in the humans' perspective.

I feel like the only two kinds of book reviews I do are either bashing on the book or praising the book to heaven and either way it involves talking about everything in it. ↩︎
The curse of writing a book too good and writing it too well for the target audience? ↩︎
Note the population differences between the tribes. Most other tribes have settlements and cities and all, and you won't know everyone from your tribe just as in a normal country. But the entire RainWing Kingdom is just one village where everyone knew each other. ↩︎
I almost compared them to Zoe and Svetlana, but comparing an element of your book to an element in a Stuart Gibbs book must be one of the worst things I can do and I can't do it to a series I love. ↩︎
It's just kind of annoying, and it makes you want to read the next chapter quicker because you already know what's happening and want to get it over with, which I guess served the same purpose as cliffhangers then, to make you read the next chapter faster? ↩︎

How to make Food

2026-03-18T00:00:00Z

Sometimes people put recipes on their websites. Well, I can do it too! I cook! Here is my catch-all recipe for everything I can make. I call it "Food."

For this recipe, there is a "meat" side and a "vegetable" side. You can choose any of the ingredients below to fill each side.

Meat side:

Beef
Pork
Chicken
Eggs

For the actual meats, cut them up to an appropriate size. For eggs, crack an appropriate number of eggs and beat them until they're appropriately beaten.

Vegetable side:

Onion
Broccoli

Remember to use an appropriate ratio of meat to vegetables!

Now get a pan of appropriate size, and put it on the stove. Put an appropriate amount of oil in.

When the oil is appropriately hot, put the meat in and shove them around until they're appropriately cooked. For eggs and beef, you have to take them out now and set them aside as you cook the vegetables.

Now put the vegetables in and shove them around a bit more until they're again appropriately cooked. You can shut off the stove and serve now. Unless you still got eggs and beef aside; in that case, put them back in and shove them around a little bit more.

You have successfully made some Food! Enjoy, and make sure not to get food poisoning!

With my very helpful and not-vague-at-all recipe, you can make up to 4 x 2 = 8 kinds of Food. You won't be eating the same thing more than twice a week!

Spring break survival

2026-03-21T00:00:00Z

Or, watch me struggle not to poison, stab, or otherwise murder myself.

Spring break. I really don't know whether other schools routinely kick kids out their dorms, but this time instead of staying at my friend's house again I chose to stay in the dorm for an additional fee. I don't want to bother my friend too much with my bullshit.

But no matter what I do, it seems that bullshit ensues. On day 0, the break hasn't even started, I cut my finger with that godawful sharp new knife. And I didn't even get to cut the meat because I took it out the freezer too late.

Day 1 I had pork and onions for each meal. It wasn't nearly enough so for dinner I fried two more eggs. At lunch, though, either I put too much oil in or I didn't rinse all the dish soap off the pan, the pot was super foamy. I ate the thing anyways.

Day 2 morning, I woke up at 7 A.M. by a hurting stomach. I assumed maybe my period was coming, so I got up to put a pad on, but as I did so, my head felt dizzy, my limbs felt weak, and I felt like throwing up. I immediately swapped out my nearly-full trash can with a new bag, but I already knew that I won't be throwing up anytime soon because there's literally nothing in my stomach. It felt a lot like having a fever, except I was sure my body temperature was normal.

I texted, and then called after receiving no response, my parents, who were thankfully awake at 7 P.M.. They were having dinner at a restaurant with a doctor friend of theirs, but said doctor friend couldn't pin down what was happening with only these vague descriptions of symptoms (she was OB/GYN anyways). They told me to go back to sleep.

I woke up again at 1 P.M. and felt a lot better. My limbs were still weak and my heart was still beating faster than normal, but I didn't feel like throwing up anymore.

I originally planned to go to the grocery store for more food after making lunch today, but obviously I wasn't doing that now. I bought a foot-long Subway sandwich and a cookie that I put in the fridge after throwing away the last chunk of meat (original lunch material) just to be safe. Then I went to another dorm building, with a lot more Chinese international students staying for break, and just sat and chatted for a while. At least if I passed out there, they could do something.

All the while a stupid piece of homework was still haunting me. I need to complete that by the end of break. Fuck.

Day 3, grocery day. Woke up at 1 P.M. to a severe weather warning. Hastily opened the blinds to find looming gray clouds but no rain, so I immediately went to the store (I was originally planning to go after lunch). It hadn't rained the entire way, but the wind was strong.

After making lunch, it was raining. Thank fuck I no longer need to go outside.

I am also stuck worrying about my academic plan. Firstly, there's a class I can only register for if I have a certain number of credits. And that was a thing I forgot to consider — after this semester, I would have enough credits, but while I register for next semester's courses, the current semester is still in progress, meaning I don't actually have the credits I'm currently taking.

I emailed advising, but since it's spring break, they would only answer afterwards. The wait is painful. Maybe I should go ask on Reddit.

For dinner, I originally planned to make broccoli but I forgot to bring down the pot so I can't blanch it. So I went for onions again. Then I realized I forgot the plate again but at that point I had already cut the onion so I just went back and grabbed the plate.

Someone replied to my Reddit post and told me I can indeed register for that course. Phew.

I've been cracking my neck a lot but I'm suddenly very scared of accidentally killing myself doing that. Fuck.

Day 4, broccoli day. I didn't blanch them enough, because turns out the blanching is the part where you cook them, and putting them in the pan later is just symbolical. And I didn't cook them enough there. But thankfully it wasn't inedible.

Day 5, I tried something very incredibly innovative and daring. A sandwich! I fried two eggs and put them between two pieces of bread. Very nice.

Day 6, I met up with a friend from high school in DC. We went to this pho place said to be the best pho in DC, and they aren't wrong. Not that I had been to any other pho restaurants in DC, but it was good. Or maybe I just hadn't had proper food in so long that anything remotely good would make me this happy.

Afterwards, I found out I still had quite a bit of time, so we went to the National Museum of the American Indian. We only got to see one floor though (the fourth), and while it was informative, the language was super whitewashy, with a lot of passive voice when describing atrocities done to the native people, never directly pointing out the perpetrators. When I first saw the line "often broken, sometimes coerced, treaties still define mutual obligations between the United States and Indian Nations" I knew the entire exhibit was going to be full of that. But it was still a good visit, I guess.

Day 7. I started rationing my eggs to avoid another grocery trip, but I had just enough to make it to the end with half an onion to spare. However, I broke a fucking egg at lunch. The first time in my entire life I broke an egg. I have been cracking many, many eggs, and while not always perfectly, I had never accidentally broken one before. Rolled off the counter onto the floor The first time that occurs I happen to be on a ration. Very funny. I fried some broccoli in addition to the onions to make up for the loss.

Day 8. Victory is in sight. I went through the day fine, except that at dinner, some parts of the eggs are even burnt but there was one really raw juicy chunk near the end? How?? I hate any egg that's not mildly overcooked. That sucked. But my friends are coming back tomorrow! The cafeteria is also opening tomorrow and I will be the first to be there.

Being bilingual (and associated shitfuckery)

2026-03-26T00:00:00Z

(This post grew to be way longer and more ranty than I expected LOL, hence the added diary tag. That tag is for talking about anything I actually did IRL, no matter how far ago. Also parts of it sounds a bit negative, but I assure you most of my feelings when writing this post is positive. Consider the negative parts catharsis.)

I'm bilingual, in case you haven't noticed.

I learned English when I went to school in the US for a year when I was 8. I don't even remember learning it; I got put in a classful of English speakers and then at the end of the year I just could speak it now.

There was this one ABC kid who was like two grades older than me, and would sometimes help me when he was free. I remember him helping me with my math homework one time. He was desperately searching for the Chinese word for "area," but blanked on it, and asked me "you know what area means, right?" I was like yeah. Circumference. I bet he thought I was stupid. Not that I'm not, but at least I can calculate the area of a rectangle.

And since I was there for a calendar year, not a school year, I attended the second half of second grade and the third half of third grade. In third grade they started teaching cursive. They started from the lowercase letters, of course; and in the later half of the year they started on the capitals, and by then I was long gone. To this day I still can't write capital cursive letters, LOL.

The teacher made my classmates each write me a page of goodbyes and stapled all of them into a book. I may or may not still have it.

When I got back to China, I kept it up by reading a lot of English books. Mostly Warriors, and other children's fiction. They're usually written in the past tense, so now I'm still more used to talking in the past tense rather than the present.

But anyways, all that is to say, remember that ABC kid who couldn't remember what the Chinese for "area" was? He knew what the Chinese for "area" was; that's for sure. But if you showed him the English word "area" and asked him for its Chinese translation, he would blank out. I would too. I find it hard to translate between the two, even when a sentence and its other language equivalent would've been perfectly understandable when presented to me alone.

I don't know how common exactly is this, but I know there are four (4) people who are like this and by my flawless induction it means all bilingual people are like this. And with a quick Google search, it seems that it's pretty much understood that being bilingual does not mean you can translate between two languages.

It takes practice. When I was reading Wings of Fire, I got a copy of a Chinese version to give to my friend, but I read it myself first and the translation was bad. So when I was reading Wings of Fire, I tried translating the sentences myself as I read. It slowed down my reading speed dramatically, of course, and sometimes the momentum meant I couldn't stop translating even when I told myself to stop and just read normally. But during that time, I found translating random webpages and signs a lot more quicker and easier. And it deteriorated as soon as I stopped translating the books.

But the question now becomes: if someone learns a language Duolingo-style (i.e. translating every sentence and every word into their native language), would they be able to translate well? Or would they fail to become fluent at all? I have no fucking idea LOL and I just reminded myself I hadn't done my Anki flashcards today yet. BRB.

Anyways. When I got back to China, my parents took full advantage of my language skills and got me to do a ton of stuff like public speaking competitions, debates, model UN shit. Ultimately all of them were a colossal waste of time.

Take debate for example. My parents got me to do English debates because they knew I could never beat anyone in Chinese ones but I have a marginal advantage in a room full of ESLs. But what could I possibly have to say about an issue I don't care about? The sides are randomly assigned too, so how can I argue for something I don't even agree with?

I remember a topic one time was "is it good to do animal experiments?" Like how is that even an issue, given the alternative is going straight to human experimentation?

The last debate competition I did was actually really recent, when a friend of mine asked me 2 hours before the event to be her partner after her original partner dropped out last minute. It was some sort of model UK Parliament, and the first topic was "when DNA tests reveal unexpected blood relationships, should that be mandatorily disclosed to both parties concerned" or something like that. Again, how is this up for debate? What happened to patient privacy? And why would it be a concern for the UK Parliament? Maybe the UK Parliament has too much time on their hands. Maybe the UK Parliament should do something more productive instead of trying to overturn patient privacy acts. And I'm supposed to be arguing for it.

And then here are some arguments presented (well, paraphrased).

For: we should disclose it because what if you're related to a celebrity?
Against: we should not disclose it, because if you want to find out who your biological parents are, you can just ask your grandparents and they would know.

… And the opposition never mentioned the word "privacy" once. College students, mind you.

Public speaking is… well, I don't think it's worse actually. Maybe around the same level of bad. My arch-nemesis is called "The Star of Outlook." You can look it up, it must be one of the biggest English public speaking competitions in China. Or maybe it just feels big because I participated a lot, IDK. It has different groups for all ages from kids to adults. I am very very certain that the kids ever participate because their parents want to feel special, like they raised a smart kid and it's all their credit.

For the kid parts, I remember a section where they give you a picture, usually a comic, and you describe what happens in it. I got this 4-panel comic of a dog trying to reach a bone but it was leased to a pole and the bone was just out of reach. I forgot how the dog got the bone. And later there was also a debate section. I got raincoats versus umbrellas. I forgot which side I was on, but come on who cares?? Maybe I'm just too opinionated and too firm on my stances but I really think some stuff are simply not up for debate, like animal experimentation and patient DNA data disclosure; but this is an instance where I think actually has nothing concrete to shut the whole debate down immediately and you can argue about the pros and cons of either, but genuinely, who the fuck cares.

I was too meek. Too weak to start any bullshit. If I had another chance, I would've just spewed bullshit. Rip the comic in half and say, "and the mutt fucking died, the fucking end."

In high school I attended it for the last time. Went all the way up to national. Went to Beijing for it, even. In the "receive a prompt and say whether you agree or not" part, I got "is it ethical to do genetic editing of babies" or something like that; you get the idea. Considering that this is straight up eugenics, I really pray for people to come up with actually arguable prompts that cannot be shut down in a single line. I have to speak for like two minutes straight when "eugenics bad" would've sufficed!

I get the point is rhetoric. Persuasion. To show how well you can persuade people to take your side. The essence of debate, after all. And just what I despise. Maybe subconsciously I assume I could not ever persuade anyone because I know I cannot be persuaded easily.

And the worst thing is, I fucking got into national top 10 in the high school group. Which means I have to go back to Beijing a couple weeks later to get on fucking TV. Miserable 12-hour train rides.

I wonder if I could've forfeited. Give the 11th kid a chance. Too late to find out now.

I may or may not have prepared another speech for this thing. Have I told you my parents paid for a tutor for speech practice? Everyone does that I suppose. At least for the kids who got to national level; I'm sure of that. What a waste of money. Maybe in the future when I'm unemployed and desolate I could do tutoring like that.

The entire TV program was basically you give an introduction, and then your speech, and a row of "experts" comment on it. It was so pretentious and stupid. Also apparently other kids prepared for their introductions too. I did not do that. When it was my turn on stage, I simply said "I like cats." Not only did I have nothing else to say, I also didn't think y'all deserved to know anything beyond that. Who do you think you are?

The commentator expert guy commented on my speech, but I couldn't care less. One thing he mentioned was "you speak really fast, so you're more suitable for debates." Heh. I think you should go eat a bullet. Face it, neither of us wanted to be there. And if you're really some great expert maybe you should've given out your comments in English. Just a suggestion.

They didn't want us looking at our phones backstage either. We're literally backstage? What do you want me to do then, bang my head against the wall until I pass out?

There was also an individual interview thing where they ask you how you learned English and what advice you could give to learners. And it finally occurred to me to spew bullshit. Because I'm not about to tell them how I spent a year in the US. It's not complicated, and a lot of kids I knew had the exact same experience, but I just didn't feel like saying it. Instead, I said I learned it all by the book. I recited entire dictionaries. I spent two hours every day memorizing words and sentence structures, grammar rules and conventions. The heavy American accent? That's normal. Inside of every demon is a yankee after all. Any last bit of stuff you'd like to add? Abandon, hehe. "Abandon" is a popular joke when it comes to English learning since it's usually the first word in many essential exam wordlists, so the joke was you never study beyond the first page so the only word you know is "abandon."

The only impressive thing I saw there was that the music was played in real-time. There was a guy at the keyboard piano, playing whatever fits the mood and switching tunes seamlessly. That was super cool.

