2026-02-15

Book: Jennifer Government

Previously…

Funny way how I found out this book existed. I found this game online called NationStates which is basically a country simulator. So I created Bauhinia, or attempted to but the name was fucking taken by some tasteless stranger! But it was going to expire soon, so I made Bauhinia after it did.

And then I got too overwhelmed by stuff that I didn't know what buttons to click, and left it at that. Today, I logged on again, found that Bauhinia was long gone because I hadn't logged in for so long, but I could restore it, so I did.

The Republic of Bauhinia had the flag of Hong Kong because you could only choose from existing flags. It was a "Compulsory Consumerist State," and the blurb quote read, "Hahahahaha." Yeah that was past me's doing. It has good civil rights, very strong economy, and rare political freedom.

Here's the entire profile description. It was so epic I decided to paste the entire thing here.

The Republic of Bauhinia is a large, efficient nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, irreverence towards religion, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 112 million Bauhinians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The minute, well-organized government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Law & Order, although Healthcare, Education, and Defense are also considered important, while Spirituality and International Aid are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 5.5%.

The very strong Bauhinian economy, worth 8.10 trillion bucks a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Door-to-door Insurance Sales industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is 72,331 bucks, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 213,170 per year while the poor average 19,312, a ratio of 11.0 to 1.

The mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas, organ donation is compulsory, the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller, and Bauhinian watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Bauhinia's national animal is the Puppy, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Bauhinia is ranked 192,079th in the world and 7,971st in Osiris for Most Advanced Law Enforcement, scoring 1,203.88 on the Orwell Orderliness Index.

Here's the recent events list:

• Seconds ago: Bauhinia was refounded in Osiris.
• 1 year 70 days ago: Bauhinia ceased to exist in The West Pacific.
• 1 year 97 days ago: Bauhinia was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Largest Insurance Industry, the Top 5% for Lowest Overall Tax Burden and Largest Gambling Industry, and the Top 10% for Largest Publishing Industry and Highest Disposable Incomes.
• 1 year 98 days ago: Bauhinia's influence in The West Pacific rose from "Zero" to "Unproven".
• 1 year 98 days ago: Following new legislation in Bauhinia, Bauhinian watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact.
• 1 year 98 days ago: Following new legislation in Bauhinia, the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller.
• 1 year 98 days ago: Following new legislation in Bauhinia, organ donation is compulsory.
• 1 year 98 days ago: Following new legislation in Bauhinia, the mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas.
• 1 year 98 days ago: Bauhinia was founded in The West Pacific.

But alright, none of that was actually on topic. I might log in every year or so just to hog Bauhinia's name though. The thing is, the developer of the game, Max Barry, also wrote books, and they looked quite interesting, so I added them to my booklist where they promptly collected digital dust for about 1 year 90 days. But recently I decided to go ahead with one of them to see: do I let the other books continue to collect digital dust, or do I get rid of them?

The actual review

So I started to read Jennifer Government. Its premise is that, this is an ultra-Capitalist USA society, and people take on the last names of their employers. So we have Hack Nike, Billy Bechtel (later NRA), people like that. Kids are apparently named after the school they attend, like Hayley McDonalds^[1] from a McDonalds-ran school, because all schools were funded by private companies too. Unemployed people, and I assume babies, have no last name. And Jennifer Government, as you can guess, works for the government. And these people get in trouble as their lives intertwine and stuff. It was a solid and promising premise, and what caught my attention in the first place.

I've always thought I wasn't good enough of a writer to review books, but like. I'm doing it because I actually felt like I have something to say. So yeah, I'm saying them. Obviously, spoiler alert. No blacked-out text this time.

Also, the USA now encompasses (at least) the current USA itself, Australia, New Zealand, and the UK.^[2] In all subsequent instances of "USA" I mean this expanded USA. Jennifer works for the Australian branch of the Government. People also speak "American" instead of English, and capitalism is spelled "capitalizm" in lieu of common American spellings changing s's to z's, which is pretty clever.

First of all, why are they named Hack and Buy? Who one day had a baby and decided to name him Buy?

Next… alright I admit my issues with this book were too numerous and too scattered to organize, and I've already cut off many many things wrong with the book to leave only the important parts.^[3]

The chapters were super short. I don't know whether it's because they're really just short or I just read too much John le Carré, but this, paired with the constant POV switching, made my head a whirlwind. Things barely happen in one chapter before we go to another character, and by the time we loop back I had already forgotten what this character was supposed to be doing.

