2025-12-28

Hot, hot, hot!

Or, my hate-hate relationship with spicy food.

My dad was from Hunan. If there's one thing you need to know about these people (or half of China for that matter), is that they're obsessed with their chilis. They can't eat food without them. And whenever you say something along the lines of, "you don't need chilis in literally every meal…" they start throwing scientific studies at you that prove spicy food is good for your skin or whatnot. A bunch of freaks.

And worse still, whenever someone (inside Shenzhen at least; outside, I'd say I'm from Shenzhen) asks me where I'm from, I'm obliged to say I'm from Hunan. Said someone would then inevitably get surprised that I don't eat spicy food. I grew up in Shenzhen alongside the sane people, okay? I eat normal food like fried cockroaches and Fujian people just like other Guangdong people?

Shenzhen, being The Migrant City after all, is no short of restaurants having a spicy dish or two on their menus. Whenever I want to order such a thing, I'd have to ask whether they can make it non-spicy. Usually the answer is yes. There was this time I went to a noodle place and most of their noodles are spicy. I asked the chef lady (it was a really small restaurant and the entire kitchen is basically visible behind the counter) whether it could be non-spicy. She answered "yes" with an expression that looked like "to open a restaurant in Guangdong you gotta compromise some principles." Like, I'm sorry, okay. Honestly I couldn't remember whether that place was a Lanzhou noodles place? It could've been. It was Halal and all. But I'm sure I've had non-spicy Lanzhou noodles that's not an abomination towards the cuisine. Or have I?? Maybe those non-spicy Lanzhou noodles I've had in Shenzhen already a compromise??

Sometimes we go back to Hunan for New Year. Sometimes we go to Hebei. The Hunan ones are the worst. These people just don't comprehend non-spicy food. They'd try to make some non-spicy dishes for me, but those always turn out spicy too because the pot itself had turned spicy after years of cooking. And they also like to poke their bright red, chili-ridden chopsticks into my non-spicy plate made for me — I know I sound like a spoiled brat now but, uh, I am one. Yeah.

It's the same with yuanyang hot pot. "Yuanyang hot pot" is like a hot pot with a separation down the middle, one side being spicy and the other side not. Towards the end both sides will be spicy because the spicy water from the other side will keep spilling into the non-spicy side; and people like poking their spicy chopsticks into the non-spicy side.

I usually end up just stuffing myself with rice and nothing else. If I were in the old house in the middle of nowhere, I'm cooked. But sometimes we go to some younger relatives' apartments in the city, and that's nice because I can actually go out to find other food. Not that I have a lot of options, as most stores are closed during New Year; except kebab stands ran by Uyghurs who don't celebrate. Imagine a street full of all sorts of stores and restaurants, all closed shut, except this one place still lit up. They are the fucking lifesavers. Although, I still had to ask for them to not put chili on them. If I had inflicted psychic damage on them, they didn't show it.

Because famously Xinjiang people also loved spicy food. During my trip there in the summer, our guide took us to this very local, very not-for-tourists place. I know because it's tucked into the top of a building so you won't find it unless you already know about it. A very good sign — in Guangdong the best restaurants are also tucked in the middle of a mountain. Also, only the receptionist could speak Mandarin.

I tried asking for the big plate chicken to be non-spicy. The waiter just stared at me dumbfoundedly with an expression that could either mean "this girl has gone bananas" or simply just "I don't understand." Probably the latter though. The thing was served spicy. Ah, fine.