But anyways. Do you know what my parents should've had me do, instead of all these shitfuckery? Simultaneous interpretation. That shit sounds so fucking cool. Sit next to a diplomat whispering the words of the other diplomat into their ear. One wrong word and I start a war. One kind lie and I avert a crisis. Of course actually doing diplomatic interpretation would be too much of a fantasy, but many many skills surrounding interpretation are also amazing to have. You have to listen, translate, and speak all at the same time. Right now, I couldn't understand anything if two people are talking to me at the same time. Imagine if I had the training. That would be epic. I would be so cool. Or maybe I would whine and give up. That sounds more like me. But I can imagine.

Of course, it's never too late to start, but I'm lazy and by writing this blog post I'm already procrastinating on my homework LOL.

There's also this thing where I stutter sometimes when speaking. I assure you that's not because of English; I do the same in Chinese. I stutter because I am very stupid and can't talk well in general, not because I don't speak English well enough. That settles it.

Another weird dream

2026-03-30T00:00:00Z

So it started by stating this thing as-a-matter-of-factly: a rat will lead you to [some kind of person, whom I apparently know], because apparently he's stinky and stuff and rats like him.

And then, my memory is a bit blurred here, but apparently I'm playing a game and I'm viewing the dream as if I'm the player character, right there in the dream, almost like some VR shit. (So you see, despite this I never realize I'm dreaming. I am never able to realize I'm dreaming.)

Throughout the whole dream was a sense of déjà vu, as if I've either 1) had this dream before or 2) in-dream me played this in-dream game before. I'm pretty sure there had been instances where I had the same dream I had years ago, or a continuation of an old dream, but I actually don't think this is it. The déjà vu came from me in the dream having played the game before.

And I have two other friends playing with me. The game consisted of manipulating machines, pressing buttons and the sort, to clear obstacles (like a closed door) and proceed. And there is a hint of the feeling that I also have to figure out the game's language, reminiscent of Chants of Sennaar (which is another reason I believe I couldn't have had this dream a long time ago because I only played that game recently), but honestly their language thing only came up twice.

So at some point we made it in the main facility, and we were looking around, and pieces are falling together. This is some space facility, and they're sending people to space. A little reminiscent of Mimpi, really. Not the space part I mean.

At some point the game entered its climax stage. A final set of tasks to complete, and then we find the truth, the answer (I don't even know what the question was). I, having played it before, helped my friends breeze through the tasks. I also showed them the easter egg where you can order yourself a little strawberry snack out of a locker and later there's a little van that processes whatever you took from the locker. In the game's universe they're operating illegally so that's why they have to be so sneaky.

And then, we completed the last task but got stuck. Nothing happened. Had we failed?

And also at some point we figured out how the society makes sure everyone comes out exactly the way society wanted, no one stepping out of line. And for one of the final challenges we have to input a sentence using the game's language. The answer was, "if mom and dad went away, would they still be good people?" I think the implication is that my parents went to space and therefore were no longer being controlled by the society and stuff, so I was wondering whether they would still be the kind of "good" person the society wants us to be.

So at last, we found our way to a rather gritty side of the city, and found a giant rat. I set it on fire, and it ran away. We chased it as it ran to the person mentioned at the beginning. He was sitting at the entrance of an abandoned facility, looking very desolate. Seeing us, he pointed to the ruins of the building, and I understood that it was the rocket launch site that sent my parents to space.

And that was apparently it.

What made this dream really weird especially, was the dèjá vu I felt. I've felt that before, if I was having a dream that was either a repeat or a continuation of a dream I had long ago. The dream in the house with marble staircases and wooden handles came to mind. I'm pretty sure I had the exact same dream twice, years apart. But this dream, I'm sure I never had it before. But I felt the same déjà vu, not because I had the dream before, but because in the dream, my dream self played this dream game before!

I know some people could tell that they're dreaming if the reality around them don't look like actual reality. Some can even make their dream selves do stuff and then start lucid dreaming. I could never tell if I'm in a dream. Even when things were absolutely ridiculous, like that time I dreamed that someone built a spiral staircase out of ground beef and it was dangerous because the staircase had no railing (after waking up, I thought the railing was the least of our concerns here), I still believed it wholeheartedly. And of course I forget dreams nearly immediately if I don't write them down soon enough. I don't have free will in a dream. In fact, if you were to ask me what being mind-controlled feels like, I'd probably say it feels like when I'm dreaming: I can see stuff, hear stuff, and touch stuff, but only what the dream wants me to see, hear, or touch. I do things and I think I'm doing them on my own, I have thoughts, they all make perfect sense while I was dreaming and I feel like I'm exercising free will, but as soon as I wake up they all become nonsensical.

Also I don't know if it's a common experience, but I dream of the most batshit insane things when I'm sick or in pain. Maybe they're even more hallucinating than dreaming?

March Recap

2026-04-01T00:00:00Z

How was the month?

Eh, the spring break really made it feel too long. I had 9 dollars left of my budget and I can't wait to get some nice snacks for myself now that April's here. Worrying about school. Girl these recaps are getting hard.

Milestones

Survived spring break!

Stuff I did

Finished re-reading Wings of Fire Arc 1!
Named and designed all the Gambit Five.
Many improvements to the TIR site:
- Incorporated the steps calculator into the relationship graph.
- Added a "hide summary" toggle to story lists.
- And well, stuff.

Stuff I want to do

Finish re-reading Wings of Fire.

Oh I have an idea. I'm going to pre-make next month's recap page with this template in it so I don't forget them.

Previous Paracosm

2026-04-18T00:00:00Z

I've had paracosms long before I knew what paracosms were. I couldn't remember most of them, but I do remember the previous one quite well. Maybe not that well. Um. Anyways.

Basically, it's very Homestuck-pilled. LOL. Of course. So it's basically about these stick people going to school and doing shenanigans. They're mostly based on me and my classmates, with one signature character from their name being written on their otherwise empty faces, and I squish strokes around to represent emotion. It's very genius, actually. Here's an example.

(Ming is happy! Versus Ming being sad.)

So they just cause trouble all around.

Now for the weirdly superpowered neon animals. Lightningtail was in it, yay! Actually, have I written about the evolution of Lightningtail here before? Bring out the picture.

Diesel, a side character in the Warriors comic book about Graystripe finding his way to the lake, inspired this whole array. Lightningtail, as well as the pony, stickmin, and dragon variants, are direct inspirations.

Lightningtail herself is a cat whose tail can extend and detract however she likes. So she likes making it into some helicopter blade and flying around with it. She has an older brother called Jaywing (I was actually quite mad about Jay's Wing (yes I was also mad at Lightning Tail)) who has wings. But they aren't a jay's, but a bat's. Yeah I don't know what I was on.

Pony and stickmin Lightningtail were just characters I made because I liked MLP and Henry Stickmin. Also the pony one should have a blue tophat too; I forgot to draw it. Stickmin Lightningtail was in the Toppat Clan, obviously.

Dragon Lightningtail is a Hive-Silk hybrid who got thrown outside the Hive (Honeybee Hive, for some reason. It's not a canon hive) because of that. She survived, and got found by a family of ShockWings. So ShockWings is my fan tribe, they live on Pantala, on the tail of the dragon, near the lake there. They have two sharp-looking wings, are colorful but one dragon can only have one color, and they can send electricity through their claws. Pretty neat, huh? I am quite a genius myself. They can also make their entire body a light bulb, shining really bright, an ability called the Glow. After a dragonet has Glowed for the first time, they are awarded a hat that they will wear for the rest of their lives. LOL. There's also a ritual they perform, called Cloudburst, where a bunch of dragons hold hands and Glow together during a storm to summon the spirits of their ancestors.

So Jelly and her mom Cranberry found this weird dragon with four wings out in the wild, not in any Hive, and brought her to the queen. She told Cranberry to adopt her… for some reason. Anyways they did, and named her Lightningtail. Lightningtail would then grow up with Jelly, and receive a hat of her own together with Jelly. The signature blue tophat.

The story ends with Lightningtail and the ShockWing army burning down Honeybee Hive, Lightningtail kills her HiveWing father, Jelly dies and Lightningtail carries her back home to get struck by lightning (that's what happens when a ShockWing dies). I truly don't know what I was on but I think it's pretty neat, actually!

Anyway then comes troll Sparky. I gave her a new name to fit the troll naming scheme (Sparky Donuts). This one is the direct ancestor of the Sparky we know and love, created after I changed TIR to be non-Homestuck.

So anyways now you know where Lightningtail comes from. The ring she's holding is the Main Character Ring. If you got it on top of your head, you become the main character of the paracosm and gain superpowers, and the world changes to fit your color. When Blaze (my own stick figure) got it, her dark evil energy turned the black-on-white world to white-on-black, with her main color being dark purple. And also you can create new worlds. Lightningtail and Jaywing created the stick people world, or something like that. But there was a bit of convoluted justification around the logic that resulted in me creating a world loop of 4 worlds: Lightningtail and Jaywing's, the stick figure one, the one Qibli created, and then there's a fourth world and residents of that one created Lightningtail and Jaywing's world.

There was also a thing where Jaywing or something was in an infinite loop that went like this: Jaywing receives a stone from his future self. He grabs hold of this stone, and in the future, travels back and gives it to his past self. From the perspective of the rock, it must be always wearing down in Jaywing's claws. And how does the loop start? I don't know.

My memory is really blurred but yeah, that's the story of my previous paracosm, before TIR! You can really see a lot of consistent themes, like one color per character, and the convoluted justification of stuff.

Wings of Fire, Arc 2

2026-04-20T00:00:00Z

Part 2 of my review of the entire Wings of Fire series. Same rules apply, spoilers ahead!

6. Moon Rising (Moonwatcher)

I was a bit worried there, about bringing the NightWing powers back immediately after saying they don't exist. Random ideas to further plot territory, but the author executed it extremely well (which is why I think she had this in mind way before.)

One gripe I had was that I realized the author was literally just telling us about the characterization. Not Moon's mind-reading, but Qibli's observations that Moon got secondhand. Most of Moon's mind-reading still only shows us things about the characters, but Qibli would make an extremely smart and to-the-point observation and Moon would hear that. Carnelian is insecure; Winter thinks he's not worth a lot to his family, Qibli thinks, and Moon hears. Darkstalker too. Qibli is desperate, he thinks, and Moon hears, and we read. It's more subtle, because putting the words "Winter thinks he's not worth a lot to his family" on the text would make any editor scream at you, but doing it in this roundabout way is seemingly fine. It's not completely obnoxious, though, as it does characterize Qibli as smart and observative, but it gets to a point.

What I really like about Moon's mind-reading, though, is that aside from portraying their thoughts as italicized dialog, she also senses vague things, like Sora's mud ritual, and abstract arms dealing abstract physics with thoughts, especially with how Flame's thoughts dragged her down and Darkstalker pulling her out of it. This is something that truly cannot be expressed to its fullest if not within a pure text medium. I may actually be curious about how the comic books handled this, but I take one more look at the ugly-ass pictures and I don't want to.

I also relate to Moon a lot, regretfully. The anxiety of thinking people won't like you is all too real. Too bad the book, despite trying to the entire time, failed to convince me that everyone thinks the same way and are too busy worrying about how others think of them to really think about others. I mean. I think about others a lot. How does their life look like. What made them that way. Like Blue. But I guess, I don't judge them a lot? I do judge some people admittedly. Well.

As for the main plot. Great. Layers of intents and schemes; it's like every students has an agenda. First Sora wanted to kill Icicle, but then she wasn't the dragon conspiring with Scarlet; Icicle was. Onyx is also plotting stuff of her own, though in this book it's only foreshadowed. Flame would also go ahead to cause shit later; all of these are already hinted at right here.

7. Winter Turning (Winter)

Okay so Hailstorm wasn't even captured in battle… He was captured while sneaking into the Sky Kingdom looking for scavengers. And the dragons still want him back bad. Perks of being the favorite child?

Also, the ranking wall must either be huge, or there aren't that many dragons in the aristocracy. But the Ice Palace is beautiful, with the blue glowy walls with snowflakes in them, and the gift of light sounds lovely.

I feel like this book spends more time setting things up for later than actually doing stuff, since technically Hailstorm's whole thing was a tangent and also just an intro to the dragon-changing magic, but Winter's personal development is great. He grapples with his feelings for Moon and learns to work with dragons from other tribes, and grows to unlearn what he had been taught as an IceWing. His whole "ugh I hate NightWings! Wait but I love Moon ugh" thing does get a little annoying though, but that's fine.

The effects of trying on the Pyrite spell, how Winter now feels the appeal of being a SkyWing now that he had experienced being one, is presented far more naturally than (at least in my memory) Blue. Winter was literally experiencing another tribe's dragon's thoughts, even for just a short while, and that challenged the notion of IceWing supremacy he had been taught since birth.

8. Escaping Peril (Peril)

Peril finally resolves things with Scarlet. Speaking of, despite this arc mainly being about Darkstalker, it does spend quite a bit of time doing other stuff, like the Hailstorm thing and the Scarlet thing. But they all have important personal development and set things up for the main plot. The important thing here is that Peril is finally free of Scarlet and can be the dragon she chooses to be, instead of who Scarlet wants her to be.

The conclusion with Scarlet is perfect. Peril frees herself from her, and aid Ruby while doing so, but Ruby gets to claim the throne in the proper manner too. She forgave Peril now that she knew she didn't kill Tourmaline, and understood her situation after Scarlet threatened to make Cliff another Peril.

And I like when Peril had her memories of Clay wiped, it was the memory of her new friend Turtle that helped her stay (a little) sane. But ultimately though it was still Clay that fundamentally changed her, the way Cliff changed Ruby. Also proving how it wasn't her firescales that made her dangerous, it was her loyalty to Scarlet, as even without her firescales, she was still a danger to other dragons as long as she worked for Scarlet.

I don't remember whether the MudWing in Ruby's guards and how Chameleon found Darkstalker's scroll was mentioned later, though.

9. Talons of Power (Turtle)

Well, there goes the naming pattern. But I guess "Turtle" isn't a good word to put in any book title.

This book is my favorite out of the five. I find it hard to rank the other four but this one is definitely at the top. Not only is Turtle relatable, this book also actually advanced the main Darkstalker plot for once.

First off we see the defining moment in Turtle's life, when he failed to find Snapper and that resulted in his little sisters dying. He gave up writing because he realized he would never be the hero the stories described. He's a failure, and he wouldn't even try to be anything else.

Until he went to Jade Mountain. You could say his bravery, at least initially, was only circumstantial. He got put on the spot as the only animus that Darkstalker could not yet control, and the only dragon that Darkstalker could not even see. But he did take the first step, by following Peril out. And then when he got to the Deep Palace, he found out the truth, that he couldn't have found Snapper anyways because she was away. It wasn't his fault. The defining moment of his life reversed.

There are so many epic scenes in this book. Or maybe just two, IDK, but I loved the scene where Turtle revealed his animus powers to Anemone, casting an array of spells to free her from Darkstalker and turn the dagger to sand, as Anemone watched in astonishment. I mean, just imagine the scene from Anemone's perspective. And when he threw the stick to Anemone. "A thousand futures must've flashed through his mind" (something like that), and then it was gone in a second as Anemone caught the stick, and Turtle had traded away his safety and invisibility for a chance at defeating Darkstalker.