In addition, Hayley should not have been given any POV chapters if her death is the inciting incident. She narrates two chapters, and the next time she appears she just up and dies. If this was supposed to be a bait-and-switch well then, you got me, because I genuinely thought the author was setting Hayley up for future character development. In her first two appearances, Hayley was giving a speech to her class about how the USA is great and awesome, compared to Europe where it's bad and horrible and have to pay taxes. Her teacher was quite upset about this and challenged her beliefs subtly, but she was firm on her stance. The teacher was sad. Fucker, aren't you her teacher? What have you been teaching her then? Like where do you think Hayley got her beliefs from, if not the teacher? Her parents? I don't think her parents would be that happy with the current state of the world if they're not wealthy enough to throw away a couple thousand bucks for those shoes.^[4] I think the author was trying to show how the system brainwashes children, but… y'know usually the main vessel for them to do that is through schools and teachers. Having the teacher disagree with her speech completely defeats the purpose.

Buy, the rich but sad and lonely and "money can't solve problems^[5]" guy, came across Hayley desperately wanting to buy a new pair of shoes that Nike was selling. So he dumps a bunch of money on her thinking he made her day. Before then we saw Hack Nike being told to murder 10 people who buys those shoes so people would think "they're killing people for these shoes!" and it would make the prices go higher. Weird logic but not the weirdest logic this book has to offer. So Hayley got shot because of that, and one kid ran to Buy for help, but emergency lines refused to help unless he could prove he has the ability to pay,^[6] and Buy has to contend with his guilt. Later he got so guilty he tried to kill himself. Very unfortunately though, he was too stupid to figure out how to work a gun, and also Jennifer stopped him.

I think it would've worked so much better if it was someone else dying and Hayley ran to Buy for help. Buy still has to watch a kid die, and if Hayley was also distraught at her friend dying that would add more to Buy's guilt. And then Hayley could realize that the system who let her friend die was, maybe, not the perfect thing she thought it was.

In addition, I think Buy's suicide could've been framed so much better as a result of alienation of labor. I really don't know if that was the author's intention and he was just being subtle this time, because the text continuously framed it as a direct result of his guilt over Hayley's death. But the alienation signs were clear. He was sitting at his desk, he could use insider trading to make tons, but he's just sad and depressed. Because he's alienated from his labor.

Everyone in this world is a fucking wacko. It is definitely more the author's writing's fault than the McDonalds education. If I were to write down every instance where the characters were being utterly stupid that would make this review unnecessarily long, so I'll just point out the most egregious instances.

One of the backstory reveals was the history between Jennifer and John. Apparently Jennifer got pregnant and John didn't want the kid so they broke up. Fucker, if you didn't want a kid then wear a condom? Neuter yourself? That happened offscreen though so whatever. John was still a wacko. Just what's this guy's deal? Is he supposed to be a "if we come to this then people like John would appear more often" message? Most of the things he does is mainly to service the plot though. Bro has no motivation. You have to remember, this guy's just some Nike marketing guy and the highest position he had is a liaison. But in the latter half of the book he was seen bossing literally everyone around, even ordering soldiers around right in front of their general, and people just accept his authority?

Billy… If this guy had grown half a brain at any point during his arc, then most of it wouldn't have happened.

Everything involving Violet was stupidly written. It's bad because Violet herself must be the least stupid out of most of these characters, though a lot of the time her success is ensured by the people around her being dumbasses. The dumbest thing she did was not ask for upfront payment on her virus.

And Jennifer. Lady, how much are you paid? Why are you such a workaholic? What sort of year-end bonus would you get on the Government's measle budget? I know you have beef with John but come on. I think she was workaholicing before she even found out John's involvement? Can't remember.

I'm not even saying this kind of workaholism is unrealistic. My mom was such a person. Her workplace was extremely competitive and she was always pressured to devote lots of energy to it even if the rewards were minimal. Her professional responsibilities got converted to a personal responsibility in her own mind. She felt like she owes her students, and if one of the does badly she thinks it's a personal fault of hers.^[7] So much that even when she transferred to a school where that's not the case and got a promotion in the process, she couldn't adjust and started having mental issues. She would've been just like Jennifer, coming back to work when she's still injured (her bosses would probably not directly order her to go home like Jennifer's) and sacrificing time for her family to work. But it took a toll on her. She had serious mental issues that surfaced after transferring away from the toxic environment. The book however was clearly not written with that in mind. Jennifer's devotion was ultimately fruitful and the only time Kate got put in danger because of her, it was solved by more devotion to her job of catching John. It's like the author actually believes that working hard can get you results.