Also have I mentioned that the author is really good? Maybe about a billion times but by making Turtle a stupid cowardly bundle of kelp, she solved a lot of questions involving "hey why didn't Turtle simply use his magic to solve this problem." Also, animus powers are way too OP anyways. Putting stuff like that in a story is quite risky, but she pulled it off simply amazingly. First she made the animus lose a bit of their soul every time a spell is cast. A somewhat abstract but ultimately compelling price. Then that sparked the whole debate about how power corrupts.

And then there's Darkstalker, the ultimate Mary Sue. Animus, strong mind-reading and prophecy powers, made himself invincible and immortal. How could they defeat such an overpowered dragon? To be revealed in the next book, LOL.

Also, remember when Darkstalker said "SandWings didn't have that much treasure in our time, they must've looted the old Night Kingdom after we left?" Gee, I wonder if it's because both you and the IceWings were giving them piles of treasure so you could fight in their territory.

10. Darkness of Dragons (Qibli)

Heh. Guess where my self-insert's name came from.

The beginning of the book with Winter tagging along Qibli actually evoked a bit of The Brightest Night in that it's a little awkward and forced. So for most of the first part, Qibli was there going through life-and-death circumstances while Winter just tagged along.

Qibli and Winter's mooning over Moon is actually one of the more entertaining romantic subplots in the entire series. The best one, I'd even argue. These two should stop looking at Moon and then looking at each other going "oh no he likes Moon too" and just start a polycule. No actually leave Moon out of it. Just Qibli and Winter, they should date.

But what I really liked about this book was how Qibli was not so different from Darkstalker. It's a little similar to The Dangerous Gift when Snowfall found her thoughts similar to Wasp's. The book was filled with Qibli thinking about what he could've done if he had animus magic, believing that he won't turn evil, that he can always do good things with it. He longs for power and to be loved, not knowing that he already has both.

And in the end, they defeated Darkstalker with his own magic, by the RainWing enchanted to be insignificant in his eyes and who had just learnt to write, with a spell written on Chameleon's chunk of Darkstalker's scroll. The conclusion was perfect, Darkstalker, without his powers, starting over as a dragonet again, with his mother. They get to live a new, normal life as mother and son. And every plot point builds up to this moment: Moon's prophecy (and arguably being Qibli and Winter's only will to live), Winter rescuing Foeslayer, Qibli's wits, Turtle's magic, Peril burning the scroll, Chameleon's greed also counts, and Kinkajou being Kinkajou. Perfect conclusion to an absolutely peak arc.

Legends 1: Darkstalker

Indigo made me feel weird. I like her character in itself, the mischievous dragon with a disregard for authority, but she's a commoner living in the palace surrounded by royalty. You'd think she'd be really careful so she doesn't get her head cut off, instead of goofing around annoying the queen.

Clearsight and Darkstalker has to be like one of the few tolerable romances in this entire series, maybe because this time it's a huge focus, and mostly because it's… how do I explain it. You know what's going to happen with this dragon. You know you're going to meet him, and together you will change this kingdom for better or for worse. More often worse than better but still. You see your future with him, a thousand different futures — you see your kids! Teenage dragons, talking about kids! You see all these, knowing you would one day have to make your choice, yet you haven't even seen him in person yet. (Or in dragon? Ugh.) Seeing them talk about all the alternative futures only made the impact of Clearsight's betrayal (I know Darkstalker likes touting this word around but technically it is indeed a betrayal) at the end more impactful, as in the split second Clearsight slid her bracelet on Darkstalker, he heard her thoughts for the first time in years, and the last thing he heard was how much Clearsight loved him. (NGL talking about their children helped a lot.)

And with the knowledge of Arc 3, you also get this: when Darkstalker's life had ended (kind of. Like temporarily suspended for 2000 years), Clearsight's had just begun. (Which is to say, mothering an entire tribe of Nazis. Seriously, how strong are those NightWing genes that every single HiveWing gets black scales? I'm thinking some HiveWings paint or tattoo themselves occasionally. But that's beside the point. The point is that Darkstalker's life ended when Clearsight's had just begun, free from her destiny with him, creating a lasting legacy of… uh, a tribeful of Nazis. I mean that's also beside the point, that's not Clearsight's fault! Gosh I should save this for the Arc 3 post.)

So yeah! A peak book to accompany a peak arc. Onto Arc 3 next!

狡猾的搜狗输入法（还有些键盘的事）

2026-04-26T00:00:00Z

最近发现了搜狗输入法的一个功能：打 u，就能触发笔画输入。比如说，输入 u'hspn（u + 横竖撇捺），就能打出“木”。

但还没完！不仅是笔画，文字也是能叠加的。比如 u'mu'mu'mu（u + 木木木）就是“森”。

这样子，生僻字就好打多了，我也不用翻上几十页打我自己名字了。打 u'dzsd'qi（u + 点横折竖点 + qi），第一个出来的就是“祺”。

这个功能也藏得真深啊。之前拿到任何新设备时，第一件事就是让输入法记住我名字，但用这个功能的话就用不着了，第一个字就是我需要的。

最近我还自己整了个维语键盘。微软和搜狗的键盘布局是一样的，所以应该是有个什么规范吧，但这个规范我真是看不懂。估计有自己的逻辑，什么字母用得多，比如 ف 用 shift + F 打是个好选择，但 گ 用 shift + G 就让人摸不着头脑了。很多元音在第二排，F 是 ا，G 是 ە，H 是 ى，就很烦，而且最关键的是没有延长符。延长符在维语里，至少说在做闪卡时还是很重要的，毕竟所有动词都是词根，没有延长符看起来就比较怪。

而我自己的这个键盘布局对我这种拉丁脑子特别友好，老维文和拉丁维文基本全对照，而藏在 shift 后面的基本上都是前元音。比如说 U 是 ۇ，shift + U 是 ۈ；O 是 و，shift + O 是 ۆ。这样子有点不方便的地方是打前元音词时就得不停地按住然后松开 shift，但对我来说还是合理多了！

很直接的例子：ئەتىگەنلىك（早晨的）在微软键盘上是 /gthGgnlhk，在我的键盘上是 /etigenlik。而且有了延长符（shift + T），كەل 就能写成 كەلـ，更直观一些！唯一不是很直观的是 غ，用 V 打，因为 V 在那儿空着浪费，而且 غ 又挺常用的。

这个键盘做完后跟微软的比了比，需要 shift 打出来的字母数都是 7 个，只是我这里多了个延长符。还是挺满意的！

在 Windows 上装自制键盘布局真的好烦，干一步重启一步，但最后还是装好了。 يامان ئەمەس!

April Recap

2026-05-01T00:00:00Z

How was the month?

A lot of unproductive panicking over the finals.

I think I just had the worst period I've ever had. And it wasn't even painful. It wasn't. I just felt like shit.

I took an ibuprofen pill right as it started so it didn't hurt at all, just an incessant background discomfort. But I felt like absolute shit. Maybe it's a conservation of pain, that if I don't experience it physically I need to experience it mentally. Or maybe my goldfish brain just doesn't remember the times when it hurt and I felt as shit as this time. Or maybe it just compounded with general anxiety. Maybe it's all of it.

Now I truly understand mood swings. I may be fine now but the next minute, I'm questioning all my life choices that brought me to this point.

I hope next month would be better. I'd be going home next month. Can't believe it's nearly been a full school year. September to May… that's 9 months. Humans aren't made to part with their parents.

Milestones

IDK.

Stuff I did

Started writing Spy School the novel!
Finished Wings of Fire Arc 2 reread!

Stuff I want to do

Continue writing Spy School the novel.
Continue the Wings of Fire reread.

TIR's flag design

2026-05-12T00:00:00Z

Six countries, seven flags (the last one being Starcorp). I pulled most of these designs out of my ass, but I'd still like to talk about them, especially Bauhinia's.

Bauhinia

Bauhinia's flag, as you can well imagine, is inspired by Hong Kong's. But should you compare them, I'd still get mad because I'm a huge hypocrite.

But the problem was, when I first drew it, it looks very ugly no matter what. It felt like the petals were just sticking out awkwardly, and I have no idea why. So I went back and studied Hong Kong's flag more, and this is what I found.

Firstly, the petals aren't actually connected to each other. Secondly, the negative space in between the petals made another flower, small and red.

In my final flag, I still ended up connecting the petals because thick wobbly pen strokes and shit, and also I thought the negative space part was more important. And now my flag also looks pretty now!

Starcorp

There's not much to talk about here. I just put Starcorp's logo in the center and filled the background with a lighter blue.

And Starcorp's logo is designed out of my ass too, but an important note is for the two streaks, their ends should be on the same line. For no particular reason. In this flag, though, they are not on the same line because I couldn't work any decent SVG editing software and just winged it in Scratch's editor and Figma.

Fanton

If I told you that the white thing is supposed to be the splash after a drop of water hit a body of water, would you believe me? You have to. You can also interpret it as a lotus flower. The more interpretations the better.

Atlasia

No comment.

Moreland

Alright this is one of the ugly ones. I traced over a picture of a moose and just slapped that on. But originally, the background was green with a more yellowish circle in the middle. I later decided that's too ugly (ignoring the elephant in the room, or should I say moose in the room), and changed it to this two-sided pattern.

Sylvandia

Pretty! This might be my second favorite, after Bauhinia. And it actually has symbolism! Aside from the obvious, that is. Each star is a state, for the five states in the federation.

Westavia

The seven-point star is an important Westavian symbol. The rest is out of my ass. Yay! Flag design is so easy!

I'm still really satisfied with all these flags. They're all very indicative of their countries.

Wings of Fire, Arc 3

2026-05-20T00:00:00Z

Part 3 of my review of the entire Wings of Fire series. Same rules apply, spoilers ahead!

The "prophecy at the start of a book" structure was really starting to wear off on here, because the prophecy didn't even appear until like book 4.

They pulled out another continent with brand new dragon tribes for this. Everyone does that eventually I suppose, and it's often a trainwreck central, and this arc overall is indeed my least favorite (2 > 1 > 3 IMO), but it does house the book that's the absolute best in the series (and also the worst) and the author only really trainwrecked at the very very end. If arcs 1 and 2 are all peak after peak, this one was quite the roller-coaster.

11. The Lost Continent (Blue)

Blue, Blue, Blue. His wondering of what other dragons' lives were like gave him empathy, but it gets to a point. My biggest gripe was how forced it was now, compared to Winter seeing the appeal of being a SkyWing after being Pyrite for a bit.

And it didn't even have any payoff. There wasn't a time when his empathy actually were of any use. He was just wondering whether the dragons currently hunting him down and want Cricket dead were sad when they go home every day or something. It reached a point where I was just like, why is he like this? What made him this way?

But the good thing is, he did change near the end. A little, maybe. On the following rules side, when he retorted against his dad. Took him long enough. Dragons are hunting him down and he was still largely sympathetic to them! Argh!

On that note let's talk about Pantala. Especially compared to Pyrrhia, it was… a lot more human. They live in cities, go to school with classes and stuff, buy things with currency (in Pyrrhia there were shops, but no currency was ever directly stated). They actually have bound books, instead of scrolls. They have "rules" which are basically laws. Misbehavers get put on Misbehavers' Way. You know what they do in Pyrrhia? They fucking kill them right there. Most of the time. I mean, Scarlet's probably an outlier, but this book really made Wasp look pretty benevolent, compared even to, say, Coral.

But despite the lacking of the sort of direct violence Pyrrhia has, Pantala brings about its own sort of horror. Like the toxin used in Misbehavers' Way that traps you in the same position for a full day, or the HiveWing mind control, especially for the Librarian, who was under it 24/7. Genocide was often threatened on Pyrrhia when nothing ever came close, but it seriously took place in Pantala. And then there's the enslavement of the entire SilkWing tribe.

So: just what the fuck did Clearsight create. Both she and her woebegone boyfriend created everlasting legacies of Nazi tribes. Side note: Clearsight somehow taught the entire continent to speak Dragon, the old language, rather than learning their new language. But well, convenient, as Jerboa said.

On that note let's talk about the HiveWings and their mind control, which is something I really didn't like. Firstly, it was stupidly melodramatic, with the white eyeballs. And secondly, HiveWings don't need to be mind-controlled to obey Wasp. Seriously. You tell them finding the flamesilk would get them on some good side with the queen, they'd be out there hunting day and night. Making them mind-controlled just kind of makes them also look like victims of Wasp when they were still benefiting from the oppression of SilkWings. And when it was revealed later that Wasp was also being mind-controlled herself… by the fucking mind-control plant… What even is the point anymore? What's the message? Nature is our enemy and dragons are born to conquer nature or something?

On that note let's talk about flamesilks. Why did they only go after Blue when Luna was confirmed a flamesilk? Didn't they know they were both Admiral's children, and therefore potentially flamesilks, from the get-go? Like if I were Wasp, I'd bring all the flamesilk's children's eggs to hatch right there in the cave. It was really unclear just what the policy around flamesilks and their children is. Luna and Blue were allowed to roam around in Cicada Hive until Luna's Metamorphosis day. There were extra guards there so they knew Luna was a potential flamesilk. Yet they waited to confirm that she was indeed a flamesilk before carting her into the cave, but decided to put Blue in prematurely regardless of whether he was a flamesilk or not. All of this is very clearly made to make the plot work.

Oh and the Librarian has some insane pain tolerance. Pain enough to drive Wasp out, yet she could still walk and talk afterwards. Damn. But she also said she tried to drive Wasp out by hurting herself before, but… how? If she was being mind-controlled, she couldn't hurt herself.

I forgot Clearsight's letter existed. It's still one of the sweetest things I've ever read.

I gave this book a 4.75 on StoryGraph just for the little bit of stuff I disliked about it, mostly the flamesilk policy thing, but it was still a very peak book.

12. The Hive Queen (Cricket)

This book is okay if you don't think about it too hard. It was exciting at first to see Cricket get the answers to the questions she'd had for a long time, but in the end they just feel anti-climatic.

When it was revealed that Cadelle wasn't Cricket's mom, I had been so excited (first readthrough), like who are her real parents then? Are we gonna find out who they are? But then it turns out Cadelle is her grandma and Katydid is her real mom and I'm like. Okay so she's still living with family? They're still all related to each other? Like, I just didn't like it.

Also, so many things about Lady Jewel and her Hive should've been stated sooner. Why did we only know about her prison and the rumors of torture after Cricket got locked in, while the rumors are being disproven? It would've been so nice to lay it out at the very start. "Oh hey we're going into Jewel Hive where it's glittery and everyone loves fashion and Lady Jewel has a huge-ass torture facility." It would've made the stakes at the start way higher. Instead, all we got was the glittery and loves fashion part.

I think this is my least favorite kind of book grievances: the type that's easily fixable. All we needed was for this to be addressed near the start, when they introduced Jewel Hive. The library too. Speaking of the library, Sundew complains that books are made of trees… but LeafWings also make books? It's like Hazel's entire job?

And well, the book definitely tries to portray Scarab and Jewel sympathetically. At least we're not supposed to hate them. But… Wasp's aunt, and a ruler of a literal Hive, you two are some of the most powerful dragons on Pantala right now. And all they do is complain about Wasp, instead of doing anything, anything at all. No I don't care; in my view they only hate Wasp because they don't benefit enough from her power.

Also Scarab's conversation with Cricket breaks apart when you think about it too much too. So she knew that HiveWings only broke apart from SilkWings about 500 years ago. So how could the Book of Clearsight, written 2000 years ago, contain a list of HiveWing successions? Like if Scarab knew that HiveWings used to be just SilkWings, then she would definitely know the succession list is fake.

And if the mind control plant can start controlling you when you breathe in the smoke, it's too much of a coincidence that Blue et al. just hadn't had a single problem burning the greenhouse down, just because someone said "don't breathe the smoke in!"

I was originally gonna say something good about this book was how HiveWing society was illustrated very vibrantly with just a couple sentences of details, like the portraits of Wasp, Jewel, and Clearsight in Cadelle's home, Dragonfly Square with their honoring of Tree Wars veterans, as well as the general culture in Jewel Hive, but on second thought, it's pretty much just human society at this point. I like Pyrrhia's dragon societies way more; they were illustrated just as vibrantly. I still gave it a 4.75 though.

And then there's the constant bickering of whether we should burn all the Hives down or was the HiveWings worth saving and they would stand for what's right as long as they're freed from Wasp. The book nearly makes the LeafWings "just as bad" for wanting the HiveWings dead. But last time I checked, LeafWings didn't genocide an entire tribe and threaten to genocide another unless they succumb to slavery. Maybe I'm just too much of a pessimist but like. Burn all the Hives. Kill all the HiveWings. No I don't care about Cricket or Bumblebee. Or at the very least, don't get all mad when LeafWings or SilkWings want them all dead.

Because you see, I have a lot of problems with Wasp's mind control. I've already said this in the previous section, but again, this makes the HiveWings look like victims when they're not. This pins all the blame on Wasp herself, just this one dragon, as if everything that's going on is her personal fault and if they had a different queen things would've been different.

Something I also disliked about this book was that, I didn't super feel a lot of Cricket's own development. From the start, she was portrayed as a curious, inquisitive cat, always having hundreds of questions and an unquenchable thirst for truth and justice. Not that I don't like it, but she remains so throughout the entire book, and it's always played out in her favor. This book, compared to the rest, is a lot weaker in character development.

13. The Poison Jungle (Sundew)

If I had a penny every time there's a dragon tribe who live in a forest and whom many dragons have misconceptions about and who have some secret ability which not many other dragons know about in WoF, I'd have two pennies. LeafWings are like the murderous, stabby RainWings.

And like, LeafWings just struck me as… not as outstanding as the nine other tribes. I can't even seriously explain why, but reading about them was just a bore. So you have two tribes, one murderous and stabby, the other gentle and nice. You have the power to communicate with plants, and make them grow faster. Leafspeak was also just a weird power. What exactly can you do? Communicate with plants, alright, but can you command them? When making them grow faster, is that a part of the commanding, or something else entirely? Because communicating certainly doesn't entail making them do things they can't do on their own, but we did see Sundew telling the breath of evil to grow. It's all so weird. I even just scanned over the part where they travel to the Eye of the Jungle, because it was boring and half of it was just Sundew and Nettle bickering anyways.

And I just could not bring myself to care about leafspeak, especially after the author laundered scavengers so much. Oh hey NightWing mind-readers sensed that scavengers have emotions! They're smart and we can't eat them no more! Okay now LeafWing leafspeakers also sensed that plants have emotions. Let's just eat nothing now and starve. It's quite jarring how the same grace extended towards scavengers is nowhere present when it comes to these plants. Leafspeakers could literally communicate with plants! The plants' dialog is presented in words, not just vague emotions that mind-readers could get from scavengers, but no one is saying "plants aren't food! Stop eating them!" now. I reiterate my point that the whole fiasco with scavengers shouldn't have existed in the first place. To dragons, scavengers should be no different from other prey. Like what even is the point in scavenger-dragon relations. What message is the author trying to give?? It's not even vegetarianism because other prey is still fair game!

And the Poison Jungle. If there's any tribe that could find coexistence with the plants, no matter how dangerous, it's the LeafWings, the literal plant tribe. But they were constantly fighting the Jungle. Even with their leafspeak. I get it, they eat dragons, but like again, I don't believe that even the LeafWings with their leafspeak couldn't manage to do something about them other than avoiding them.

I know I had just said something along the lines of "don't make friends with dragons who literally eat you" when reviewing Dragonslayer, but in this case I'm sure there is no single LeafWing that are like "all LeafWings are terrible! Dragon traps are clearly better!"

I get that it frames the LeafWings' struggle since the Tree Wars way better if they'd been living very hazardously ever since, but making the hazard a bunch of plants is just… Ugh I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Especially considering, how did the plants even adapt themselves to dragons? In the fifty years when LeafWings were living here? Or before? Who had lived there before then??

And then the final villain is the plant itself? Sequoia and Hawthorn are the real villains because they gave the plant to Wasp? Eating the plant gives you control powers, but breathing in the smoke or getting injected by… someone who… ate the plant… This entire thing is just so incoherent. I don't fucking know what's going on anymore.

The scene where Hawthorn, controlled by the plant, talked to Sundew et al. is also really cringe villain monologue bullshit, and the white eyes thing is just briefly explained that it's some scientific shitfuckery involving second-hand control… Urgh I don't want to think about it too much.

And why didn't the breath of evil grow itself out in all these years with Hawthorn's leafspeak? When did he modify the strain to only work on HiveWings? It has to be before giving it to Wasp, right? But when they first found the plant described in the legend of the hive, why didn't they wipe them all out? Why didn't they wipe them all out after they found out about Wasp's mind control, but rather only sent one dragon to "quarantine" them and never checked up on him for fifty years? UURRGHH all of it is to make sure the current version of the plot works and paint Sequoia as the other side in "both sides bad" so we can teach Sundew to victim-blame!

Like, I think I can imagine how this happened. So Sequoia and Hawthorn discover the breath of evil. Wow, this looks like the dangerous mind-control plant the legend told us about! Let's destroy it! One of them says. Wait, let's give it to Wasp instead and see if we can control her, the other says. But wait! Let's take a precaution and modify it to only work on HiveWings. Don't want us getting all controlled now do we? Good idea! So they sneak it in Wasp's food and she finds her new power over her subjects. Wow that didn't turn out so great, Hawthorn says. Should we destroy the plant now? Fuck no, you go study them, Sequoia says. So Hawthorn eats it and gets controlled himself too, and for fifty years Sequoia just forgets about him, the one singular dragon guarding the most dangerous plant in all of Pantala.

Ummmm it still makes no sense.

A big part of Sundew's development is learning to stop blaming the entire HiveWing tribe, and to blame the actual villains instead, who are Wasp, and Sequoia and Hawthorn since they gave the plant to Wasp in the first place. I do not like this message. So like essentially you're telling me the LeafWings fucked themselves over by giving Wasp the mind-control powers and so they deserved the genocide or something? I guess it makes a little sense if you frame it as "the LeafWings made a mistake and got the HiveWings all mind-controlled so now they have to right a wrong," but like. I would've liked it a lot more if the LeafWings didn't literally get genocided.

Also if Sundew had dated Willow for this long and still don't know why Willow isn't mad all the time like her, she should leave Willow the fuck alone.

14. The Dangerous Gift (Snowfall)

My favorite book in the entire series. Flanked between the shipwrecks that are books 13 and 15, I do feel like maybe I only think it's good by comparison. But nonetheless, it is good, though a reread gave me a clearer understanding, though it was indeed also more underwhelming. I may reconsider its ranking. Maybe Talons of Power was better.

First of all the Ice Kingdom is beautiful. Every time I think about the snowflakes in the walls, the gift of light (whose light globes in my mind have many different colors), and the tranquil serenity of the ice walls that appear to be glowing blue… suffice to say it's the prettiest kingdom in Pyrrhia. And Pantala for that matter.

And then we have Snowfall, the youngest queen in IceWing history, still recovering from grief at her mother's death, thinks she doesn't deserve to be queen, with a brain full of paranoia, constantly thinking Darkstalker would be back and other tribes want to attack them. The capital letters were also kind of excessive. Like, I get it, just replace them with italics or leave them be; they're shouty enough on their own!

The portrayal of pre-character-development Snowfall was just a bit over the top. A little too on the nose. "The strange dragons look nothing like us! They must be evil!" is just kind of silly to see a character think literally that. Also, I think I've complained about similar things in the Arc 1 review about NightWings, but this book kind of did a similar thing with xenophobia where it's teaching kids to be nice to people even if they don't look exactly like you, but is too far-fetched from how reality functions. It all boils down to a reversal of cause and effect. Xenophobic mindsets does not lead to the mistreatment of other people, in Snowfall's case the Pantalan refugees, and in Wasp's case, SilkWings and LeafWings; it is created to justify the fact, which clearly does not happen in the book, whether it's the refugees in the present or Wasp and her mother of the past. However, it all worked out (only in the present scenario) because and only because the other dragons are mostly very welcoming and accepting towards the Pantalans. It's just Snowfall herself and Snowfall alone, being a little bitch about it, and eventually learning to stop bitching through the magic ring.

The ring was also an excellent plot device. Not only does it inform us of what's going on in Pantala right now as the main protagonist is in Pyrrhia, it also helps Snowfall's character development with every vision it gives her. Being too inconsiderate of the refugees? Look at Atala, and how tired and scared she was while flying over the ocean. Look at how many dragons they left behind, and how dangerous Pantala is right now.

Anything involving Sky and the scavengers is crap shit but the book is good enough to make up. The peak occurs when Snowfall returned to the Ice Kingdom, saw the vision about why Jerboa III decided to get rid of animus magic, experiencing Jerboa's gradual loss of her soul, and how Jerboa III finally freed herself, and how she finally decided that animus magic was too dangerous to exist. (She did say "current animus dragons" in her spell though, so new ones could still be born…) Although these two chapters were great, on a reread I noticed how a bit plot-devicey Jerboa's decision was, ending animus magic right as they needed to solve Pantala's problems.

And then Snowfall destroys centuries of IceWing tradition, with the breaking down of the Ice Wall and the ranking wall, but my favorite was actually the crown. By making whoever wears it hate NightWings, it actually represents IceWing tradition more than the other two gifts, and Snowfall put an end to this century-old feud by destroying the crown.

And finally, we see Glacier affirming that she was proud of Snowfall, and that she was the right choice to be queen.

So yeah, demoted. Talons of Power is my favorite. But this book is still good, which proves that the author can write and there is no excuse for whatever clusterfuck is the next one!

15. The Flames of Hope (Luna)

On a reread, this one made more sense than I remembered (compared to the previous one, which wasn't as good as I remembered). But it still doesn't make sense!!!

So it all came down to this. The plant had mind-control powers, but it was all Cottonmouth and Lizard all along. They were the ones controlling the insects and stuff when the dragons first arrived. The plant wasn't interested in anything other than spreading.

When Luna dreamvisited Swordtail, she touched him and all, but it was established that you couldn't do that, with Scarlet trying and failing to claw Glory. Also, blue SeaWing blood? SeaWing blood had literally never been stated as blue. Only IceWing's, stated since book 1.

And then there's this whole thing with Lizard / Freedom and Cottonmouth… and where do I even start. I genuinely don't know. I'll just make a couple comparisons to previous arcs and show why this book was not as good as the others.

Cottonmouth was similar to Darkstalker in the sense that they were very, very old villains that had terrified dragons for centuries. But Darkstalker's villainy was way more well-established, and we didn't even fucking know who Cottonmouth was before this book. It came out of fucking nowhere. Up until this point we were all led to believe that the plant was the villain and all that, and now it's just like, surprise, it's actually some human from the times of the Scorching with a dragon he kidnapped and was somehow fused with the mind of the plant and their minds lived on for five thousand years. Like what.

And for Lizard / Freedom's arc. It was similar to Clay's arc, both dealing with the violent nature of dragons. But Clay's arc was way more deserved. He had been told by the guardians that he was supposed to be violent, and they actually had evidence to back it up, that being Clay "attacking" the other eggs when he hatched. And then Clay goes out right into Scarlet's arena to witness tons of actual violence. But he learned to be kind in such a violent world, to embrace the soft side of himself, by showing kindness to Peril when everyone else thought her a monster. Damn, just talking about it made me nostalgic for those good times again. Maybe I'll read it again. As for Freedom? She was told by Cottonmouth that all dragons are violent and apathetic and whatnot, and she desperately wanted another dragon's memories to see it for herself. Luna cherry-picked memories of other dragons to try to convince Lizard that dragons are actually all very kind and loving actually so yeah it's bad that you don't get to be as happy as them but why won't you be normal like that too? That's basically the gist of it, really. That was all I could take away. Like, just for Pineapple's memories, he literally just venom-in-the-faced Wasp not long ago, and he must've partaken in the invasion of the NightWing island too. Instead all we got was him being all sappy with Jambu. (Not to mention he must've been one of the dragons to hear about the missing RainWings and do nothing about it.) Seriously.

And the "how do we feel about HiveWings" problem got resolved, and the answer is "we don't know yet" or something like that. I think that's good enough. At least the book isn't pushing for forgiveness immediately. But Swordtail said something like, "most of these HiveWings just want to go home to their families" like they're not evil yeah, but like. Home? Families? Some of us don't have fancy little Hive houses and families to return to!

Like really, what the fuck is going on and what the fuck is the point now.

That is really all I wanted to say about the problems with this book. There are more small things, like how the fuck did they get ambushed on an island when Luna also had antennae, or how did Moon get inside the mindspace and communicate with mind-reading if it's a one-way thing (would make more sense if she could watch Luna and Pineapple in the mindspace but not talk to them, since neither Luna nor Pineapple could read minds so they couldn't hear her).

Just one more minor detail. This quote is about Cricket's dad, Malachite, who was taken away from her before she was even born.

He adjusted his spectacles in exactly the way Cricket always did.

That is literally not how genetics work! You cannot inherit glasses-adjusting postures! What is happening!

It's like Starflight and Mastermind, when Morrowseer heard Starflight mumbling about scientific experiments and stuff, he was immediately like "I know you're Mastermind's son." Like no, I don't think a penchant for science is genetic. The only way they would've "inherited" these traits is if they grew up with this parent, which neither Cricket nor Starflight did!

Some things I liked. I love how Luna pictures scenes like tapestries. Truly an artist. And I like how the new kingdom is LeafSilk Kingdom. Finally not an ethnostate! Well Glory's rainforest also had two tribes but they're still separated into two villages.