It's 1984 all over again. Am I supposed to root for Jennifer? Am I supposed to be sympathetic to any of these idiots? Am I supposed to believe the system is bad, that people like John would take over if we reach such a state? The only thing I felt bad about was Hayley's death and it's not even because she died, it's because of her wasted character-development potential.

A side note, what even is the role of the government in this world? I wouldn't be surprised if all they do is handle name changes every day. In the book though they look an awful lot like the FBI. Girl do I simply the idea that most of the government is gone but only the FBI remains! You cannot escape the FBI!

So yeah. This book so heavily depends on the characters all being dumbasses for the plot to work, but that isn't even my biggest gripe. My biggest problem is how USA-centric it is.

Other parts of the world are hardly mentioned. When they are, it's mostly in the context of how bad they are compared to the USA, like Europe — look, they have to pay taxes! How evil! And then you look closely and they're literally just welfare states like y'all aren't that different. The third world was briefly mentioned as a rhetoric, "McDonalds exploits the third world so you should not eat there!" And look. You need this much imperialism just to uphold the current level of consumerism. In the world of this book, no doubt they need even more. They can't go without. Nike's shoes aren't manufactured in the USA. Your oil isn't harvested purely in Alaska and Australia. You still eat bananas and chocolate, don't you? Exploitation of the third world would only increase. If the Government shrunk and defunded the military, private corporations would simply take up the slack. Like you know they aren't gonna simply retreat and dismantle all them military bases around the world right? I can imagine US Alliance (with the NRA) taking over some of them and TA (with the Police) taking over the others. They would fight over control. Where there was one imperialist USA exerting control over resource-rich 3rd world countries, there are now 2 imperialist USAs fighting over said resources. I won't be surprised if a war breaks out. This is literally how WWI started. This entire book reads "UWU laissez-faire capitalism bad for Americans welfare states good for Americans" and I couldn't care less about how Americans (including the broader USA) suffer. This is the biggest shortcoming of the book. The author wants to warn us away from a future where the government has less control over corporations because that would be Bad For Americans and we need Welfare States For Americans, Americans this Americans that, but come on, that makes no difference at all to the third world.

The latter half of Hack's story involved him going around with this rebel group causing havoc. They'd go to stores like McDonalds and Nike, throw some dyed powder around telling people it's poison, scream at the top of their lungs "big corporations bad, small business good, big corporations exploit the third world" like small businesses somehow don't. Oh and when Violet said she wanted to shoot John^[8] through the door Hack was literally shocked that she would say such a thing. I can't really grasp the author's intent when writing this arc, but if he was satirizing them I think he did a good job.

So yeah what is it with the dystopian genre, especially the world-changing ones, generally not considering the majority of the world's population humans? Off the top of my head I remember reading just three other dystopian books: 1984 with its collectively stupid and useless proles, The Giver with its how-the-fuck-is-it-supposed-to-function society (but if it's just one little town out of the entire world that suffers from this forgetfulness I could perhaps take that…), Fahrenheit 451… well I can imagine that happening if it's just the books and nothing else about the wider world changed, but there were planes and bombs and stuff and I can't remember why the fuck they were there. Hell, I think the fucking Hunger Games might've done a better job if we can interpret the Capital as the imperial core and the Districts as the periphery, but I haven't read them yet so I don't know.

The verdict

I have learned my lesson. I shall believe in Goodreads reviews. I shall not read any book below 4 stars now.

Remember, the whole point of why I picked this up was to determine whether I keep reading his other books.

I was about to ditch them all, but I went to check and Jennifer Government was actually the second book he wrote. So I was like, maybe give this guy some benefit of the doubt. He has interesting ideas; he just can't write.

So I decided to remove all his other books from the list except The 22 Murders of Madison May, which was published in 2021 (Jennifer Government was published in 2005 as a comparison). Let's see if his writing gets better then.

Next, I'll be rereading the entire Wings of Fire series again to prepare for book 16!

• Did I like it? No.
• Would I read / watch / play it again? No.
• Would I grab a random stranger off the street and make them read / watch / play it? Fuck no.
• If someone wants to read / watch / play it, would I throw myself in like a human shield to protect them from harm? Probably.