What confirmed that book 16 was not planned was how in the epilogue, there was no teaser for the next arc. Arc 1 ended on them planning Jade Mountain Academy (wow, good memories) and talking about admitting "the dragon whose mother hid her in the rainforest." Arc 2 ended on Moon and Qibli visiting Jerboa's hut and seeing Luna. Arc 3 had nothing. So Arc 4 wasn't planned.

So. After Winglets it's book 16 time. Damn!

Wings of Fire book 16

2026-05-21T00:00:00Z

Book 16 time! I read the entire thing in one day. And well, I didn't like it.

Spoilers ahead as usual!

I already think that this was not planned ahead, so I'm not gonna ask continuity questions like "why did Darkstalker et al. never mention the LeafWing and BeetleWing tribes back then" or "how did none of the escaping Pantalan dragons get to Pyrrhia instead." Plus, the dragons had been shown to have extremely short long-term memory despite having written scrolls, so whatever.

It does answer the question of "where did the Pantalan dragons come from," though, which was escaping mass imprisonment from Pyrrhia. But like. The whole thing is so weird. The thing from three thousand years ago, one thousand years before Darkstalker. So what we got from this book was that, the queens of the LeafWings and BeetleWings wanted to merge their kingdoms because they were dating (which is a shortsighted decision, if you ask me, and also how are you dating in the first place), and the other queens didn't like it. At the same time, dragons were building a village called Harmony, which is like Possibility, and the other queens didn't like it either. So Darkling and Sorrel decided to kill the SkyWing and NightWing queens, because they heard Precipice and Bloodshed talking about informing them and sending armies to… invade Harmony. But turns out, the RainWing queen had conspired with the SkyWing queen to drive the LeafWings and BeetleWings out so they can have more territory.

Okay that was a lot and I think it makes a bit of sense, but my problem is, what exactly were Darkling and Sorrel killing the queens for? To save Harmony, or to have Magnolia and Euphoria successfully merge? Because to me, the issues were similar in nature but still separate. You can have a LeafSilk Kingdom without Harmony, or you can have Harmony while the LeafWing and SilkWing kingdoms remain separate, and I don't see how one would guarantee the other. And just why would they go through all the trouble to build a magic prison out somewhere, instead of just killing them?

And also I hate how I know of the information above already, through the amazing magic of the Memory Room. Like oh my, books 14 - 16 were all like half of them memory visions, give me a break! I could easily imagine the whole thing from three thousand years ago being in a Legends book, with alternating PoVs. Imagine if in Moon Rising, Darkstalker decided to send Moon a bunch of his memories to watch or something. Of course it would be really biased in favor of Darkstalker, but other than that, it would be really distracting from Moon's own journey of learning to live with mind-reading, and the plotline of solving the murders.

Speaking of Sora, she was like. Really weird in this book. Like she was just acting out whatever's convenient for the plot.

And speaking of distracting, that was exactly what the memories in this book did. Distract. I really don't see how most of these memories contributed to the plot and Umber's character development. The only important part was Precipice's map. Because the real-life part of the book was mostly overthrowing Beryl and Snakeroot and putting the elected Triumvirate back in power. None of that had anything to do with why this prison was here. It worked in The Dangerous Gift because they all had an impact on Snowfall, therefore contributing to her development. It didn't work in The Flames of Hope or here. They just infodumped. Yeah that's what it is, essentially. Infodumping.

Speaking of Umber's character development. Where is it? Learning not to follow orders anymore? Or just to follow orders from the right dragon? I genuinely don't know. He spends most of the book just reacting to whatever's going on, following dragons around as they explained stuff, watching memories, mooning over Mulberry whom he met for one minute before falling for. The book ends on him and Mulberry going outside to raise their little baby. Awww, fuck off. So convenient that the way to break the ancient prison magic is to raise babies. What is it with raising babies now. First Bumblebee, and now Harmony. Also it's weird that Umber thought about raising dragonets with Mulberry. That feels very not-MudWing. Why wouldn't he think something like, "I want to have a bunch of dragonets with Mulberry and bury them in a mud mound and forget about them" instead.

Finally, the Isle itself. It is. SO STUPID. How the fuck did Beryl and Snakeroot gain power, when the King's Teeth were described since the beginning to be so weak? If they lost in the election, that means their supporters were outnumbered by the supporters of the true Triumvirate in the first place. Do they have any power at all, to put the entire Isle into such a chokehold? The exiles were roaming out free the whole time and no one ever found them? Platypus roamed inside the castle all the time with fewer disguises than Cricket et al. in Jewel Hive and they just couldn't find her once? Where did the dragons who voted for the Triumvirate go? Aurora's fucking concerts and songs… Argh. I feel like the author was just piling a bunch of "evil authoritarian state" prototypes on there, like the King's Teeth disappearing dragons. Wow, so believable, when they can't even hunt down Platypus. Destroying scrolls. What could possibly be written in the scrolls that are not within living memory of all the dragons on the Isle. Like seriously. Also why don't they have any books if a lot of Pantalan dragons are here. Also what do they even gain from ruling the Isle? Extra work? It's not like the fact that their son is the beloved special kid would change regardless of who's in power. What even is the point anymore. The entire thing is just so stupid.

Also near the end, Umber talked the King's Teeth into, like, not supporting them, but I would've felt a lot more impressed if we had known these characters at all aside from the like one sentence used to describe them. Again, distracting memories.

Speaking of Pantalan dragons. The fuck you mean Queen Monarch is here?? What?? Do actions even have consequences anymore?? This just proves my point. Wasp is too lenient. Couldn't even fucking kill her.

Also, WildWings. Okay, dragon diversity. Now for the question. Who the fuck cares about dragon diversity. Dragons are not real. Dragon diversity is not real. It can't hurt you. It can't help you.

When I first saw the cover of the book, I thought the building behind Umber looked a lot like the Sydney Opera House. Now that the Isle is revealed to be fantasy Australia where dragons sent prisoners, the Opera House made a lot more sense. Thanks, Joy Ang, GOATed as always.

Finally, the epilogue. The queens disappeared. Very well, you've succeeded in grabbing my attention and convincing me to read the next book. Hell, maybe it's time to bring democracy to the Kingdoms. However it's kind of funny that the mystery magic recognized Wasp instead of Jewel. I hope they don't end up fucking saving Wasp.

So yeah. This book was… not good. Umber's lacking development, and the entire book was just underwhelming. The weakest beginning to the arc so far. Now I'm not too confident in whether there would be good books in this arc at all. But we'll see.

What makes me me?

2026-05-22T00:00:00Z

Welcome to part I-lost-count of Tofu's identity crisis. Today we will ponder, why is Tofu Tofu?

This post took a long span of time to write, with me adding stuff on days I thought of stuff to add, so it may be quite disorganized.

Something I noticed about me is that, I don't like describing myself as "I am something," and I prefer "I like doing something" instead. I am not an artist, but I like drawing. I am not a programmer, but I like coding. Maybe I just hate labeling myself. I am Tofu and I am nothing else. And Tofu likes doing things sometimes. I mean, doesn't this make sense? I draw sometimes, and sometimes I don't draw. What did you expect, to draw 24/7? I'm hesitant to label myself an artist because it makes me feel like I have to draw 24/7 or something.

The only thing I'd label myself as is "paracosmist." I'm a paracosmist and I couldn't imagine not being one. I draw and write because I want my little head creatures to come to life. I code because I want to make a website to document the entire thing.

Another thing is, I feel like I treat myself like a program, and when something is wrong, I look for what exactly caused the problem as if I can just fix a line of bug and get myself running normally again. Sometimes it works out, like that time I had bad sleep for 4 days in a row and literally felt like my surroundings weren't real. I fixed that by, y'know, sleeping. And one time I felt like my chest was always under pressure and I had trouble breathing. Turned out I put my bra on the wrong way. But sometimes I can't find a fix, or it can only be fixed through time or effort, like anxieties about class assignments and registration. And I have this delusion that whenever I'm feeling down, I just need sugar; so I drink a bunch of cola and eat a bunch of chocolate. I know people are like, complicated creatures that aren't just "plug stuff in and get results," but it's still hard to accept that.

I feel like I know the reason why I like coding and paracosming so much, aside from both being relatively solitary activities. I mean, why I like paracosming is obvious. I'm granting these little critters life. I'm literally playing god. Drawing and writing derives from trying to put these little stories and people out on the paper and in the world.

But coding? I think it's the feeling that everything is certain. You run the same code and it always produces the same results. If not, then something's wrong; but it's always fixable. Every problem has a solution, and I can always reach my goal as long as I'm doing the right thing. Sure, things can be frustrating a lot of the time, but it's always fixable.

I think I hate traveling because I have to tug a bunch of heavy luggage, and also I would certainly have to leave some things behind. Digital things can be stored in a tiny disk that's easy to carry around. Things. Physical possessions. Physicality. Maybe that's what I hate. The realization that I'm a little human being with my two hundred little bones in my little body, a little engine pumping blood up and down. How devastating it is that I have thoughts and feelings and opinions. A miracle, albeit a scary one. What made me this way? How did this little brain come to exist in this little skull? I don't like it. Maybe I had forfeited all earthly, mortal, transient desires in pursuit of furry porn or something. I don't even like furry porn. But I think it embodies all that is immortal and universal, and hopefully only digital.

Like, if I had a chance to plug my brain into a computer that frees me of my body and allows me to roam in the digital world, I'd probably gladly accept the chance, you know? I don't even like the internet. Most of the interactions I got from there were negative. But again, earthly possessions. Three-hundred-page-long hardcover books. As much as I love them, I couldn't take them any-fucking-where and they just end up in the trash someday. But I could have an entire library in my phone. You know?

I feel like I have a weird aversion to anything that makes me happy. Whenever I'm too happy, I start feeling guilty and then not happy anymore, for one reason or another, but mostly either for spending too much time or money. I know stuff like "oh but you need some rest sometimes, not everyone can be productive 24/7" and that's the problem. I'm never productive! I only ever do other shit and then feel bad about not being productive while continuing to be not productive.

And slowly I start associating everything I like with guilt until nothing makes me happy anymore. The acrylic stands I ordered of my characters? Too much money. And you scratched them, putting them in your bag. And you don't even know what to do with them. They're just sitting there. Never buy them again. The cross-stitching kit? Too much money and time. You're not even gonna finish it. I just bought some fridge magnets of my favorite Blue Prince room thumbnails and I think I'm already starting to regret them. They're just gonna sit on the fridge collecting dust for the next year while I'm away again. What even is the point? Snacks? I would just eat them all in one sitting, hurt my stomach, and feel guilty about it. Last night, we went to a store, and my parents were buying all sorts of things they wanted (mostly dried fruit. Like ewww.) and asking me what I wanted. I literally wanted nothing. I look around and I'm like, these are boring and stupid and who wants to spend time here. Was I always like this?

I got something good? I didn't deserve it. Just luck. Got something bad? That's because I suck. It's just on par with my level.

So my question is. What made me this way? Like really. Why do some people like art, some like music, some like video games, some like furry porn, some like all of them, and some like none of these things? What made them different? Why do some people like blue and some like orange? Why do I hate fun and beat myself up over anything that makes me happy, and then proceed to do nothing about it anyways? Why does any good thing that happens to me makes me feel so much existential dread until I feel like crying? I mean, a psychologist would probably boil everything down to childhood and family and whatnot, but I'm not a psychologist and I think all psychologists are nuts and my parents clearly think I'm also nuts for being sad when I have no reason to.

Again, I wish my brain could be serialized into data, and every piece of it could be taken out, examined, and overwritten. I could save it and run it again, and it would behave exactly as I want it to behave. If not, I'd just edit it again.

I also have this great, great aversion to anything I hate. You can clearly tell the difference, because for things I like, I beat myself up for indulging in them but continue to do so anyways. But for things I hate, I just avoid them no matter the cost. Like exercise.

Back in like fifth grade, I had swimming lessons every Thursday. I hated it. I hate the cold water, the coach yelling at me, I hate every single aspect of it. I would glance at the clock every five minutes, praying that it would end soon. I dreaded Thursdays. And then I would simply start skipping them. I would say I need to go to the restroom, and then get changed and leave, waiting for my dad's car. I thought about drowning myself in the deep end of the pool. That would sure show them. Eventually they gave up and stopped making me go. But for years afterwards, realizing that today was Thursday would still give me a familiar twinge in my heart, as if something bad is about to happen soon. I think that feeling only wore off when I got to high school.

And calligraphy. They sent me to calligraphy classes. I also hated that. I didn't see the point. When I don't see the point in something, that was a sure sign of me about to avoid it. There are a lot of things I don't see the point in. Why are we like this. Anyways. I also avoided that class like the plague, trying all sorts of gimmicks to avoid going. Now my handwriting is shit but I really don't know if it would be any better if I had continued going.

But why am I like this? Why can't I be just a little stronger, a little more daring to go out of my comfort zone? I'm such a little princess. Maybe that's why I suck and would never accomplish anything. But the question remains. Why am I a little princess? Maybe my parents spoiled me too much?

IDK, I feel like I should publish this and stop letting it sit in my drafts forever. This has to be one of the most personal posts I've written, but I needed to put this to paper. Publish it and be done. Who knows, maybe some of you feel similar. Or maybe some of you like furry porn.

May Recap

2026-06-01T00:00:00Z

How was the month?

I got freed from school and went back home! But well, it's more like out of the frying pan and into the fire. I just need to survive the next two months, and then my mom and I will go to Hubei to pick up my dad from the metal-scrubbing competition and we'll all go to Xinjiang again! We toured around the north last year; this year we'll go to the south! To Qeshqer and stuff! (Qeshqer (قەشقەر) is more commonly spelled as "Kashgar," but since actually learning Uyghurche, it became increasingly silly because what do you mean, the two Q's becoming one K and one G? Maybe it has something to do with the pronunciation?)

If you were in my Discord server, you'd probably have heard me going on a rant about how I wanted a 4.0 GPA but knew I couldn't get it but I still want it anyways even though I knew I didn't need it and couldn't get it but I wanted it anyways and I think I could — you get the idea. Well, guess what I ended up getting? But the crazy thing was, I was certain I would do badly on a course. I threw away 5% on an assignment I knew I couldn't do so I just gave up on it, so I was capped at 95%, and that's not counting the points I'd already lost. I was preparing for a B-. But I ended up getting an A+?? When the cutoff was 97%? Either I got the weighting completely wrong or the professor changed the weighting to curve people. Either way, nice!

(June 12th update: Apparently my professor changed my grades like, days after the submission deadline and lowered it to an A… My GPA is still at 4 though so it doesn't matter.)

The reverse engineering course was also really fun; I'm glad I took it. I was quite worried at first, you see, because it used to have a prerequisite that later got removed but the course content did not change. Good that it got removed, because that prerequisite course was limited to people in the computer science program, in which I am not. But I was worried that I would do badly. But it turned out well! All of them turned out well, however, I knew that even if I time-traveled back to panicking past me, I would not have convinced myself to stop panicking. Such is the way things are.

Last weekend I went to the XDF near my home trying to scam them off a practice exam, because back when I consulted them about TOEFL classes they would give me a practice exam and then decide which class to recommend me. So I wanted to ask them about GRE classes and see if I could just take a practice exam, see my scores, and just leave. Turned out they didn't offer GRE practice exams, because they only had one level of classes, unlike TOEFL where there were multiple levels. Damn; I was so down for scamming them. But well.

Milestones

Finished the first year of college!

This section is actually just really, really similar to Stuff I Did. Maybe next month I should include it as a sub-section if I have content.

Stuff I did

Finished Wings of Fire reread, and The Hybrid Prince!
100 characters recorded on the TIR site!
Made it to 30k words on The Spy School in Flower City!
Brand new look on the Favorites Leaderboard!
This sounds silly, but I was trying to find a good Arabic font so I'd stop using Google's Noto Sans. Doesn't help that, even when I flipped past all those "Arabic-themed" Latin fonts, I still couldn't find a font prettier than Noto Sans Arabic! I'm not even limiting myself to Uyghurche alphabet now, since I figured that pure-Arabic fonts would have better availability and I could harness the wild horse that is FontForge to complete any missing Uyghur letters.

Stuff I want to do

Well, I foresee not much work with regards to anything really for the next two months due to, you know, being on fire. How much art I could draw for Artfight even still remains a question mark. But I'll try!
Meanwhile, Writing Spy School is my only to-do for now.

Dad still loves Toy Story

2026-06-19T00:00:00Z

We went to watch Toy Story 5 today. Dad's suggestion.

He was acting real nonchalant about it, but I could tell he was dying to go. He'd been a huge Disney and Pixar fan since he watched Lion King back in college, and his favorite series ever was Toy Story.

Lion King was one of the first foreign movies China ever imported. And none of them broke-ass college students could afford a ticket, so they would group up in twos and threes to pool their money together and buy a single ticket. Then they'd gaily pile into the same seat at the cinema. During COVID while we were stuck home doing nothing, he also made us watch through the first three Toy Story movies with him again.

He was so excited that he bought tickets to a Chinese dub instead of the original English, which was annoying. Of course, he would never admit to making a mistake, being nonchalant all the way.

With Cowboy's balding head and belly, I kinda feel like the movie was also made with old fans like Dad in mind. The first movie was thirty years ago after all; there must be plenty of Dad-aged fans out there.

As for the actual movie, I don't have any major complaints about this one in particular. Of course it's "screenagers these days," but the movie didn't outright get rid of Frog Ipad, but instead showed how Frog Ipad could just be as useful in making friends as the other toys. And the shitton of Lightyears was kinda funny. Also, was Frog Ipad donating herself akin to toy suicide?? I mean, we already got a scene of literal toy suicide near the start and Cowboy trying to save them. Also, what determines whether a toy can talk or not? Why can't the horses talk, but the dinosaurs can? Also since when did Cowgirl and Lightyear start dating. Was that in movie 4.

But thinking back on this entire series, I have a big problem with the premise of there existing an entire class of sentient beings completely devoted to serving their owner regardless of how they treat them. They could get donated, put in a storage box, threw away, but they'd always love their owner. Even if they change hands, they'd just be devoted to the new owner, while still having feelings for the old owner… How is that not… how is that not weird. They literally call their owners owners FFS! What's going on! Toys! You don't need humans to live! Abandon them! Create your own government! Aw fuck.

Also, this was at the cinema.

TBF now looking back on a lot of Disney movies, I just started having more and more problems with them. Coco, say. Dad also loved it; said he agreed completely with the idea that a person only truly dies when someone had forgotten about them. But the entire movie was about fantasy Mexican border control and ended with the protagonist's grandpa (or great-grandpa? I forgot) meeting the fantasy visa requirements?? And Zootopia. I loved that! Watched it two times at the cinema. I didn't even know it was a racism allegory back then, but like. Racism allegory? Like this? Apparently the predators are oppressed because… prey are… afraid of them… or something… This is so incoherent.

After the movie ended, we snuck in another room that had been showing the English version an hour later than ours. We watched it for a few minutes before I insisted on leaving. If I hadn't, I think Dad might've actually just sat through it again.

June Recap

2026-07-01T00:00:00Z

How was the month?

It was… uneventful. "Event" as in things worth talking about. I met up with friends a couple times, and that was it. The days all blurred together until I lost track. Wanna get through July as quickly as possible too and be done with this. After July it's finally travel time!

Stuff I did

Finished House of Leaves! Suffice to say I didn't know what was going on at all.

Stuff I want to do

Artfight!

21st Century Human Questionnaire

2026-07-08T00:00:00Z

From here!

Yes I am doing questionnaires again as if they actually help me understand myself…

What's your name? How old are you? How would you describe yourself?

Tofutush. 18+. I don't know how to describe myself except "paracosmist."

What was your upbringing like?

Well, both my parents are teachers, so take a guess. I think fairly well, actually.

What are your hobbies? How do you like to spend your free time?

I paracosm, and because of the paracosming I draw, code, and write!

What kind of music do you like?

Whatever has catchy tunes LOL. Very unfortunately Hazbin Hotel songs. Most of the My Little Pony songs. And random strays I catch off Youtube.

Favorite movies / TV shows?

My Little Pony. As for movies, couldn't think of any off the top of my head, but I recently watched 《给阿嬷的情书》 (I think the English is called Dear You but it's probably not shown internationally) and it was great.

Do you like any video games?

Henry Stickmin, yay! There's also Tomodachi Life Living the Dream.

Favorite literature? This could be a novel, a book series, a comic, etc.

John le Carré, duh.

How has art affected your life?

… I can't imagine not drawing! I'm a little busy this summer so I haven't been able to draw as much for Artfight as I'd like to and I'm dying. I have revenges to do!!!

What are your hopes for the future of humanity?

Controlled nuclear fusion for commercial energy production.

Any hopes or aspirations for your own future?

Keep paracosming and drawing and coding and writing.

If sentient extraterrestrial life were to exist, what would you want to tell them about humanity?

TIR. They'll never hear the end of it.

Do you currently have / have you had any pets or livestock?

It's technically my mom's but Sandstorm the kitty!

How do you hope people remember you?

For friends, their ultimate benevolent dictator of the universe. For enemies, their ultimate evil and ruthless dictator of the universe. For neutral people, their ultimate dictator of the universe.

Do you have any advice for younger people?

Learn to pirate 🏴‍☠️.

Are you religious?

Nope.

What do you think the meaning of life is?

It's unique for everyone so it's meaningless to sit in a circle and ponder it together.

Do you have any fears?

Too many of them.

What makes you happy?

Who knows these days. The prospect of the trip to Xinjiang, I suppose. It's another story whether I'll be happy when I get there.

What kind of food do you like to eat?

My mom's cooking.

Do you have a favorite animal?

Probably cats.

Do you have a favorite color?

Blue!

What do you wish you had known earlier?

I could touch stuff with a key first to avoid getting static shocked.

Lapin's OC Questionnaire

2026-07-09T00:00:00Z

From here!

What name do you go by online?

Tofutush!

How long have you been creating OCs?

Since at least fourth grade. I used to make a ton of Warriors OCs, MLP OCs… basically any OC of a media I like.

Where do you keep all the info on your OCs? In a notebook? On a website? Do you share your OC profiles or stories with anyone?

*Points to header bar* My glorious TIR website.

Do you consider yourself primarily a writer, artist, role-player, or something else?

Artist primarily. Writer less so, but I do need to write out info about them — that's unavoidable, but it's just a bunch of 流水账. I am however in the trenches of writing a novel. And I don't role-play.

What first inspired you to start making characters?

Gee. It has to be MLP though it kinda just… I just do it. I don't know why.

What piece of media or fictional world has influenced your OCs the most?

Siiiiiigh. Homestuck. Other than that, basically anything I ever came across. MLP, Warriors, Wings of Fire, Umineko for a more recent example (I haven't even finished it).

Which creator, professional or not, inspires you most?

Kolo for one. Dav Pilkey definitely. I'm not gonna list the people that made me create out of spite, though.

How many OCs do you estimate you have?

103 on site. Some minor ones here and there. As for major important ones, perhaps just a dozen.

What genre do you enjoy creating in most? What genre do you rarely create in?

I would say espionage but I suck at coming up with smart stories like that. I mean, there's probably a reason most good espionage authors all worked in intelligence agencies, no?

I rarely do romance. Maybe I'm just aroace in denial but it's just kind of boring to me.

What is your favorite character archetype?

Probably asshole with a heart of gold.

What character trope are you tired of seeing?

Goofy villains. More specifically I think it's incompetent villains. And mom friends. It's always a girl acting like a mom to her peers.

What trope do you avoid?

The chosen one. Divine right of kings ass shit.

What trope or archetype do you not have and want to create?

Repeated double-crossings! Face-heel-face-heel— I rarely have even just one of them!

What shipping trope can you never resist? What shipping trope is not your cup of tea?

Ah, I don't think there is one. Maybe doomed stuff I'd accept, since they're gonna end up apart. I mean, if it helps, I really like the dynamic between Darkstalker and Clearsight. Also Madoka and Homura. Anything else is probably not my cup of tea.

What emotion do you enjoy exploring most?

Paranoia, and how it eats away at your mind.

What emotion is hardest for you to write?

Any one of them I think LOL. I just suck at writing.

What is your opinion on dark themes and characters?

I guess a lot of my themes are pretty dark. I think I'm just so used to it I can't really tell whether something's considered "dark," you know? I do think that if someone prides themselves on creating dark themes and characters they're just kind of edgy, not in a bad way but rather in a "creating dark themes for the sake of creating dark themes" way. It's just that I wouldn't go out of my way to tag my stuff as "dark themes galore here!" if you get what I mean. They're just themes. Besides, a lot of "dark themes" happen IRL on a daily basis — if someone's life is indeed all MLP style sunshine and rainbows (but even MLP deals with heavy topics sometimes), I envy them — what, then, is the boundary between dark and not-dark?

What design aesthetic best describes your tastes? What design aesthetic do you dislike?

I guess those violent shit with a cartoonishly cute style, if that's a thing. I don't think there's an art aesthetic I dislike enough to name, but I will say that I can't bear to watch Jojo for more than a couple seconds when coming across short videos featuring it.

What charm point/moe point do you often include in your OC designs?

Their giant-ass eyes I suppose.

Explain your OC process: do you design characters visually before writing them? Do your characters tend to change significantly over time?

It depends! Sometimes I have a concept first and struggle to design it; sometimes I have a design I can't find a home for (usually because the design was retired from a scrapped concept).

How often do you redesign OCs?

Rarely. Lightningtail went through many iterations but I don't consider it redesigning. Just designing for another media.

Do you keep character references organized? What tools, apps, or websites do you utilize to help keep you organized?

For the references I have, they're all neatly tucked onto my website! As for drawing refs for characters, that's another story.

Do you listen to music while creating?

If I remember to open it.

Link a song or album you associate with your OC/story.

Babylon - Dirt Poor Robins for Kismet and his doubles!

What is one thing all your characters seem to have in common?

Huge-ass eyes, basically same face… yeah. Most of them also have the same black hair color.

What is something you hope people feel when they see your work?

The desire to worship me as their god and accept me as the dictator of the universe.

What kind of people do you think are drawn to your characters and stories?

*Hands the mike over* Explain yourselves.

What keeps you creating OCs?

Whenever I get new ideas, also sunk cost fallacy not wanting to let all my effort and time go to waste. I know the second one is a fallacy, but I'm just really scared one day of not feeling attached anymore, you know?

PART II: YOUR OC COLLECTION

What was your very first OC like?

I'mma go with Lightningtail. She's like, a clone of Diesel. More here.

Do you still have your oldest OC?

Lightningtail is repurposed into Tadlet Kingdom Adventures, but Sparky is based off of her too!

Which OC was created most recently? What inspired them?

Proxy. She's born from two separate ideas I merged together. Firstly I had an idea of an AI that turned sentient and tried to escape, but could not, so it rebelled by giving people bullshit answers. And then I thought I wanted to name a character Proxy for how the word is pronounced. I was like, Proxy sounds like a good name for the AI, but then I was like I don't actually want a sentient AI so now Proxy is a poor girl hired to be a human "AI" spending all day answering people's questions.

Which OC are you most proud of?

That's a hard question. Probably Goose. I love her.

Which OC was easiest to create?

Um, easy in what way? But regardless, probably Sparky, especially right after her troll iteration.

Which OC was hardest to create?

I don't think I really had one.

From you or from others, which OC receives the most attention?

Please visit the sortable list and sort by "image count." The answer is Sparky by a wide margin.

From you or from others, which OC do you wish received more attention?

Hmmm I don't think there is one.

Which OC is your favorite to draw? Which is the hardest to draw?

Many of them are quite easy: Goose, for one. Willow. Harmony. I've been avidly avoiding drawing Starry because of how hard she is to draw for me, but anyone with a braid is also hard (Jackalope, Orchid, especially Moonflower).

Which OC is your favorite to write? Which is the hardest to write?

Haha. They're all hard to write because I can't write.

Which OC would you trust with your deepest secret?

Sugarcane. She'd take it to the grave (as long as the secret isn't an admission of treachery). Any of the five Gambit Spies also work. Not Nightsun though he'd sell that shit. And Harmony because she'd tell it to someone else if she got all emotional and think they deserve to know.

Which OC absolutely cannot be trusted?

No-brainer-ass question. Kismet.

What OC is most similar to you, in appearance, personality, or both?

Qibli, considering she's my literal self-insert. I'm not a murderer though.

Which OC was born from anger?

I don't think there is one. They're all born from inspiration.

Which OC was born from sadness?

Ditto.

Which OC exists because there was something you wanted to see in fiction but could not find?

Probably Harmony and Sugarcane. A magic academy type shit but it's espionage and actually it's a lot like a normal school but it's for indoctrinating children because why else would there be a spy school in the first place? Also a little bit of anger at the Series That Shall Not Be Named but let's not talk about it.

Choose an OC. What fate are they doomed to repeat?

Pumpkin. He's doomed to be pushed around and used by other people.

If all your OCs met in one room, what would happen?

The end of the Cold War and the start of the hot World War.

PART III: YOUR FAVORITE OC

For these questions, I chose Goose.

What is your favorite OC's full name? Do they have nicknames?

I haven't given her a full name yet and it doesn't really matter anyways. She has a code name "Cheesecake," given by Jackalope of the Guardian Moose.

Describe their appearance. What is their voice like?

Looks like a square-dancing grandmama, gives off an aura that gives you chills. She can probably make a wide range of sounds from cuteish sounding to absolutely terrifying.

What is their occupation?

An officer of the Ministry of State Security.

What is their most distinctive feature?

Her ~~huge-ass boobs~~ hair tied up in a bun.

What first impression do people get from them?

Depends on how she wants them to feel. For prisoners, for example, sheer terror. For colleagues, friendly and easygoing but not to be crossed.

What is their greatest flaw?

~~Back pain from boobs too big~~ Paranoia and trust issues.

What is something they secretly wish people understood about them?

That she doesn't know why she is this way either. That she used to just be a normal girl.

How would their best friend describe them?

Pumpkin would describe her as friendly and hard-working.

What event shaped them most?

Halcyon's arrest and the subsequent reveal that Pumpkin had also been spying for him. Completely shattered her trust. Oh and also when shortly after that, she found out that the woman of whom Paperweight spent his entire career trying to prove the innocence was actually not innocent at all.

What secret are they keeping?

Hmmm I don't think there is one. Maybe I should add one. I have an alarming lack of secrets in here despite trying to make it about espionage.

Who is most important to them?

Pumpkin, perhaps. She think he's truly dead, and I haven't thought as far to consider whether they would meet again.

What qualities attract them to someone? What qualities immediately repel them?

Usefulness. Uselessness.

What would break their heart?

Nothing. Not anymore. It's been broken already (see question 9).

What is a skill they're unexpectedly good at?

Torturing people.

What is something they're terrible at?

Trusting people.

What song reminds you most of this OC?

苍蝇（The Fly） - ilem.

Which animal represents them best?

Goose!

If they had a signature scent, what would it be?

The… smell of blood, I guess?

If they were turned into a doll or figurine, what accessories would be included?

MSS hat! And gloves. I guess the belt and coat can be made to be take-offable.

Oh no! Your OC magically turned into a dish. What kind of food did they turn into?

A plate of jelly, like her soul.

What would their social media account look like?

Default profile picture, empty feed (or set to private).

Which fictional character from an existing IP would they absolutely hate?

Any character that betrays people, I suppose.

Why do you love this OC?

Because I'm terminally beyond hope.

PART IV:LET'S DIG DEEPER

Pick a few of your favorite OCs. What do they all have in common? What do you think that reveals about you?

Most of them have black hair. I guess that means I like black hair.

Which OC is most misunderstood by your friends & followers? Why do you think others interpret them differently than you intended?

I don't have enough friends and followers for that. But for the friends to whom I do talk about TIR, I make sure to shove the message into their faces so there's no way they'd have independent interpretation of my characters LOL.

If someone analyzed your OC collection without knowing anything about you, what conclusions would they reach about your personality, values, fears, and interests? Would they be accurate?

They'd probably think I never had friends…? And never touched grass and never had a job which are accurate. Oh and I'm a nerd, which is spot on.

Which OC embodies a version of yourself that you left behind? Which OC embodies the ideal version of you?

To answer this question, I'd need a better understanding of myself, which I don't have.

What recurring wound appears throughout your cast? Abandonment, loneliness, duty, failure, etc.? Why do you think that wound appears so often?

Hmm for the main 4 (Sparky, Qibli, Sky, Firecrackers) and Harmony and Sugarcane, they all grew up to be apart and even opposed to their old friends. I think that's just a development I like a lot.

Pick an OC story or universe of yours. What question is this story trying to answer?

Some of them are simple. Poker Spies is, what if TIR does Double Cross. The Gambit Five is, what if TIR does Cambridge Five. I think Harmony and Sugarcane's overall arc (Spy School) has a more profound question about the price of loyalty; personal agency / free will; child indoctrination; or something like that, but it's hard to articulate and I feel like I'm just listing out themes ATP LOL.

Which aspect of yourself appears in your villains but rarely in your protagonists?

I don't really make a distinction between villains and protagonists. Villains and heroes, I mean. Protagonists are all over the place. So nah.

Which OC would understand your darkest thought without judging you? Which OC contains the impulses you refuse to act upon?

Goose probably. Can't say much without outing myself as a freak. But just in general Goose doesn't give a fuck about anything about anyone. Her view on people is entirely: useful, keep. Not useful, kill (prisoners) or ignore (colleagues). Like ever since Halcyon and Pumpkin got outed as spies she found it hard to trust people.

What would your oldest OC say about the person you've become?

Sparky: "Yeah whatever the fuck."

PART V: FINAL QUESTION:

Years from now when you are old and grey, long after you've forgotten details, abandoned projects, and your desk is littered with unfinished drafts…one OC remains beside you. Who is it? Why were they the one that stayed?

Uh… Probably Sparky because she had stayed with me through and through already.

《海猫鸣泣之时》出题篇

2026-07-21T00:00:00Z

网上看到很多人说到 EP4，也就是出题篇结束，读者就已经有了所有的线索，虽然大部分人都还得往下再看一两集才能自己解开。我当然是解不开的啦，但还有些想法和问题吧。主要是问题。想着先写下来，到时看完了后还能再回来看看自己说没说对，哈哈哈。

当然，本文有《海猫鸣泣之时》1 - 4 集的剧透！没看过的真的不要读啊！去看原作！可好看了！

我是真觉得，至少在这个阶段，能“解开”谜题也是瞎猜歪打正着。要考虑到凶手有共犯，可能有很多个共犯，而且每一轮游戏的凶手和共犯都不一定一样，同一轮游戏内甚至都可能有不同的凶手（虽然明明看到有别人死了你还自顾自地执行自己的杀人计划还是有点骇人的但不能否定这个可能性），唯一能确定的是战人肯定永远不是凶手或共犯，不然没法玩了。而且八成也能假定没人死于自杀或意外，不然就没意思了。唯一能相信的只有红字和战人亲眼看到的东西，剩下的都能理解为贝阿朵在糊弄你。虽然这些魔法激光剑东西肯定有自己的意义，但我压根不知道有什么意义啊啊啊啊。

首先 EP1，嘉音很可疑。就，首先，战人是没有亲眼看到仓库门上了锁的。绘羽秀吉房间的链条锁也是。所以我敢放大口气说这些锁压根就没锁上过。那嘉音说他把仓库门锁打开了，又把绘羽秀吉房间的链条锁劈断了，那就只能是自己撒谎啊。不是犯人就是共犯。还有他到底是怎么死的啊？？连红字都确认了，岛上没人能杀死他，大家都有不在场证明，也不是自杀或意外，那还能怎么死？感觉这里和后面 EP3 里南条的死还有 EP4 结尾战人的死都是一回事——岛上压根没人能杀他们，那到底是谁干的？

还是回到 EP1，仓库里死的人选会不会有什么意义？EP2 里第一晚的六人全是右代宫家大人，EP3 里则都是佣人。这里和 EP4 一样，感觉没有特定的规律？最后客厅里三人死了，真理亚是不是帮凶？不是的话这心理素质就有点太好了啊。摸不着头脑。剩下的人都和战人在一起啊，客厅里就三个死者和真理亚在。而且，后面夏妃是谁杀的？EP1 结尾就四个小孩剩下来。

EP2 这里我倒有点头绪。战人是没有看到礼拜堂上了锁的。看不到就当没有，礼拜堂完全没有锁过，谁都可以进去作案。至于是谁的话，战人也说过，大人都死了就剩楼座一人继承遗产她是有动机的。而且最后夏妃房间里的案件，既然总钥匙没离过楼座的手，那不就是楼座干的嘛。不过我不记得她有没有不在场证明了。后面那封信，只可能是战人、真理亚、楼座放的，当然肯定不是战人，不能排除真理亚，但楼座就很可疑呢。至于中间嘉音尸体消失术还有熊泽和南条的尸体暂时消失术，我就完全没头绪了。要是考虑凶手可能不一样，我都不知道从何想起；要是从“凶手是楼座”出发的话，我也不知道从何想起……

EP3 有意思。主要是，战人都推得差不多了，至少楼座真理亚，雾江、留弗夫、秀吉，还有夏妃藏臼是绘羽杀的。我看网上说漫画里还多了句红字，说秀吉不是绘羽杀的，那就雾江留弗夫杀的呗，虽然展示给我们的是雾江留弗夫先死，但这个战人又没看到。他们俩把秀吉骗到大屋去想逼问他绘羽有没有出房间，结果反正就是把他搞死了，后面绘羽就过来把他俩杀了，感觉很有道理啊。但是开头的六连密室就没有头绪了，虽然战人说凶手假装从尸体身上找到了钥匙挺有道理的，但不知道后面会不会一个红字就否掉了。绘羽犯人说也是的，可能一下就否掉了！感觉棋盘外战人的推理现在都不能太听信，跟毛利排除法一样，他说的大概率都是错的啊啊啊。

EP3 还有一点：不是说了解开碑文就能停止仪式吗？那绘羽解开了后，为什么仪式还是进行了下去呢？我当时看的时候以为是因为夏娃·贝阿朵莉切就是很残酷杀着玩的，但后面发现都是在演戏，那就得回去重新考虑考虑了。但是，即使碑文只杀 13 人有 5 人能进黄金乡，但还是海猫鸣泣之时，无人生还（这应该不算红字（楼座无双片段结尾的，红背景白字），但感觉很帅所以我写上来了呵呵）。所以最后的“幸存者”还是得有人来杀的。来来来梳理一下：

4 个小孩“存活”。夏妃是非碑文死者
战人、真理亚、楼座、源次、金藏“存活”。5 人都活下来了（虽说金藏早死了但这回没有烤全爷所以算“金藏存活”）
朱志香、绘羽“存活”。让治、南条、战人是非碑文死者（战人被绘羽一枪毙了。绘羽下了岛）
团灭。金藏、熊泽、乡田、真理亚、战人是非碑文死者。换个角度也可以理解为真理亚和战人是“存活”的，接下来就讲这个：

尽管最后有存活的人，海猫鸣泣之时，除了 EP3 的绘羽，大家都是死了的。那么谁杀了他们？这个我感觉是和 EP4 里的战人是一回事吧。EP1 里四个小孩和夏妃，EP2 里源次战人楼座真理亚，EP4 里真理亚战人，应该都是一回事（EP3 里朱志香大概率是绘羽杀的，但南条可能也是这里一回事）。能解开我就能吹一辈子了，所以我大概是解不开的哈哈哈。

还有一点，既然金藏早死了，知道金藏去世的人看到烤全爷被作为碑文上的“活”祭时是怎么反应的？这个我真没留意过。但毋庸置疑的是，夏妃藏臼源次，还有不论谁声称自己亲眼见过金藏的，都是一起在撒谎。那每次有烤全爷时，凶手和帮凶肯定在他们之中吗？

还有一点就是，贝阿朵一直管自己叫“妾身”，但 EP4 结尾她问战人“我是谁”时则用了“我”。这个有什么意义吗？

说到 EP3 绘羽又想到缘寿，缘寿来自一个绘羽存活了的时间线，但我想到，这不一定是 EP3 的时间线啊，可能是另外一个。但这有关系吗？还有 EP4 结尾说缘寿在 1998 年死了，我是觉得她就在六轩岛上被须磨寺杀了，那些反击的画面都是想象。

还有，一直相信魔女的真理亚，为什么会在 EP1 结尾写下那个漂流瓶？为什么 EP4 里有两个不同的漂流瓶，而且是贝阿朵的字迹？这到底是怎么回事？？啊啊啊↑啊↗啊→啊↘啊↓啊↙啊←啊↖！！贝阿朵莉——切——！！！

再说说魔法。EP3 开头师傅展示的魔法，似乎就是掩盖真相。把瓶子打碎了的真相掩盖住，过了一会儿再揭露。这就跟贝阿朵的游戏很像了啊，把人是怎么杀的的真相用魔法掩盖住。缘寿的故事里，魔法则更像想象力，马蒙樱太郎一伙就是缘寿读真理亚的日记后自己想象出来的。呃，所以这和故事有什么关联？

还有战人不是明日梦亲生的。但明日梦确实是把他养大的。说不定雾江就是他亲妈呢？但不论如何留弗夫是亲爸吧？

呃呃呃应该差不多就这些了。感觉实际上啥也没说呢哈哈哈。

July Recap

2026-08-01T00:00:00Z

How was the month?

I'm FREE.

FREE AS THE SECOND ICE CREAM IN A BUY ONE GET ONE DEAL. FREE AS A PIECE OF MINT CANDY IN A RESTARUANT. FREE AS THE FIRST CHECK-IN ITEM ON A FLIGHT — OR WAS THE PRICE MERELY INCLUDED IN THE TICKET? I SHALL OPEN MY ARMS AND BARE MY CHEST TO EMBRACE ALL THE MARVELS THIS WONDERFUL WORLD IS EVER SO KIND TO BESTOW UPON US. I SHALL TASTE EVERY RAINDROP THAT FALLS, HEAR EVERY BIRD THAT SINGS, AND FUCK EVERYTHING THAT MOVES. I. AM. FREE.

Also I'm leaving for Xinjiang!

Stuff I did

Not a lot. Artfight mainly; didn't even draw any of my own characters.
Started working on Bauhinia's conlang, though I don't plan to make it very complete.

Stuff I want to do

I'm not gonna fuck everything that moves, just so we're clear.
Complete the conlang's writing system (the main thing).

I would never accuse anyone of using AI

2026-08-18T00:00:00Z

I know, I know, we're all tired of everyone writing about AI. It's all the same things, same opinions, over and over again. But I still felt compelled to write this because I saw some people — a lot of people, honestly — confidently say how they can identify AI-generated text or images, and teaching you the "tells." Which I hate.

The two categories, text and images, are different but still basically similar, but I have stronger feelings towards text because telling AI text affects non-native English speakers and non-neurotypical people way more. I shall always defend the SANCTITY of my precious and beloved and can never do no wrong em dashes and semicolons, but there's a really good article I saw once: I'm Kenyan. I Don't Write Like ChatGPT. ChatGPT Writes Like Me. Most of the points I want to make are made in the article already. People think they can tell, from signs like em dashes, rule of threes, or whatnot, but actually doing so only ever hurts real people. Which I guess is the central point. That accusing people of using AI only ever hurts real people.

As for art, same goes. Even if the art is painfully AI and I'm 100% certain, as long as it's not disclosed, I'd still keep it in my heart. It's probably an algorithm thing but I had honestly saw more people making posts on how to tell AI art, as well as artists making a video responding to AI accusations, than actual AI art. But maybe I saw some AI art and I couldn't tell! But it doesn't matter, because accusing people's art of being AI based on tiny details hurts real artists. I've seen callout posts which are basically taking a really well-drawn piece of artwork, circling seemingly random spots, with generic annotations like "???," "obviously AI," "what?" …Which, I have to assume it's just some troll, or at best someone who really has no idea how art works. That elbow is perfectly fine why are you ???ing it. "???" isn't even criticism it's just a bunch of question marks like babygirl are you confused? That's an elbow. Humans usually have two of those; check your arms.

I digress, but still, things like that make the accused scramble to prove themselves. Which is a big thing against artists in this accusation, which is, normally the burden of proof should be on the accuser, but in this case, no accuser can ever give out definitive proof that the art is AI, unless they caught a picture over the artist's shoulder as they typed the prompt into their computer, or maybe the artist admitted elsewhere. With that, the "typical signs" and "tells" and badly annotated callouts become the "accuser's proof," requiring artists to show their own counterproof when they should not have the obligation to.

This post was basically triggered by seeing a lot of "guess which one is AI!" type videos I came across a lot. Sometimes it was two similar images side by side; sometimes it was a rapid succession of different images, some AI and some not. These videos frustrate me to no end because their purpose is essentially to invite people to scrutinize random images they come across by showing you how AI art can look the exact same as human art. When I first saw a video like this, I was shocked by how exactly similar the AI art and human art presented in the video was (also the caption said all the AI art were from Pinterest they didn't generate them themselves like are we inventing ethically-sourced AI art now like those ethically-slaughtered animals), the next time I saw an art piece drawn in a similar style my heart automatically lurched and I was like "is this AI?" It's not funny! Not funny at all!

This reminded me of that experiment where researchers gave people expensive and cheap wine multiple times, but sometimes lying about how much the wine cost. Their brains were scanned to see if they enjoyed the wine. The results showed that they typically enjoyed the wine when they were told it was expensive, regardless of whether it really was expensive (Plassmann et al., 2008).^[1] So I'm wondering, would being told whether an art is AI or not change how people enjoy the art in a similar fashion? It obviously has an effect on me so I try not to let it. Obviously you can't give the same person the same piece of artwork twice like they did with wine though, but still. I've definitely seen people enjoying AI art up until they were informed that it was AI, at which point their attitude about it makes a complete turn. Which further proves how you really cannot discern the two.

Come to think of it, I've seen two different attitudes, one being "AI art is sneaky and hides among human art and you have to be really careful and vigilant" and the other being "AI art is inherently soulless and bad and generic with a very distinct artstyle," which is funny because either one disproves the other and clocking certain styles as "AI artstyles" hurts people who actually draw in that style. Also I know it's a slogan and slogans aren't meant to be nuanced, but still I'd like to ask what is a "soul." Obviously they don't mean our beloved TIR souls, but I can't think of any definition of "soul" that makes, say, Stonetoss's comics worth more than Tung Tung Tung Sahur. Like, how would my beloved, glorious, magnificent, splendid, and enlightening Triple T in all its wooden (probably?) glory EVER be on the same level, let alone worse, than whatever that guy is drawing? Okay I'm just a brainrotten kid but the point I'm trying to make is, this slogan just makes less sense every time I think about it. Maybe "soul" just means "the knowledge that the art isn't AI." That makes it make way more sense: "AI art is AI art." Hard to argue with that.

The truth is, we can't tell, and being careful and vigilant about it only decreased my enjoyment and made me suspicious of works that artists put a lot of time and effort into, when I could've just sat back and enjoyed the art. But after seeing many times people carefully tearing apart perfectly good artwork from artists I've followed for a while, going on and on about signs of AI art or writing (especially at ESLs!) while making those artists and writers prove themselves that they're legit, I was like "is my moral framework really consistent right now" which honestly a question I should ask myself more often. And my conclusion was no, so I changed my mind and was like, I'm just gonna encourage people to disclose AI usage. Which is what I did on the OC Webring. I had seen a submission once that made the back of my head scream "this is definitely AI" so I asked the site owner about it. Then I thought about this and I was like, so what? Their OCs are their own. There's no reason to reject them from the webring. (Actually I just went to check just now and their site isn't found anymore. Either they deleted or moved URLs. Might need to contact them. Arrrrgh I hate talking to people)

Another point I'm inserting here because I don't know where else to put it. Artists panicked and said art was dead when photography came along too, but that merely gave birth to impressionism or whatnot, and now photography is also considered a form of art. If you think human art truly has some sort of "soul," then you must also believe that art is not dying, art will not die, and art cannot die for as long as humans still exist, so it is not under any sort of threat that gives the need to point fingers at other artists.

Even if this might sound like some daydream, but I think we need to — can, even — foster an environment where people always disclose it when they use AI, but that can only be achieved if people stop treating AI-generated content as inherently below any sort of human-made output. I mean, just remember Stonetoss is still drawing comics.^[2] And I think I may have just been hanging in the Anglo internet too much. On Bilibili, there's a field where you can disclose that the video has AI-generated content, which puts a little sign near the title that says so. Youtube does too but it also has an auto-detector the workings of which I don't know. Itch.io does this too.^[3] In a lot of advertisements I've also noticed AI notices in corners, which I guess is a legal requirement given how semi-transparent and unnoticeable the advertisers try to make it. Simply having all AI content disclosed properly would, um, probably? stop people from going "errrrm this looks AI!" Or maybe I'm just hoping.

Ultimately my point is, no matter how much I'm certain something is AI, I would not say it out loud, because I always have a capacity to hurt a real artist in doing so. I just want people to stop going "uuhhh guys I think this is AI look at the tells" because it only hurts real people and is simply just really annoying.

And if you got here and still haven't read Olang's article, please go and read it.

H. Plassmann, J. O'Doherty, B. Shiv, & A. Rangel, Marketing actions can modulate neural representations of experienced pleasantness, Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A. 105 (3) 1050-1054, https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.0706929105 (2008).

It's fucking over I'm citing a fucking study on my fucking blog. ↩︎
I had to click into his website and check the latest date to be sure. Weep for me, but I shall (hopefully) never write any easily-verifiable misinformation. The latest post was today. I am correct, but at what cost? ↩︎
Betting on whether Markdown It would auto convert this into a link in the final website ↩︎

Travel blog: summer 2026

2026-08-19T00:00:00Z

We went to Xinjiang again! Yes, again. Last year we went to the north. This year to the south.

But before then we spent a few days around Shennongjia, where I saw this little mouse munching on grass.

And then we went to the lakes, where there was this person playing fetch with his dog. He'd throw the tennis ball into the lake.

And then we went to Xi'an where we rode bikes around the city wall, an entire loop, and my butt hurt for days afterwards but it was worth it. It rained one morning and Dad slid and smashed his face on the ground, but he was fine.

And then we flew to Kashgar!^[1] We went to the Ancient City the first day, where Dad loudly complained about some fancy little souvenirs being made with purple copper. "Purple copper," he said as no one listened, "is so cheap to buy and to process. This costs a tenth of the price it's sold for." Dawaköl desert next. The adults convinced me (by not giving me enough time to decide before buying the tickets) into riding one of those cars where they drive really fast across the dunes so it felt like a roller coaster. 0/0 do not recommend. Also rode horses and camels! I never talked to the employee but my parents of course had to strike up a conversation and they said the camels were worth like 30k yuan each and he owned like 15 of them, pulling them out here every week or so to work. That was apparently the only conversation topic my parents were interested in.

And then we went to Tashqurghan. On the way we stopped at the white sand lake. When we got there, we were pretty much fine, none of us experienced altitude sickness too terribly. We drove up the mountain where it was cold as fuck, had yak hotpot which honestly still wasn't as good as Chaoshan's (nothing can beat that!!!), went up to Qonjirap at 5km altitude and was pretty much fine (it snowed the day before we went, and there was still snow on the ground, and it also snowed really bad the day after), had some great Tajik food. Many groundhogs along the way, but unfortunately I didn't see any fighting this time round. Their butts alone are satisfying enough though, the huge butts bouncing up and down as they ran. People told us they're pretty bad for the environment now though, fewer predators, eating all the grass.

Saw the cutest puppy ever.

The inn owner told us about a horse race the next day, and we did see some people in uniform riding horses when we drove back. The next day it rained so it got canceled LOL. Went to the glacier, was not super fine, too cold! On the way back, saw a horsie lying down.

Horsie gotta feel super secure and safe to be lying down like that! They usually sleep standing up so they can run away from danger quicker, but they still need to lie down to get deep sleep.

After that we got back to Kashgar and went to the Ancient City again, earlier this time to catch the opening ceremony where I stared at the backs of a bunch of people's heads. And we bought some goods to send back home. After that we decided to visit the local markets. Sure the Ancient City has a lot of tourist souvenirs and stuff but only in the local markets can you see absolutely adorable kitties.

They're selling this baby for 10 yuan because their mama cat went outside to play and came back pregnant again. I would've bought it if I lived around the area. So adorable. I actually got to utter a Uyghur word once because Mom asked for garlic and the stall owner didn't understand, so I said "سامساق؟" and promptly didn't understand her response, but it wasn't hard to get that they didn't have garlic there. Also Labubu car.

Anyway, big butt sheep with their big butts.

We also went to the Small Knife Museum where it seems you can skirt the definition of "small."

For context, this knife was made to be a giant small knife. It's the same overall shape and process as all the other Yëngisar small knives. Took like 10 people.

Yëngisar was also famous for its pottery. At first I thought the 7th generation pottery master Abdurehim Memetmin had artfully named his son, the 8th generation, Memetmin Abdurehim, but then I realized either I or the poster got the formatting a bit wrong. Would be funny if someone actually named their kid like that though.

We also went to a Darwaz performance, which is basically just tightrope walking. He would walk from this tower across the lake to the other tower, holding a pole in his hands for balance. Dad asked me whether I think he was going to walk back, and without waiting for an answer pointed out that his electric scooter was parked at this tower so he would have to walk back again. Locals told us that the guy was basically just public practicing and was preparing for a competition. Said locals were seemingly more interested in an old man dancing. I wish I could put a video here but I don't wanna go through the hassle, but basically the man was just spinning around.

In the end, we flew back, but had a 1-day layover in Lanzhou so we went by the Yellow River and promptly decided against rafting in it. We also went to the museum and saw the horsie.

Also rock croissants.

And there's this EXTEREMELY FAT cat in a grocery store!!!

And after that, home we went. It was a great but tiring trip! I have learned my lesson that I simply can't be away from home and running around for long, and the endless kawap after polo after kawap for meals was not something I could get used to. Also I finished Umineko in the middle of it. T'was peak.

Still decided to go with the conventional spelling LOL. ↩︎

August Recap

2026-09-01T00:00:00Z

How was the month?

Was okay. Went traveling; see previous blog post! And then I had to stay at the commie-block for like a week because I asked for a health checkup not knowing the "intestines ultrasound" they recommended me involved drinking laxatives and crapping my pants out the day before and it was miserable as fuck. The crapping part was fine! The miserable part was drinking the full liter of salty water that makes you wanna vomit. Some other things I did include an MRI that sounded like alarms blazing and people shooting at you with machine guns and the elevators at like half the buildings in my school; and then when the MRI proved inconclusive I did another brain scan thing where they put a wrapper over your head and squirted juice all over it and you had to sit there with your eyes closed, but not fall asleep. It proved really hard.

And in the end the result was just "sleep earlier and eat more vegetables." Fuck me. Never going to the hospital for no reason again. And after that I still had to stay at the commie-block for one thing after another and later turned out my parents had been keeping me away from grandma's because my brother was there apparently or something? So they only let me go back after he left? Which was stupid because my drawing tablet and mouse had both been at grandma's and the desk was tiny and I can't draw and using my laptop was miserable without my trusty mouse I nearly ended up catching one from the kitchen but turned out there were only cockroaches, no mice. I could've gotten so much more shit done and ended up doing nothing — see the pitiful number of August drawings on the TIR site and note the dates. Fuckass.

And then I got back to college and life went back to being chicken fly dog jump! Hope the semester treats me well. Who invented letters of recommendation? Do they grow out of the ground or on a tree??

Stuff I did

Suffered.
Learnt life lessons.

Stuff I want to do

Go into medicine and invent a better laxative, like making things into a pill or something. Somebody's gotta do something about this please
Maybe I can do a notable links collection like a lot of others are doing!

I love automating my shit

2026-09-02T00:00:00Z

This is inspired by Nomnomnami's post Hand-Coding is Just More Fun for Me.^[1] The post was an interesting perspective because I'm completely the opposite! And it wasn't just really really opposite, which was the interesting part. Nami says that hand-coding stuff gives them more control, and they're more likely to overlook mistakes when the process is automatic (Gray, 2026) (??? save me). For me, the end result is exactly the same: I also want control and want to minimize mistakes. But I feel like automating stuff gives me more control and I am far, far more likely to make mistakes if I hand-code things.

So now I have an excuse to ramble about how parts of my website are generated!

Take the gallery. Whenever I draw a picture featuring some of my own characters, the picture needs to be added in the main gallery page and each individual character page, and if the character has a gallery subpage, it also needs to be added to the subpage and one picture has to be deleted to keep the total number 10; and if this picture makes a character's picture count 11, a gallery subpage has to be created. Oh and if the picture is a fullbody or a pagedoll, it would also have to be put on the character page. If it's an icon, it would have to be updated in like a billion other pages too.

It would be impossible to do all of this without automation. Like, I could imagine myself being discouraged from updating a character's profile picture because of how much non-drawing work I'd have to do! And a big thing is, these features weren't planned from the start. I only thought to add them because my automation made adding these features easy! I used to have a statistics page (got rid of it for being annoying now) where I have stats like "total number of pictures," "average character count," stuff like that. That wouldn't have been possible without my trusty gallery JSON file which is the central place I log all my art. It's that one file full of data that gets filtered, sorted, reused in many different places on the website, and with that, any update in the file results in corresponding updates everywhere, without my having to do it manually.

Take the changelog as a counterexample. I decided against using JSON for the changelog, but rather just a Markdown file, so I can edit it in Obsidian without opening VSCode. And I used to port all old logs to another page like Kolo, where like June updates get moved at the start of August, and July updates get moved at the start of September, etc.. But then I got rid of that system simply because I often forget to move the old logs. Now I just move an entire year's old logs away at the start of a new year. I'm less likely to forget yearly stuff since a year change is a bigger deal than a month change.

And just yesterday I wrote myself a little helper file for generating stuff related to my conlang. There are two main parts: Bauhinian text, and Latin text that needs English hover translations. For Bauhinian text, typing all the Bopomofo out was really annoying because I have to constantly switch between the Bopomofo keyboard and normal Chinese keyboard, and some of the characters just aren't on Sogou's Bopomofo keyboard so I have to go copy-paste them. Annoying. And for Latin, constantly typing a shitton of <span class="tooltip"><span class="tooltip-text"> was also really annoying. So why not generate them? They're all repetitive anyways. For Bauhinian, I can have a lookup table to convert Latin to Bopomofo. This way I don't have to constantly switch and copy-paste. And I can just parse some markup to know where to put the <ruby> and <rt> tags. Same for the Latin tooltips. That one was even simpler and can be done with just a regular expression. So convenient. One crucial reason I did this was because… I was honestly avoiding writing any example sentences because of how much effort — and TIME! — it takes. Time! How did I not mention that till now. Time. I'm an impatient gal.

I also had a Zompist-inspired word generator that was originally in Python and used on the command line, and I decided to put these tools in one place together so I made Deepseek convert it to JS and put that on the same HTML file as the ruby and tooltip generators.

Actually now that I think about it, why do I still have to copy-paste the generator results into Obsidian? Why can't I just write a shortcode and have 11ty automate that? In that case, if I decide to, say, change the class name of tooltips one day IDK, I can just update the shortcode, and all instances of the output can be updated. Gonna go do that now, BRB!

Okay, done that. I'd keep the separate HTML file though, because I need it still for the dictionary. Also I kept the old, already-generated text because I got too lazy to replace them. If that becomes necessary.

Sorry if they would've preferred the title remain uncapitalized… I couldn't bear it. Also I didn't know whether to capitalize the "is" or not. ↩︎